Adam Thomas, RPH

This past weekend, my son was home for dinner both Saturday AND Sunday night.  A rarity for his schedule – both social and work.  Since he is the biggest fan of my cooking, I decided to tailor the meals just for him.  My wife and his two sisters have less open-minded pallets.  Therefore, they eat chicken.  A lot. And, yes, they even complain about the damn chicken.  Not really.  But there are ‘comments’.

Below is what I prepared on his behalf.

Saturday – seasoned  New York strip steak, baked potato, vegetable stir fry with zucchini, yellow squash, and onion

Sunday – chicken breasts stuffed with homemade pesto, mashed potatoes, asparagus

My son is twenty.  Therefore, he is still tentative on the whole vegetable side dish concept.  I’m totally fine with that.  Those creations are for me. And, my wife, of course, to eat with her chicken.  Both these entrees were executed to perfection.  Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration, but the food was fucking awesome – especially the steaks.  Normally, I suck at grilling.  But these steaks were amazing.

Before my son even took one bite of each  meal, he … dramatic pause … added ketchup. (insert: heavy sigh) I even heard that horrendous ‘fart’ noise the squeeze bottle makes when it’s compressed.  Then, if that wasn’t bad enough, he waited for the bottle to recoil and squeezed  again.

I  almost cried.  In fact, I think I did later that evening when I was alone, curled up in the corner in the fetal position.

To be perfectly honest, no tears were shed.  Instead, I washed the dishes.  I thought the dramatic flare was a nice touch though.  But, I did  vehemently  curse the inventor of said ketchup as I scraped  his plate.

For the record, this whole condiment gene is from my wife’s lineage.  My father-in-law even puts ketchup on pasta. Gasp .  Yes, you read that correctly.  Pasta. Fun fact, my mother-in-law is 100% Italian. I thought I had it rough. Ketchup on homemade pasta sauce.  Ouch!

Me. I never use ketchup.  It’s really kinda’ gross if you ask me.  In fact, I don’t even put the stuff on my hamburger.  I think that may be un American.  But, … . I like mustard. though.  And mayo.  Does that count?

Regardless, I love my son. He’s a good boy.  Furthermore, I love cooking for him.  He will be off to college in a few short months.  As far as I’m concerned, he can do whatever the hell he wants to his food.  All that matters is that he is home, eating what I’ve prepared.  Then, we sit around the dinner table and … catch up.

http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/assembly-line/2834510

Unfortunately,  I ain’t got nothin’. Yet.  Shit, I’m still getting rid of ‘the old’.  Case in point –

Apr 03, 2017

• Champion sweat pants that should’ve been pitched 20 years ago
•  ‘would you ever be caught dead in these sweatpants’ ugly
• DUMPSTER
• now I really do have nothing to wear home from the gym

Ugh! it’s been a long time coming.  Now I’m just waiting – very patiently (note: sarcastic tone) – for this whole feng shui concept to engage.  According to this principal, the universe is in a state of continual change, forever attempting to maintain balance.  Translation – I’m due for something new.  My balance, in this case my closet, should be restored.

Fuck that shit.  The only balance I know is the one in my bank account. Not only isn’t it maintained, but it ain’t ready for the changes I incurred with my wardrobe catharsis. Makeovers are expensive.  If you really think about it, though,  all the articles of clothing I pitched were rarely wore.  Thankfully.  Just so those who know me won’t be scared, I do have clothes to wear home from the gym.

So, where am I going with all of this?

No fucking clue.  I wish I did though.  Because I truly need to change things up a bit.  And, I ain’t talking any of this amateur closet purging shit either. I need a major overhaul.  But, when you think about change and what you can and can’t change it gets … complicated.  Some debunk all responsibility in a selfish pursuit of what is viewed as happiness.  Not me. I will not compromise my adult responsibilities in some self-absorbed meltdown.  I’ll save that for those Kardashians.  Besides, meltdowns are so overrated.

Sometimes other changes evolve, serving as a ‘distraction’. If everything goes as planned, this fall two of my three children will be away, pursuing their own individual interests.

