No, this post is not about pizza. Instead, I decided to use that title to introduce yet another commentary on those ‘words of wisdom’ that grace marquees around town. And, let me tell you, I had a plethora of ‘pearls’ to pick from.
My mind is like a steel trap – rusty and illegal in 37 states
Every time I drove by Roy’s General Store and read this, I chuckled. Especially when I discovered the identity of the Marquee Madame at this particular establishment. I think she is illegal in 37 states. Remember, she once posted the only thing hotter than our cashiers is our coffee. Yeah, … .
I know this is quite shocking, but I know nothing about hunting or trapping.(sarcasm intended) I do know that November 15 IS like a National holiday here in Northern Michigan – opening season for deer hunting. But that’s about it. That’s why, I was curious if, in fact, steel traps were illegal as stated. And,
… they’re not. Only eight states have banned or severely restricted the use of the leghold trap. But as of 2005, the steel trap is illegal in 90 countries. That’s something substantial.
I have no idea where ’37′ came from. Maybe the rustiness of her steel trap? Still, … ’37′ works for me. Even if it is incorrect. Saying illegal in 8 states is pretty unremarkable. And, it’s all about the drama, right? ( heavy sigh )
Be that as it may, I can’t hold such an indiscretion against her. She produces some very humorous maxims. In pizza we crust is damn funny!
If you want to be certain to get the last word – apologize
Well, that’s complete bullshit. So, passive-aggressive in my opinion. I’ve written before that I am not the best communicator. But that’s usually in small talk, mingling crap situations. I’m not that interesting of a dude to sustain idle chit-chat for extended periods of time. But, when real shit needs to be discussed – I usually speak my mind. This can be … unfortunate. I do, however, recognize when I’ve faulted and apologize accordingly. Though, I would never use an apology to manipulate a conversation.
If the broom fits – ride it
Initial reaction: so dumb. Especially since this very office marquee once posted - Never play leap frog with a unicorn. Even dumber. Then I read it again and … . Holy shit! The subtle, understated message was revealed in one epiphanic moment. (Pause) Sorry, it wasn’t that profound. I just got carried away. I still think it’s funny. Even funnier – mentally add a coma and one simple word.
If the broom fits – ride it, witch
I am just being festive, okay? Halloween is less than two weeks away. Otherwise, a similar sounding word would’ve definitely been inserted, of course. But, for now, I’ll remain festive.