“I’m Alright. No one’s worried about … the chipmunk?”

The builder in our subdivision attempted to be ‘creative’ with large boulders, grouping them on various properties.  Whether these boulders were meant to be ornamental, picturesque or just land markers, I’m really not certain.   Moreover, the majority are situated along side of the utility boxes.  The three on my property are just big rocks that I have to mow around.  Since I can’t move the damn things, I decided to modify their appearance. So, I built a flower garden around everything.  I even incorporated an Arbor Day  pine tree sapling one of the kids brought home from school that had actually matured.  It looks great.  An added bonus – everything  survived the winter.

Even the chipmunk!

Yes, that’s where this IS going.  Damn chipmunks.  I almost twisted my ankle on a new hole mowing the lawn.  Something needed to be done.

I tried chewing a big wad of Juicy Fruit gum and throwing it down the hole, hoping the rodent might choke and die some horrible death. Nothing!

I tried those stupid poison pellets.  I think I empty the entire jar into the holes.  Nothing!

The Bill Murray – explosive plan wasn’t approved by the condo board. (see clip below).  Besides, that was a gopher.  This is a chipmunk.

My neighbor had quite a few one year and caught each one.  When I inquired how, she said she stuck the hose down the hole and just waited for it to emerge.  Then she clubbed the thing on the head with a bat.  I’m kidding, okay.  She was humane about it.  Grumble, grumble. The varmint was easily detained, then relocated.

Personally the clubbing with a bat works well for me.  But, believe it or not, I am also humane.  Now I had a strategy. So, I just waited for the opportune time.

It was early evening.  My daughter was helping me water the landscape and clean up the floral debris around the yard.  As I made my way to the ‘boulder’ garden, the chipmunk ran past and scurried into a hole.  I mumbled  a few choice words quietly – my daughter was within earshot.   Grabbing the hose and a container, I shoved the hose in the hole.  Within seconds the blasted thing was inside the container, scrabbling for its life.  I cherished the moment, wallowing in my success.  My daughter on the other hand was gathering grass clippings for her new pet.  Insert more choice words mumbled quietly here.  Before anything else could go wrong, I secured the holding cell, drove off, and released the pesky critter in the open lot behind alternative high school.  Poetic Justice on my part for the location choice.

Though, if I had only been a bit more patient.  The neighbor cat has stepped-up and contributed to the … chipmunk body count.  I’m thinkin’ Alvin is rethinking the disadvantages of relocation right now.

Still, Bill Murray had the right idea.


Damn condo association by laws.

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