So, where does that leave me?

Right here, right now, baby, making sure these pipe dreams for my kids precipitate.  After that, maybe, just maybe I can ponder my own continuum with the hope that my ‘balance’, and I ain’t talking closet here, will get restored.

Dec 01, 2016

• (item)   trash container in car
• (reason)   obnoxious – in the way
• (where)     neighborhood garbage can on way out of town
• (commentary)    foreshadowing of things to … change
  

Jan 13, 2017

• ugly ass sweater
• dated and ugly
• hotel garbage can in Brighton, MI
• did I say it was ugly?

Feb 01, 2017

• ‘carpenter’ jeans
• faded, dated, high-waisted
• garbage can at home
• I can’t hammer shit.  Why do I need carpenter jeans?

March 07, 2017

• flannel pajama pants
• crotch seam ripped when I squatted down to pick something up
• garbage can at home
• my buns of concrete really are that strong

March 22, 2017

• Born loafers I only wore to work because they were so damn ugly
• smelly, ugly as fuck, uncomfortable
• gym locker room – one in each garbage can
• I’m glad there wasn’t a third garbage can.  Hmm… .

March 24, 2017

• dark brown khaki Dockers ‘pants’ that no one would ever refer to as ‘nice’
• ugly, of course, dated, and the waistband clasp broke
• where else – gym locker room garbage can – only one was needed
• actually, I broke the clasp myself.  It was hanging on by a thread.  I had a moment. I’m better now. Oh, I pitched the ugly ass belt I wore that day, too.

In case anyone is wondering, I DID have clothes to wear when I left the gym after each incident. Okay?

March 26, 2017

• ice cream scoop
• relatively new purchase
• broke in half as I was scooping ice cream
• totally an accident –  I harbored no ill-will toward that scoop

Changin’ it up with T Swift

sincerity counts

Believe it or not, I actually give a fair amount of compliments.  Yes, you read that correctly.  Sometimes I really do say nice things to people. I realize I post regularly about my negative interactions with the general public.  In fact, I vocalize my hatred for people openly.  Hell, my male version of Resting Bitch Face is so deeply rooted,  it radiates my entire being.  Be this as it may, if I find something I like about an individual, I tell that person.  I have one golden rule when delivering said praises.  Every compliment is sincere.  I mean every fucking word.

lost opportunity

I was at the gym last week and this dude in his early sixties was working out.  He wasn’t a regular at that time of day, but the dude was impressive in his training.  And, he had killer calves.  I have been a leg guy all my life.  If a woman has nice legs, it’s almost guaranteed she’s going to have a really nice ass, too. I don’t have a similar correlation with men because, like, I don’t scope their asses, okay.  But, no pun intended, I do notice calves. Furthermore, calves are an extremely hard muscle group to develop.  So, if someone, male or female, has a nice set I feel compelled to tell them so.  Unfortunately, in this situation, I didn’t.  And, I kinda feel bad. He deserved the compliment.  So often, we as adults are rarely complimented.  Why is that?

http://www.adforum.com/creative-work/ad/player/17186/motorcycle-man/dockers

society sucks

Let’s face it – it’s just awkward. When a dude tries to give another dude a compliment – even more awkward.  Except in a Docker’s commercial, of course. Girls constantly compliment each other without the slightest bit of awkwardness.  Throw a dude in there – even when it’s dude to girl. and it just get complicated. Which brings me to my next point of contention with this innocent act of trying to say something nice.  Few people actually know how to receive a compliment.  Instead of just a simple thank you, the recipient harangues the giver with reasons at why said compliment is somewhat  undeserving.  True story.  As far as I’m concerned,   just say thank you and shut the fuck up. (coma) Bitch.

timing is everything

My last issue with delivering praise worthy comments is my horrible lack of timing.  I totally suck at syncing.  I usually compliment someone in mid-conversation when it’s totally unexpected and random therefore derailing the entire course of our discussion.  Imagine that.  You would think by this stage of my life I would’ve learned some timing by now.  No chance, baby.  My only saving grace is that my compliments are delivered sincerely.  The receiver recognizes this and is usually forgiving. Usually.

final comments

Well, that’s it.   That’s all I got.  Regardless of anything you’ve just read, I still hate people.  However, if I find something that is NOT completely  loathe worthy in someone else,  I tell the person.

