I’ve come un…galvanized?

Recently, I’ve realized that my ass has gone a bit … soft.  My ‘buns of steel’ have un-galvanized, corroding into some other substance that I’m not very happy about, okay.  I used to pride myself in having such an ass-et.  That was a joke by the way; as is this entire post.  Butt, it’s already out there.  So I’m just gunna go with it.

First some background info on muscles AND aging.

  • Muscles take longer to respond to brain signals in your 50s than they did in your 20s.  Furthermore, your muscles can’t repair themselves as quickly as they used to, due to a decrease in enzyme activities and protein turnover.

Damn enzymes!

  • The water content of tendons (the cord-like tissues that attach muscles to bones) decreases as you age. This change makes the tissues stiffer and less able to tolerate stress.
  • Age-related muscle loss is also called sarcopenia, which means “vanishing flesh.”

This sounds more like a phenomenon/scenario in a Stephen King story than an ailment.  Regardless, it sounds gross.  Though some of that flabby flesh on my ass could vanish and I would be fine with that.

  • Changes start as early as your 30s, but most people see the biggest changes between their 40s and 50s.  On average, people lose about 30 percent of their strength between ages 50 and 70, and another 30 percent of what’s left per decade after that. Generally, people lose about 1 percent of their lean muscle mass per year after age 40.

Well, that just sucks.

So now what?

I researched solutions. The search results were abundant.  Moreover, the amount of useless information almost distracted from the useful information.  So, I decided to interpret what I’ve read.  Wow, that should make for an interesting read, eh?

  •  Behavior modification

Eating turtle cheesecake at 9:30pm is probably a behavior I should modify.  Also, portion control is huge.  Well, it shouldn’t be huge portions, but it should be a huge concept.  Luckily, this has become a natural progression for me.  The cheesecake thing hasn’t progressed as well, but … .  I AM trying to modify.  How does 7:30pm sound instead?

  • Workout modification

Recently, I was instructed to always engage the buttocks especially during leg exercises.  When this is done, the abs are naturally included, stabilizing, while strengthening the core.  Always push through the heels to complete the movement.  Less weight, increased reps and increased holding time for each rep tones muscle more efficiently.

  • Reality modification

I realize there is no modification to reality.  However, understanding, then changing negative habits appropriately may aide in acceptance of such things.  Therefore, change is inevitable. Fuck that!  This is not intended to be a motivation post in any way.  Furthermore, I ain’t acceptin’ nothin’.  My goal before I turn fifty is to re-galvanize this ass of mine.  Insert manly grunt.

Break out the Butt-Buster, baby!

The link below is from THE ORIGINAL Buns of Steel series.  Spoiler alert  – it’s really creepy, dated, and … just creepy.  Don’t even get me started on Spandex.


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