Hair today, gone tomorrow

On March 11, my barber, let’s name him Fred for post purposes, whom I have been going to for some 14 years, had knee surgery.  Unfortunately, I did not plan accordingly from my last visit.  Now, I really needed a haircut.  Please understand, I am not that neurotic by only allowing one person to cut my hair.  I have so many other things to be concerned with – that is not one of them.  Besides, it’s hair.  It will grow.  And, there’s always gel.  Furthermore, I have ‘strayed’ before. However, this blog was not available then to highlight such… styling indiscretions.

Until now.

First, a few background barber ‘bits:

  • I have a long face, therefore I need an appropriate cut.  If not, gel gets wasted and … .  It ain’t pretty.
  • my hair grows faster on the left side of my head.  Truthfully, I’m just happy I have hair that does, in fact, still grow. Though the woman that told me this ‘bit inspired this post.  Hmm… .
  • crew cuts are a very bad look for me
  • never ask a bald man where to get a haircut*
  • a few years ago, a styling indiscretion led to a ‘faux’ mullet.  Definitely, something I want to ‘faux’-get.  Luckily, Fred knows nothing about this … faux pas.
  • Fred takes appointments, charges $17, and is quite the perfectionist.
  • Lastly, I’s got me a new pair of Revo sunglasses. Cool.  The rims are a clear, charcoal tint.  Since my hair is darker brown the rims appear similarly hued. Very Cool.  I realize this has little to do hair, but it kinda does.  Regardless, sunglasses ARE important.

Now, I had a perfect opportunity to stray without guilt, I might add.  Unfortunately, life got in the way.  Fast-forward another week – I really, really needed a haircut.   Think Wolverine without the lamb chop sideburns.  And, those switchblade knuckle things, of course.  In desperation AND at the advice from a bald butcher named Jake*, I found a … solution.

A local barber shop downtown –

Walk in. Sit right down.  Clip here/clip there. Relief.  Her – attempts conversation. Me – Polite responses.  Cut here/cut there. sigh. Thank you, Jake. Her – more conversation.  Me – thwarted. Still polite, though. Fred never talks. Look in mirror – clean  and short on sides.  I’m good with it.  Snip here/snip … . Pause in mid-snip. Hmm… . Interaction with another stylist. Concerned . ‘New’ technique demonstrated ON MY HEAD.  Don’t panic.  Sneak look in mirror.  Still good with it.  Her – still attempting conversation. Really? Me – no longer polite. Thinning shears. DONE. Final mirror review.  Hair  damp.  But … good?

Arrive at gym.

Remove hat. Hair dry.  Fuck me! Forget ‘Wolverine’, I’m Carrottop.  Attempt workout.  No focus.  Ugly haircut. Shit. I am SO not good with this. Panic Options. Return to shop – could get ugly. No time. Work at 2pm. Options. Next week? Can’t wait.  I listened to a bald guy! Options. What about … ? Look in mirror.  I could do this.


Scissors. Bathroom. ONLY SOLUTION.  Garbage can in sink. Fuck the gel. Grab lock of hair. Cringe. CLIP. That was … cathartic. Cutting frenzy.  Looks good.  Another chunk. Better.  Last snip –

Best, worst haircut ever!

Barber Shop Quartet – Late Night Style

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