Twisted shit, eh?

watch?v=hXydX9p_ZxA

My youngest is a thirteen year old fangirl.  Translation- she is an avid reader and probably follows way too many youtubers.  At this stage of the game it’s good – innocent and closely, yet strategically monitored.

Recently, she was rambling on – she is SO my daughter – about two love torn characters from The Mortal Instruments series.  Apparently, they want to be together, but the girl, Clary, thinks they have the same father.  Still, the chemistry between her a Jace is undeniable.  Of course it is.  These are fictional characters.  If it was real life,  Clary and Jace would be a reality television phenomenon and have a recording contract.

Thankfully, this IS literature.

During her monologue about this fictionally doomed couple, she kept mentioning the name Jary.  Since I was actually listening, I politely interrupted, questioning who she kept referencing. “Clary and Jace, of course,” she replied with a heavy, impatient sigh. “Jary.  That’s their shipped name, Dad.”

Instead of facing the additional wrath from my daughter for my ignorance, I researched what being ‘shipped’ actually meant to the layman.

Shipping, initially derived from the word relationship, is the desire by fans for two or more people, either real-life people or fictional characters (in film or literature) to be in a relationship, romantic or otherwise. It is considered a general term for fans’ emotional involvement with the ongoing development of a relationship in a work of fiction.

• A ship that has been confirmed by its series and is true is called a canon ship. Canon means “true to the series”.
• Shipping can involve any kind of romantic relationship between any character. A pairing between characters who are unlikely to be together, including those who come from different series, is called a crack pairing.
• A character paired with an inanimate object is called a cargo ship.  (Hmm … .That sounds questionable. And, somewhat concerning?)
• OTP stands for one true pairing, and generally refers to an individual fan’s particularly heartfelt love for a pairing. Other variations occur, such a OT3 which usually applies to poly relationships (especially love triangles in canon), and NoTP, which refers to the fan’s least favorite pairing.

Since I am now an expert sailer, I searched some fictional character pairings and threw in one of my own.  Oh, apparently there is no pattern when forming the name.  Whatever combination sounds best AND is agreed upon in fandom.  Good luck with that.

Katniss and Peeta (The Hunger Games trilogy)   Peeniss   why wouldn’t it be?  This IS the Urban Dictionary

Sherlock and Watson –    #Johnlock   the # is optional, but these are middle school girls.   So, …  maybe not?

Julie and Gopher   –   Jopher    total fail on my part – I should probs leave this shipping shit to middle school fangirls

The Love Boat

Thankfully, my daughter hasn’t been ‘shipped’.  Yet. Though she was recently quoted as saying, “some of the boys in my school have potential, but then they open their mouths and start talking.”

Life preserver available port side.

Consider the following recipe –

Ingredients:

1 package vanilla organic cake mix                                                                1 pint whipping cream
1 package pistachio pudding                                                                           1 package pistachio pudding
3/4 cup oil (cutting with applesauce works well)                                           1 cup milk
3 eggs
1 cup club soda – lots of fizz
1 cup chopped walnuts

Mix ingredients, folding in walnuts – bake at 350 time dependent on pan selection.  For the frosting – add milk to pudding, mix until uniform – let set for 3 minutes.  Beat whipping cream, then fold in pudding.

Yes, this is a recipe for a PISTACHIO cake.  It turns out green and St.Patrick’s Day IS fast approaching.  I figured it was appropriate.  I am Irish, you know.  Really, I’m a mutt, but there is definitely Irish decent.  I’ve had L.I.D.S. since, like, birth. And, the last post was about tea.  What better follow-up than a serving of … green cake?

