famous last words – Hollywood edition

I love movies. Moreover, I love going to the movie theater – especially here in Traverse City. The State Theatre and Bijou are amazing venues to view films. Unfortunately, I don’t get out that much. Especially now. Even more unfortunate is the fact that my home theater is anything but.  Nonetheless, it works. I get to watch movies in the comfort of my own home with little distraction.  Other than my wife, that is.

looking elsewhere

For the most part, the movie industry strives  for the proverbial happily ever after. This tendency  often makes some movie  moments more forced than necessary. Still, the final scene is what makes a movie memorable. I’m not a huge Casablanca fan, but even I know ‘the line’ .

say what?

Over the last few weeks, my household, like most, have been watching a-l-o-t of movies. So, in the spirit of Humphrey Bogart’s famous farewell, I wanted to highlight some additional closing lines.  Hollywood style, of course.


nicely said

‘As you wish.’The Princess Bride
These three words defined this movie. Any other ending would’ve been … inconceivable.
‘A little girl.’Overboard (the original version with Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell)
I couldn’t think of a more appropriate line to such a delightful movie.
‘It already came true.’Sixteen Candles
Let’s face it – this movie has more than its share of memorable moments and quotable quotes. However, this closing  sentiment … takes the cake. (pun so intended)

stop talking

For as many famous last lines, I can count as many, if not more, ‘what the fuck were they thinking’s’.
She saves him right backPretty Woman
Sorry, but this line is sooo lame. And, forced.  The entire last scene is forced, to be perfectly honest. Fortunately, the rest of the movie makes up for this lapse in screenwriting judgment.
My hero. – What Women Want
I saved the best for last. Or would that be the worst for last. Doesn’t matter. There are much worse ending lines to movies than this. But, at the time this movie was released, Mel Gibson was, well, Mel Gibson – in full Lethal Weapon mode, I might add. So, hearing him say those two words to Helen Hunt were almost as awkward as the close-up of Pierce Brosnan singing in Mamma Mia.

Order up!

There are more examples both good and bad. Hell, some are down right ugly. Me, I want to remain memorable. I know My … Fictionalized Memoir  isn’t a movie. Yet. But when it does get it’s big screen opportunity, I will demand an appropriate last liner.

Green with foliage envy

postal roots
I am the gardener in the family. It’s a genetic thing – on my mother’s side. She insists it’s cheaper than therapy. She should know – I was child #5 out 7. Fortunately, the plants haven’t started talking to me. Yet. When that happens, I think I may need to seek help. Ya’ think?
I posted a few years back about the fact that the ‘greenness’ of my thumb was limited to the outdoors. Translation: I tend to kill a lot of house plants. It ain’t pretty – literally or physically. Hell, one Croton plant lived up to its name – it totally croted. I realize that would’ve been funnier if the plant was a crocus. (pause) Still, all but one leaf fell off. I was so mad I ripped the damn thing off in a fit of over-dramatized despair. That’s a lie. I did nothing even remotely close – I just chucked the dead stalk in the trash can and shrugged.  What a crocus of shitus, eh?!

the dirty truth

My house plants have been looking pretty sad for quite some time now. Thankfully, holiday decorations skewed that focal point. Then, January arrived. Yeah,…  What green I had, went gangrene. Fuck transplanting – time for a fresh start. Besides, it was a New Year and a new decade.

green rules of thumb

To ensure success, I researched best practices AND consulted with experts at my favorite local nurseries. The main error of my ways was that damn size issue – my plants were always too small for their respective pots. I so know the feeling. This time, however, it was more than a personal problem.

  1. Match plants with light conditions – direct sun can actually burn certain foliage. Generally speaking, if you can read unassisted where the plant will be placed, there is sufficient light.
  2. Choose the right container. See – size really does matter.
  3. Use good-quality potting soil.
  4. Water properly – almost better to under water, than over water
  5. Fertilize and control pests. These are house plants. Children and pets are the ‘pests’ here. keep them contained.
  6. Increase humidity and prevent drafts. Good luck with that.
  7. Keep foliage clean – translation: keep the green clean, baby!
Proper lighting in the Garden of Adam Thomas
Well, that’s about it on the whole potted plant predicament. I am pleased with the results. My plants look happy again. Let’s just see what happens in six months.  Who knows. By that time, my thumb will either be so green I’m a fucking leprechaun. Or, I will be medicated and possibly institutionalized because those plants actually started talking. And, I listened!
Keep calm and grow plants 
I know this clip pertains to an outside tree. However, these are Dr. Seuss characters. They all live in, like, Terrariums. So, I’m thinking I’m good.


