cycling idiots

Traverse City encourages bicycle riding. Oryana, a local co-op grocery store, gives a discount to patrons who walk or ride their bike to the establishment.  The surrounding counties offer countless roads that continue for miles, inviting even the most novice cyclist. In both cases, these enthusiasts are conscious riders who know what they are doing – OBEYING the Rules and SHARING the Road.

Unfortunately, this post is NOT dedicated to them. Instead, I direct my words to the casual assholes that neglect every law, swerving between   cars and trucks that could easily make them roadkill.  What’s worse – they don’t care.  Moreover, these cydiots* are not the ‘goodwill ambassadors’ avid cyclists encourage.  Oh, don’t even get me started on those fudge fucked tourists that rent bikes at their hotel.


Rather than continuing on a tyrannical rant, I decided to offer guidance to these ‘compromised’ individuals.  I realize it’s probably pointless.  These morons can’t even read traffic signals.  So, a post about cycling ‘Do’s and Don’ts‘ is mute.  But I promise it will be fun.  At their expense, of course.

Cyclists have the same rights and responsibilities as drivers. Obey traffic signals and stop signs. Ride with traffic; use the rightmost lane headed in the direction you are going.  Bicyclists can be held liable in traffic mishaps.  The long arm of the law will clothesline these cydiot fuck ups.  Justice prevails.

Make intentions clear to everyone on the road. Ride in a straight line and don’t swerve between parked cars. Signal turns, and check behind you well before turning or changing lanes.  Here in the primary reason there is rage against cyclists.

Ride where people can see you and wear bright clothing. Use a front white light, red rear light and reflectors when visibility is poor. Make eye contact with others and don’t ride on sidewalks.  Normally, I avoid eye contact.  It’s a work hazard.  Once eye contact is established, you’re committed.  For me, that’s never a good thing. 

Anticipate what drivers, pedestrians, and other people on bikes will do next. Watch for turning vehicles and ride outside the door zone of parked cars. Look out for debris, potholes, and other road hazards. Cross railroad tracks at right angles.  You have to have AND use a brain to ‘think ahead’.  The majority of these riders lack both. 

Check your tires, brakes, chain, and that quick release levers are closed. Carry tools and supplies that are appropriate for your ride. Wear a helmet.  A helmet is also necessary in road side altercations as well.  Sucks for them – I aim for the balls.  Hell, those things are probably numb anyway. 

I have never been a big bike rider.  Those seats really don’t work for me.  It’s a good thing, though.  I’m an angry driver.  Could you imagine what kind of cyclist I’d be?  Hmm … .  Scary.  Furthermore, My Life is so loved in the Retail Pharmacy community, a ‘rage’ fueled altercation  against me would never occur. (sarcasm intended)

wanna ‘race’?

*cydiots – cycling idiots

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post. Both comments and trackbacks are currently closed.