How you doin’?

After a certain age, your perspective changes on just about everything – especially compliments.  Or what exactly is considered a compliment.  At fifty,  … . Hell, you pretty much take anything you can get.

Let me explain.

For the past fifteen years, I’ve had an annual physical.  Actually, I just get my labs done on a yearly basis.  My doctor and I have an understanding – unless something ‘rogue’ shows up – I’m good.  Every now and then the office recommends a complete exam. And, every now and then, I concede, of course.  The words ‘turn your head and cough’ are never music to any male patient’s ear.  When you hit the mid-forties,  the prostate exam gets added.  Let’s NOT go there, eh? (bad pun intended)

Thankfully I have a wonderful rapport with the office staff. They love me.  Funny tidbit about my doctor’s office – apparently the receptionists are quite the busy bodies.  Every caller for the nursing staff is asked their name.  This is a pet peev of mine.  Why wouldn’t it be? I rise above it, though.  Instead of saying,  ‘it’s none of your damn business’, I provide an alias.  Dan, Frank, and Raoul have all been given.  Raoul was only given once because the receptionist was really stupid and asked me to spell it.  Anyway, when they find out it’s me, the nurses think it’s hilarious and appreciate my humor.  At least someone does.

Doctor my … eyes – J Browne

Back to my story. When the lab results are available, the nurse, let’s name her Ann, calls.  She agrees to fax the report, but before she does she fields my few questions.  Here is how our recent conversation went down:

Ann: Everything unremarkable – doctor is pleased. Wants you to make an appointment for a complete physical.

Me: Of course, he does.  Ann, it took me six months just to get my labs… .

Ann: (politely interrupting) So, I’ll just chart that we spoke and you will  call to schedule at a later time.

Me: (slight chuckle) Sounds good – thanks. By the way, what was my sugar and cholesterol.

Ann: Glucose – 86 ; Total Cholesterol – 184.  And your Triglycerides,  she pauses, dramatic sigh … are just beautiful.

Me: Ann, you’ve always loved my Triglycerides.

Ann: (slightly embarrassed, soft spoken) I know.

(background chatter)

 Ann: Hey, I have to take this.

Me: No problem, Ann. Thanks.

I hung up the phone smiling, appreciating the sweet ‘everythings’ Ann had just whispered in my ear. Pause -insert dramatic sigh. Remember, I’m fifty. I take whatever I can get.  Besides complimenting a 50 year old on their lipid profile is like telling a 25 year old he has a nice ass. Lucky for me, I have both.

How you doin?

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post. Both comments and trackbacks are currently closed.