V.D. FREE for All

Actually, it’s an ALL for FREE Valentine’s Day gift. The post title just grabbed attention more effectively. Trust me, I need all the help I’s can get in that area.

In the spirit of the holiday, my alter ego, Robert C. Bradshaw. convinced me to run another promotion. His two stories are about love. (insert: a heavily sighed comment) So, I guess it’s appropriate. Therefore, I decided to offer my title, as well. You know, for those who would rather read a Fictionalized Memoir. ?


I think I should just present the promotion and be done. This whole attempt at humor just isn’t working.



Just click on a title icon and download one, two or all three books. FREE. It really is that simple. Added BONUS – it makes a nice gift idea. Not as nice as … Shacking up. Okay, that was bad. I am so done!

Happy Valentine’s Reading!

pork chops, cast iron skillets, and Peter Brady?

the scoop
A few years ago, I realized my son liked pork chops. This made me very happy because I like pork chops. I’m not talkin’ that whole butterflied, boneless shit. Give me the true American classic that is the bone-in pork chop. However, I have never cooked pork chops. For some bizarre reason, my wife is convinced pork is the anti-meat rather than the other white meat. (no slur intended – accept against my wife)
the situation
Therefore, I needed advice. My grandmother did pork well. That and pancakes, of course. Sadly, she has been gone for some time now. So, I consulted the next best alternative – Jake the Bald Butcher. The dude has never let me down.
the solution

Not only did he fix me up with the proper cut, but he instructed me so well Yoda of all things Blog would be proud. Best of all – it was really, really easy.

After seasoning the meat, melt a shit-ton of butter in a cast iron skillet. Brown the first side, then flip.  Place the skillet in the over for about 12 minutes.  I decided to flip it again about 8 minutes in to let the juices drain back through.


the sizzle

Now, my son is back at school and only my youngest remains at home. She’s not a pork chop fan. Yet. But, she loves steak. Gotta love a woman who likes red meat, eh?

Recently, I decided we needed a mid-week pick me up and steaks seemed to fit the bill. Unfortunately, the day was kinda not happenin’. Try as I might, I just couldn’t turn it around either. Since my culinary expertise is NOT grilling, I was destined to be skewered.  Honestly, I just wanted something fool proof and easy – I so didn’t want to fuck it up.
Alas, Jake the Bald Butcher came through.  Again. The same cast iron skillet/oven technique works for steak. In fact, Mr. Jake can be quoted as saying he prefers his steak prepared this way – pan-seared and sizzlin’. Yeah, baby!
the ‘scene’

Here’s cooking for you, Kid.


Well, the primary reason for this post is to move forward. Not into this new decade thing. That’s going to happen regardless. Besides, it’s just so cliche. What I’m talking about is this blog. My last post was my annual plug to those that have come … unplugged.

Sorry, that was bad.

Still, I need to keep my site updated. My focus remains my new project. The last few weeks have really shorted that circuit. So, rather than trip a breaker, I’m going … acoustic? This retro classic is a live wire, baby – sure to recharge any outlet gone bad.

Keep calm and unplug on –

a-ha! (pun so intended)

The Adam Thomas Christmas Tradition

Deck the Halls of New Age societal freaks and their need to label everything. Or re-label everything. First,  there was that uncoupling nonsense. Now, there is – wait for it – polyamory. So dumb.

Polyamory is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved. It has been described as “consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy”.

Basically, it’s dating. Just re-labeled. Once again – so dumb. From a guys perspective, that whole non-committal thing is a very nice arrangement. Unfortunately, when the ‘rules’ change someone, probably the woman, is NOT going to be happy. Not sure what that term will been renamed. But, I can guarantee it will resemble one of these conditions listed below.  And, if it’s Christmas time, caroling by the emotionally disturbed will be Harked. They won’t be Angels. But, they will be heralding. Something.

I realize this was not the best lead in for presenting my annual list of those Psychologically Challenged Christmas Carols.  Still, it’s makes you Wonder (as you Wander) if this List will be checked twice then updated accordingly. By the way, I checked – it hasn’t. Yet.

Regardless of your relationship status, feel free to sing along. I’m sure one, if not more, tunes are applicable.

  1. Schizophrenia — Do You Hear What I Hear?
  2. Multiple Personality Disorder — We Three Kings Disoriented Are
  3. Dementia —I Think I’ll Be Home for Christmas
  4. Narcissistic — Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
  5. Manic — Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and . . .
  6. Paranoid — Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
  7. Borderline Personality Disorder — Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
  8. Personality Disorder — You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll Tell You Why
  9. Attention Deficit Disorder — Silent Night, Holy OOOOOOOOh look at the Froggy, can I have chocolate, why is France so far away?
  10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder — Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bell …

Merry Christmas!

