Mars, Venus, and the root of communication evils

So here it is.  The post I eluded to in ‘catching shit’ .

Believe it or not, I just finished the book  MEN ARE FROM MARS, Women Are from Venus   by John Gray.  By the way, that is exactly how the title is presented on the cover.  I’m thinkin’ there’s something subliminal behind that, but … .  Let’s come back to that.

I’ve often thought of myself as a good communicator.  As you gathered from this blog, I usually speak my mind AND listen to what others have to say.  Lately though, I feel I have faltered.  I needed help.  Many have referred to this Mars/Venus scenario; especially women.  Come to think of it – only women.  Besides, the book sold a gazillion copies so I figured maybe… give it a try?

Bad decision – Good blog material.

What a bunch of shit.  Yes, I know (and I am reminded on a daily basis) that men and women communicate differently.  But for women to look to this book for the answers?  It almost insults their intelligence.  I had good intentions on reading the entire book, but realized that after only a few chapters that WAS NOT POSSIBLE.  So, I skimmed the subjects presented in each chapter and read what I could.  But I did take notes.  For the sake of keeping this post as tightly worded as possible, I will present only a few and keep my comments to a minimum.  Unfortunately for you all,  that will be hard.

– the constant reference to Martians(men) and Venusians(women) was unbearable.  There was even a Martian/Venusian Dictionary and a Martian/Venusian  Phrase Dictionary.  One dictionary wasn’t enough?

– Men are like rubber bands ;  women are like waves.   Anyone?

– Why women don’t ask, Why women panic  and, of course, How men are confused.  Why wouldn’t men be confused if women panic and never ask?

– Then there was this whole ‘cave’ concept explaining how men withdraw into ‘the cave’ to cope, think, … .  The ‘How to support a man in his cave’ section strongly urged women to wait patiently, providing a list of things to do while the man was in the cave.  Furthermore, the author strongly urged women NEVER to go into a man’s cave or “you will be burned by the dragon”.   Yes, this book is ‘dated’ amongst other things, but urging women to read a book or paint their nails until a man came out is insulting, maybe even infuriating, to say the least.  And that’s comin’ from a dude IN THE CAVE!  This is also a good time to bring up how the title was typeset.  No women’s group had a problem with that? This was a huge bestseller remember.  If women want men to relate, give us some good material to work with.  None of this Martian/Venusian Dictionary shit.  To be quite frank,  if the ‘real dragon’ was allowed to come out a bit more, men would definitely listen.  Well, at least until we fell asleep.  AND there would be less secret reasons to argue – yes that was another sub-chapter.

– There are more; many, many more.  But I am done.  Remember I wanted to keep it tight. I will, however, leave you with what I consider the fundamental evil of all Martian/Venusian communication.

To fully express their feelings, women assume poetic license to use various superlatives, metaphors, and generalizations.

Which single-handedly explains why –  Men respond like this (another sub-chapter) .

Though I must say, knowing this communication technique explains a lot.



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