Spring cleaning

I realize Spring is almost over, but I’m still cleaning. Besides, I mailed my Christmas cards out in April. So I’m thinkin’ this whole time issue is pointless.

I AM a very organized person.  Some might contend that I am a little too organized.  A few snide remarks probably come to mind for those that know me, but … fuck off, okay. Life is messy.  With the complications of mere existence, being organization is practically a necessity.   As a pharmacist, such skills are a prerequisite.  And, remember, I have three kids.   Any questions? Oh and that ‘fuck off’ was not intended to be offensive.  I wrote that with the utmost sincerity.

Some twenty years ago, I heard an anecdote about a key.  The teller of the story found a key, but had no idea what that key unlocked.  He must have been an organized dude, or just very obsessed about this particular key because he really wanted to know its origin.  He wrote the date on a piece of tape and attached it to the key.  If in a year he didn’t find the ‘lock’ to which said key belonged, he would throw it away.  Alas, the riddle was never solved and the key was discarded.

I liked this thought process and decided to apply it to my household belongings that have acquired over the years.  Unfortunately, I have a wife … that doesn’t agree with this ‘philosophy’.  Consequently, my basement is a complete mess, amassing heaps of  ‘we need to save that’ crap on every available piece of floor space.  I accept it for what it is and I am certain my day to clean will come.  Luckily, her embarrassment of ‘the basement’ is getting the best of her.  Hmm … . Imagine that.

Until that day of  the dumpster occurs, let me indulge my Freudian organizational observations about myself –

  • my e-mail inbox is empty – everything has an appropriate file or is answered within 24 hours, then deleted
  • likewise, I have a file drawer for important papers.  My wife, on the other hand, has piles of shit stacked on the counter top, causing it to slope accordingly. I exaggerated slightly, okay.  But I’m certain the counter will eventually sag from the load.  Really.
  • I prioritize everything and can multitask as well, if not better, than any woman.  Bring it, bitches!
  • on a random, but similar cleaning-type topic, I hate cleaning up peanut butter.  My daughter loves to eat it on ice cream or out of the jar.  She deals with that mess herself.  The residual smell seems to get EVERYWHERE  and lingers obnoxiously.
  • I ‘m a closet slob in hotel rooms. I ain’t no Joe Walsh, tear(ing) out the walls. But I do need that – DO NOT DISTURB sign. You see, I DON’T   have accountants that pay for it all.

Joe Walsh – Life’s Been Good

Caution: this is a live version of the song that might be a good jam for longer cleaning jobs – like my basement.  Luckily, the verse referenced is in the first two minutes.  With that said –

Clean on!

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