Honestly, I’m not a fan of this song. Much to this Little Drummer Boy’s dismay, the  ‘extended’ ending in this version is totally  polyamoriclly correct. Hohoho, no – What would Mariah Carey say?

She’s back and we’re Thankful

What would  a holiday be without tradition? And, Adele.? And, the SNL crew?

Definitely NOT this funny.  Have a nice Thanksgiving!

Gobble, gobble!

No tricks – just treats

Treats for Kindle / e-book readers, of course. Personally, I still love that book thing. But, for now I have to accept what Kindle can do for that cause. So, in the spirit of Halloween, and because I have a complex about BOGO vasectomies, I decided to run another  promotional campaign.

TODAY October 29, 2019 ONLY –





Just click the book cover icons to download titles. Hell, even Charlie Brown would appreciate this treat. Then again, two of the titles are love stories. Maybe a rock would be better?

Happy Halloreading!

Random thoughts of Autumn Nonsense

Honestly, this post has nothing to do with Autumn. But, it is that time of year. ‘Updates and understandings’ would probs be a more appropriate title. However, that usually referenced previously posted material and I understand less and less as I age. Thus, the title stands as is.  Besides, I missed posting. This blog remains my calling card – need to keep current. Otherwise, the Yoda of all that is Blog might delete my website ass. Can’t let that happen. My buns of steel are one of my best attributes.

So,  incessant rambling aside, on with the Nonsense.

  • my #happynewyear has arrived as it does every September. This is one quirk I refuse to change. January is so cliche. Fortunately, my new writing project started. Unfortunately, Life has challenged progress. I will prevail. Damn it!
  • My daughter loves ice. Personally, I could take or leave ice – buying ice is just dumb. Those bags smell fucking nasty after a few days. Still, I wanted to comply. In the scheme of parenting, ice is really, really low on the concern meter. Therefore, I bought ice trays. Now, I love ice. And, my daughter is happy.
  • I stopped reading my horrorscope. It’s a long story – not even blog worthy.
  • My landscape makeover was a welcome change. I so hated those fucking stones. Best of all, I removed a crusty, broken light post that would challenge even Thomas Kinkade’s creative abilities.   A neighbor did most  of the work. There were wires involved. Yikes.
  • My garden was pathetic. My daughter worked at a Nursery this past Spring. To show support, I purchased my vegetable plants there. Yeah, big mistake. It’s not all bad. I did pick some peppers. But, there weren’t purple AND it was in October. Go figure, eh!?
  • During a recent road trip to Chicago, I found some fun, bloggable billboard bits. A Urologist in Valparaiso, IN is offering a BOGO FREE on vasectomies. (pause) All I ever advertised was a Kindle All three, All free, All day promotional. I feel so … geld.
  • Old people should NOT be allowed to own a cell phone. They have no idea whatsoever on how to use the damn thing. A mandatory shut the fuck up app should be pre uploaded onto their phones if purchased, though.
  • The new Shingles vaccine finally became available. Ugh! Now, there’s a shortage on High Dose Flu Shots. Yeah! I take way too much satisfaction informing the senior population of such a travesty.  (sarcasm intended)
  • Sign lady is officially … retired? Or, she succumbed to a worse fate.  Hmm … . Worse -whomever took over didn’t read the manual. That shit posted on them there marquee ain’t very funny. To add insult to reading injury, the grammar rivals my last sentence. On the bright side, I did see a random marquee around town boost a rather thoughtful proverb – Sign in need of repair. Then again, aren’t we all? 
  • Last, but certainly not least, I am headed to Iowa for my 30 year reunion. Crazy, eh? Neither MasterCard Moment nor Ode will follow. I have moved on.  Besides, I use VISA now.

Well, that’s about it on My Non-Fictionalized Life over the last few months.  Even though I have moved on, some Adam Thomas blogging traditions are fast approaching that I may indulge. If I didn’t, Adele would never forgive me.

In closing – couldn’t resist this ‘ice’ cold blast from the past.

the ultimate BINGE read, … beach

So wanted that to be funnier. Anyway, I guess that’s what happens when you stop the regular blog posting, eh? Thought I would put a shout out about another Kindle promotion today only!




Just click the book cover icons to download titles. Remember, they are FREE!

Summer beach BINGE reading at it’s finest.

That sounds so much better.



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