Thankfully, I’m done dealing with this colonoscopy Nonsense. At least for 5 years, that is. More importantly, I have moved on. To rocks. (pause) I live such an exciting life, eh? Alas, these are no ordinary rocks, mind you. These are Butler Arts Smokey Mountain Quartz – a decorative landscaping gravel that is a natural stone from the deserts of California which will add a dynamic element to any garden landscape.
Who am I trying to fool? They are just ordinary rocks. So ordinary in fact, that I am so over them. That quality description above did help ‘sell’ my rocks, though. First, a little back story.
Over the last few years, the landscape surrounding my front porch has become … problematic. Translation: it’s ugly as fuck. Weeds and moss have taken over, strangling what perennial flowers actually survive these wonderfully long Northern Michigan winters. I’ve sprayed every damn chemical known to gardeners. Much to my wife’s chagrin, I might add. She’s a bit ‘sensitive’ about that whole Round Up situation. Yikes!
Unfortunately, everything applied was just a temporary fix. When the deterrent main ingredient weakened, the overgrowth only got stronger. A drastic makeover was necessary. I was up for the challenge. However, removing fifteen years of moss covered, ‘natural stone from the deserts of California’ is a rather daunting task – not to mention physical demanding. Fortunately, I had an idea to facilitate my impending Random rocks.
On the Traverse City Facebook garage sale page, I posted my rocks. Technically, the rocks were FREE. All the buyer had to do was … remove them. People like the word FREE. Within a week, a dude hauled away the rocky remnants.
My gardening task is now quite manageable. Let the makeover begin!
Since talkin rocks is about as exciting as colonoscopies, I’ve decided to stop here. It’s still too cold to plant anyway. And, like most makeovers, it’s a process. In a valid attempt to salvage my postal reputation (it was rather ‘rocky’ after the last offering), I decided to provide various rock references – all in the sake of comic relief, naturally.
The Rock – Dwayne Johnson. Like that would ever be questioned?
a rock – size of a diamond ring center stone- regardless of what women say, size really does matter.
box of rocks – When a person, usually a male, has brain matter equivalent to a cardboard box containing a assortment of rocks with absolutely no street value. Leave it to the Urban Dictionary for such succinct definitions.
Rock of Gibraltar – The Rock of Gibraltar, also known as the Rock, (sorry Dwayne) is a monolithic limestone promontory located in the British overseas territory of Gibraltar, near the southwestern tip of Europe on the Iberian Peninsula
“I got a rock!” Charlie Brown’s infamous Halloween treat. Or was that a trick?
Bedrock – the only town that actually has more rocks than my landscaping. Besides, Barney Rubble IS my cartoon doppelganger. Which reminds me … .
And, last but never least, Rock and Roll, baby.
Rock on!
