contributing to the delinquency of my minors

I AM a bad influence on my children.  This time, I blame my mother NOT retail.  Go figure, eh?   I’m sure if I thought real hard I could somehow angle it to blame retail,  but for now – it’s all Mom.  Since I’m already  #WANTED, this altercation should come as no surprise.

popcorn just doesn’t cut it

I love dessert – especially when watching movies.  Moreover, I love going to the movie theater.    I usually wait to see first run films for a few weeks because crowded theaters really suck.  Everyone has their own agenda AND it usually doesn’t correspond with mine – watching the movie in quiet without distraction.

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/saturday-night-news-segment—movie-critic/n9321

Also, retail hours and parenting schedules dictate accordingly.  So when I finally get to go to the theater, I want to go on my terms.  Deciding what treat I want is a crucial part of the master plan. Furthermore, I can honestly guarantee concession will NOT have the dessert I crave on any given visit.  Oh, I love coffee, too.  If the theater even offers coffee – it’s a Keurig or it has been sitting on the burner since the usher shift began. Five hour old coffee can never, ever be considered  ‘Fresh Brewed’.

BYOC, baby

So how does this all come together?  It’s me.  Seldom does that happen.  But, when thinking of creative ways to to get my culinary contraband into the theater without getting stopped by the usher police, I’m that good.  Let’s face it, ushers at  movies theaters are a different breed.  The majority could care less about, well, anything.  However, when it comes to smuggling in ‘outside food’ – things change.  WARNING: never challenge a theater employee when popcorn or Raisinettes are  involved.

a learned behavior

When I was growing up, my mother loved the movies as well.  It was cheaper forty years ago.  Besides, there were seven of us – she needed something to occupy our time.  To keep things affordable, she ‘creatively smuggled’ items into the theater.   That woman had talent.  And, luggage for a purse.  She could fit an entire six pack of pop in her purse.  True story.  You go, Mom!

my best effort to date

My son and I were going to see some Super Hero movie.  I wanted cake.  Unfortunately, the cake to-go container was rather cumbersome.  And, it needed to remain level.  I had the Thermos of coffee hidden, but the cake was … problematic.  As we stood in the parking lot, my son had a Flash of Genius.  His hoodie.  I’m not talkin’ pocket shit either. I’m talkin’ hood. Red Velvet cake was at stake. This was important.  I placed the cake container inside the hood of his hoodie.  It was perfectly level.  All I had to do was adjust the surrounding material to camouflage the contents.

A proud moment in deed!

Opening soon:

Murder on the Orient Express

Side note: Graydon Carter editor of Vanity Fair tried to smuggle a Starbucks into a theater once.  That didn’t go so well.  He was mad and penned his ‘discontent’  in a monthly Editor’s Letter of Vanity Fair.  Me, I just have this blog.  I’m good, though.

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