You should write a Testimonial

Let me first start by saying something – I hate testimonials.

Not that those that know me would ever think otherwise, of course.  What’s worse are the people – entrepreneurial  vultures of products with questionable validity that prey on the weaker minded consumers looking for guidance – that urge clients/customers to do just that and write a fucking testimonial.

I hate testimonials.

What exactly is a testimonial you ask?  Well, according to Yahoo – usually I go to the old fashioned dictionary and look it up.  But I was tired and lazy and just opened a new tab – the definition is as follows:

  1. A statement in support of a particular truth, fact, or claim.
  2. A written affirmation of another’s character or worth; a personal recommendation.
  3. Something given in appreciation of a person’s service or achievement; a tribute.

People are obsessed with these damn testimonials, too.  Everyone knows that if there is a positive testimonial about a certain product or service, it must be true.  Right?  If that’s the case, then I love retail pharmacy.  And I ‘m selling swampland in Florida – at a really good price.

What a crock of shit!

These entrepreneurs of said questionable products or services promise everything AND results that will certainly astound even the extreme medical pessimist.  Why wouldn’t their product or service? There’s a testimonial to prove it.

Also, these people are in control of their own websites and can determine which testimonials are or are not included.

I originally felt a tad hypocritical slamming this topic so vehemently.  Why?  I want people to review my work, hopefully favorably.  My 100th post was supposed to be celebrated with another five star review to commemorate my … blah, blah, blah.  But that never happened.  Instead I posted something stupid, although it was randomly fun. However, if I had received a marginal review  I would not have posted it.  Why would I?  See why I’m conflicted? But that marginal review would be there on Amazon or Good Reads for all to see.

That, to me, is the difference.  I am not trying to manipulate the reader.  Hell, with Amazon you can  preview the first chapter, borrow it, AND refund it.   Seeing a refund on your sales report is painful.  A negative review – Now, that just makes me want to reevaluate my entire existence while curled up in the fetal position.

I just realized that I am rambling.   My ultimate objective was to attempt to explain the difference between a testimonial and a review.  Furthermore, I wanted to depict the evil existence that are testimonials.  However upon rereading what I have just written I’m not sure either task was achieved.  Total fail.

I wish I had a witty anecdote to complete this post.  I don’t.   Instead, I will take the immature, but proper, textbook ‘theme-type’ approach and come full circle.

I hate testimonials.

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