I hate flu shots. I hate all immunizations. I hate the stupid smiles plastered on the happy faces of the stupid customers as they walk up to the wrong window of the pharmacy and say – “I want a flu shot.” And, yes, as a pharmacist you can spot those fucking smiles the moment the customer walks into the fucking store.
I went to pharmacy school. I am not a nurse and never wanted to be one. These so called services that retail pharmacy chains offer now are almost a hypocrisy. It’s a façade; corporate greed disguised as ‘customer services’. A few years back prescription profits started dwindling. So in their infinite, fucking wisdom, the corporate idiots decided that immunizations were a gold mine. Maybe they are, but those corporate idiots aren’t the ones giving the damn shots. I am!
If you haven’t already figured it out, it was a very difficult immunization weekend. People are so … stupid and careless when it comes to their immunizations and health care for that matter. Just knowing the service is there and available is reason enough to get every immunization possible. Even if it’s not necessary. Why the fuck does someone who will never leave Traverse City need a Typhoid vaccine?
Considering the following ‘immunization anecdotes’.
THE HAPPY COUPLE – When asking a couple waiting for flu shots who wanted to go first. The husband promptly pointed to his wife and blurted, “her! She’s going first. And when you give her the shot,” he continued vehemently, motioning wildly with his hand. “Stick her in the head and move the needle around slowly. Make sure it hurts.”
And you all thought I was angry?!
THE TIME-MANAGEMENT CHALLENEGED FAMILY – It’s 4:30pm on Sunday. A couple approach with their college-aged son and request flu shots. After the appropriate paperwork was processed and the elderly father made really stupid comments about everything. “Are you giving the shot?” he chided the technician. “I hope it’s not your first time. Because that would really be bad.” Ha.Ha.Ha. Fucking idiot. Then the threesome hovered around the check-out counter, hindering others from approaching. When asked to step aside so the next customer could be assisted, the woman responded, “the ad says there’s no wait. We are in a hurry. We need to get our son to college.”
Let me get right on that was my first response, of course. Not! The kid probably came home from school Friday. Here’s the kicker – after all that bitchin’ the family shopped in the store AFTER I gave them their shots.
THE ‘I’M ALLERGIC TO FLU SHOTS BUT I STILL WANT ONE ANYWAY’ WOMAN – Yes, someone IS that stupid. It does get better. She proceeded to ask if we could administer her flu shot in incremental doses over the course of three weeks. Only then does she not have a reaction.
Anyone?
Look, I write fiction and I couldn’t dream of half this shit. It’s some good material; disturbing, but good.
