FAUX PAS

So here’s something fun.  Considering the last post was a eulogy and the one before that was an angry rant, fun is definitely in order.

My wife went to the local library branch only to realize the annual book sale was in progress.  She returned home with not one but TWO books on etiquette.  Remember I have children.  Books on etiquette are probably a very good idea.  Besides the books were like fifty cents each and the whopping proceeds went to the library.  Though I’m certain my overdue book fees surpassed that sum already this year.

Anyway, the first book was Emily Post’s Etiquette 15th  Edition.  She is the undisputed expert in the field; the Julia Child of etiquette.  I reminded my wife that I had actually purchased an earlier edition decades ago.  I was rough around the edges and decided a little help wouldn’t hurt.  Unfortunately I never read the book, using it primarily for reference when faced with socially awkward situations.  Remember it’s me.  I’m always in socially awkward situations.  The book either got lost in various moves or pitched because I realized it was hopeless cause.

The second book intrigued me – The Everything Etiquette Book  by Nat Segaloff.  The format is similar to those ‘Dummy’ books of which I’m familiar.  Very user friendly and not a lot of fancy words.  So I flipped through the book.  Chapter Twelve –  FAUX PAS: Etiquette Tips You Can’t Live Without caught my eye.

Eating Like A Human Being

From what it says, “excuse me, may I have a comb for my potatoes?” IS NOT the proper way to inform your host there is a hair in your food.  Still my eating habits serve as constant entertainment for my children.  I enjoy my food.  Is there anything wrong with that?

Personal Hygeine

I failed in this category miserably. Belching and rippin’ a good one ARE things to be proud of.  Yes, I refrain from doing either in public when possible, but sometimes it just feels right.

You Know Better Than That

  • Accidental Eavesdropping.  To me there is nothing accidental about eavesdropping.  And, I am very good at it I might add.
  • Irritating Habits – I have none of these.  Next topic.
  • Unintended Insults – If only my mouth had a rewind and re-record function.
  • Asking Someone’s Age –   At the pharmacy we KNOW everyone’s date of birth.
  • Comments on Plastic Surgery – It’s amazing how people share information like this WITHOUT EVEN BEING ASKED. Women can be quite proud of certain ‘enhancements’.  If you know what I mean.

Well, that’s it for know.  I’m certain this book will stick around for awhile.  Not for it’s intended purpose, of course, but its ability to make me laugh.

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