Climb Every … Massage Client

If I could, I would probably get a massage once a week.  But, I can’t.  So I often splurge on birthdays and what not to curb the fix.

I’ve had my share of humorous, yet surprisingly NOT awkward moments getting massages, too.  I’ve been pounded, walked on AND sat on by all sorts of women to achieve the desired affect – my relaxation.  If that doesn’t sound ‘sketch’, I don’t what would .  Be that as it may, my most memorable massage experience happened within the last year.  Rarely do I size up the masseuse, making preliminary judgments as I do in other situations.  With retail pharmacy I can tell you exactly what a certain customer is going to complain even before he/she opens  their fuckin’ mouth.  With the masseuse, I’m usually quite impartial.  It’s their job.  Besides I usually only go to a masseuse that has been recommended; not by a testimonial, I might add.  However as the therapist in question approached me, I was skeptical.  She was this short, frail, gray-haired woman. After introductions, I was informed that she was IN The Red Hats WITH my Mother-in-Law AND her grandson went to school with my youngest.  Yes, the Red Hat Society and GRANDSON.  But she was nice and it was a Gift Certificate.  Instantly expectations were lowered.  Really, how bad could it be?

The massage progressed smoothly.  Since there was so much tension in my back and she was smaller in physical stature, she needed a ‘better angle’ to work the desired area.  So, she mounted me.  Yes, you read that correctly.  There I was face down on a massage table and some sixty something grandmother climbs on top of me – and starts to work out those … kinks.  After a moment she paused and asked, “are you okay with this?”

Aside from snickering like a school boy, I calmly responded, “yes.”  The massage progressed smoothly.  End of story.

Recently, though, I’ve had better.  Not ‘the experience’, mind up, but the actual massage technique.

Cupping therapy is a form of alternative medicine in which cups are placed on the skin to create suction. The cups can be made of a variety of materials, including:

  • Glass
  • Bamboo
  • Earthenware

Supporters of cupping therapy believe the suction of the cups mobilizes blood flow to promote the healing of a broad range of medical ailments.  Cupping therapy dates back to ancient Egyptian, Chinese, and Middle Eastern cultures.

What’s even cooler is that the cups leave these circular, bruise-like marks; gross, but really cool at the same time.  Great conversation starters.  That’s if you wanted to start conversations with people.  Usually I don’t.  But, I’m sure if you did, the topic would be interesting.

Well, that’s it on the whole mounted massage – cupping experiences I’ve had.  Though you should all be comforted to know that if anything else equally memorable occurs in the future, I will share the details.

Sucks to be you, eh?

Get it? cupping – suction.  Oh well.


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