Don’t worry, this post has nothing to do with the Academy Award winning movie The Shape of Water. Rewording the title totally worked for this entry, though. I chose Easter candy because the celebration is, like, next week and I needed to get my annual fix. Throwing shade at retail commercialization of holidays is quite fun.
let’s hop to it
A friend of mine started as a technician, went to pharmacy school, then climbed the store ladder to become management. For the record, I tried to talk him out of every career advancement. He didn’t listen. No one ever does. And, yes, we are still friends. He’s a good guy. Eventually, he grew weary of the retail side and decided to become a corporate suit. Unfortunately, that ‘suit’ didn’t really fit either. Why doesn’t anyone ever listen to me? Fortunately, he is quite motivated and more resourceful than me, so everything worked in his favor.
Once I asked him if there was anything he missed about working retail. He thought for a moment, then responded, “holiday shaped candy.” Sounds funny coming from a grown man, but we all have our indulgences. When working retail pharmacy, it’s the little things in life, or the promotional aisle in this case, that get you through long ass days. If an egg-shaped Snickers bar makes you happy – go for it!
eggistentially shaped
Every holiday has it shapes – some scarier and more questionable than others, of course. I’m pretty basic – Santa and snowman shaped chocolates for Christmas stockings, hearts for Valentine’s Day, and egg shaped Easter chocolates. Once I indulged in green-sprinkled, shamrock shaped butter cookies. Those were from a bakery and don’t count. To be perfectly honest, I have issues with chocolate bunnies. (Pause) Let me rephrase that. My children dislike bunny shaped chocolates because the ears break off too easily.
confectioner peer pressure
Let’s face it – every candy company ‘shaped up’, realizing that fun packaging made it into Easter baskets. In my opinion, there is too much fake peanut butter in the Reese’s egg. It’s all about the ratio, man. Snickers eggs just taste different. And, I prefer Milky Way Dark eggs over Milk Chocolate for some reason. Don’t ask me why. Thankfully, none of these manufacturers hopped on the ‘bunny’ bandwagon. (pun intended). Or ducks for that matter.
the bunny laid that egg
A friend from college loved Cadbury eggs. Gross. I just can’t do that creamy, liquid center thing – sounds and looks absolutely disgusting. Besides, the thought of that much the sugar in one treat is … gross.
my peeps love Peeps
When I was young, marshmallow Peeps where the family bomb. It was our Easter basket staple. Peeps could do any damn shape they wanted as far as my family was concerned. Peeps did bunnies good. I think they even did ducks. (Pause)
Well, I think my rant is over. Whether it’s done or not, it should be over. I was pausing way too much.
Jelly Bird Eggs anyone?
