No, I will not subject any innocent readers to lyrics from Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain” . Yet.
But, I will talk coffee. More importantly, my love for coffee and my reoccurring issues with coffee makers.
First coffee –
- I drink half-decaf, half regular in the morning and straight decaf at night. Though when ordering in a restaurant, some of the wait staff can be pretty stupid. I was once asked – “In the same cup?” or “Which do you want me to pour in first?” Unfortunately the sarcastic tone of my -“it doesn’t matter I stir it”, falls flat. Remember, these people are stupid. They’re probably medicated.
- I was never a mid-day drinker. No apparent reasoning there. Just never happened. Also, that ice coffee shit is gross as far as I ‘m concerned.
- I drink straight coffee with cream. I have never had a frappuccino, espresso, or any that frothy foam stuff with ‘a cinnamon dusting’. Often, fresh decaf is unavailable, especially in the evening. Pour over or that Americano thing works for me.
- I love hot coffee. Luke warm coffee that has sat on a burner for hours is completely disgusting.
- I spill coffee all the time, usually on myself … because I’m an idiot. Luckily, if I dribble down the front of my shirt, my tie covers the stain.
- Here in Traverse, we have some local roasters that do quite an incredible job. The blend I like the best is Ethiopian and Decaf Moca Java from Good Harbor. Higher Grounds is also popular. The coffee from there tends to have more undertones and aftertastes. Though, they roast a half-decaf/half regular blend appropriately called Gran’s Blend. It tastes like nuts. So I don’t drink it.
- Lastly, I hate grinding coffee. Long ago, I received a grinder as a gift. Then the kids came along. Once you wake up a child grinding coffee, YOU WILL NEVER DO IT AGAIN.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVDOB9mby_w
Coffee Makers –
This is really what prompted this rant. Contrary to what people may think, I’m a pretty basic guy. I am not high-maintenance or complicated. And when I comes to coffee makers, I am even more basic. All I want in a coffee maker is a fucking ON/OFF switch. I don’t PROGRAM, AUTO ON or want a grinder inside the damn coffee maker. I barely have patience to set the damn clock. Okay?
I know Mr. Coffee is the most basic machine out there, but even he’s gotten complicated. Yes, I have a small four cup machine as reserve back-up. Unfortunately I’ve needed to use that more often than I’ve wanted because of so many issues with coffee makers in general. By the way, this whole Keurig one-cup concept is stupid for in-home use. I drink pots of coffee not dinky-ass cups. Besides, that plastic cup thing that serves as a filter will be shown to cause cancer or something similar twenty years from now.
I could continue ranting, especially about this whole descaling thing that supposedly ‘cleans’ the coffee maker. But, I won’t. All I will say is that every time I clean the damn coffee maker, the machine works worse. How is that? I even read the directions – step by step!
After rereading what I’ve just written, I should probably switch to all decaf. Or, just add alcohol, eh?