Consider the following ingredients –

INGREDIENTS: SUGAR, MODIFIED CORNSTARCH, ALMONDS, CONTAINS LESS THAN 2% OF ARTIFICIAL FLAVOR, DISODIUM PHOSPHATE AND TETRASODIUM PYROPHOSPHATE (FOR THICKENING), SALT, PISTACHIOS, ARTIFICIAL COLOR, MONO- AND DIGLYCERIDES (PREVENT FOAMING), YELLOW 5, BLUE 1,BHA AS A PRESERVATIVE, YELLOW 6

This was copied/pasted from the pistachio pudding box.  Sorry about the all caps thing.  I was lazy and didn’t feel like transposing.

Consider the following question –

Why are there NO fucking pistachios in this PISTACHIO cake?

Okay, okay, there is mention of the word pistachio in the ingredients of the pudding.  Still, it’s the eighth ingredient listed AND it’s less than 2%.

If you think about it, there really is no other appropriate name for this cake.  It’s green and it contains pudding of the same name. But really, a pistachio cake without pistachios?

Consider the following explanation –

Traverse City is a ‘foodie’ destination.  Personally, I think ‘foodie’ is a dumb word, but everyone knows the meaning, so I concede.

In the heart of this town of eclectic  cuisine is Lobdell’s: A Teaching Restaurant ( the Great Lakes Culinary Institute ).

https://www.nmc.edu/resources/lobdells/

Since this is a school, knowledgeable resources are available to answer random baking questions.  Luckily, the culinary resource available when I called was a  dude who really knew his … cake.

• walnuts have the same flavor profile as pistachios
• walnuts are an oily, fibrous nut ; therefore much better to bake with  – pistachios are not
• pistachios are very expensive

When the culinary dude asked what the cake base contained, I was embarrassed, to say the least.  The recipe calls for a box mix. Yeah, I probs should’ve hung up immediately. He was polite though, stating that he never uses box mixes. Imagine that.  Furthermore, when he bakes something pistachio, he uses pistachio paste.  I was humbled by the inferiority of my existence. Nonetheless,  I expressed  appreciation for his time and thorough answer.

Consider the following ‘tudes –

Pistachio cake is my youngest brothers favorite dessert.  However, he will only eat my sister’s recipe.  (insert: sarcastic mumbling about sibling rivalry)  My cake will always be better, of course.  For all I know, her directions probably substitute pecans for pistachios. I think she needs to check her ‘nut’ flavor profile, eh?  (insert: more sarcastic mumbling).

Beautiful Day

personal tealine

I grew up on tea – Lipton tea bags to be exact. Everyone in my family drank the stuff.  My brother used a stein to drink his tea.  I’m pretty sure it was tea inside.  I remember the discarded bag on the counter top.  But it was my brother.  And, it was a stein.  Hmm… .

It wasn’t until college I switched to coffee; no transitional phase either.  I went off to Iowa and left the tea bags at home.  There wasn’t any deep seeded Freudian theory behind the abandonment.  I tried coffee.  It was good

My wife has never had a cup of coffee in her life.  Gasp!  Yes, I STILL married her.  She does drink her occasional cup of tea, though.   Every now and then, I did that couple thing and joined her. I regard those as temporary moments of weakness.  Luckily, there were only a few. And, I became stronger.  Coffee remained my sustenance.

Until January 2017.

Recently, I posted that nothing about coffee was appealing. It was bad.  So bad, I was almost at a loss at what to do with myself every morning.  A coffee cup was always within reach.  If it wasn’t, I would search the house, wondering where I left my damn cup.  Every evening,  I looked forward to a cup of decaf to begin the daily unwind.  Now what? A cup of hot water is just  lame.  So, green tea it was.  Oddly enough, I would add a lemon slice and … .  I unwound.  Well, as much adamthomasrph can unwind, that is.

 informational tea bits 

• Tea (except herbal teas, which are not really tea at all) is made from the Camellia sinensis plant.  Black tea is allowed to ferment and green tea is unfermented.  White tea is also unfermented, but taken from the unopened buds of the tea bush.
• Chinese legend tells us that Emperor Shen Nong first discovered tea in 2737 B.C., when leaves from the tea bushes fell into water his servants were boiling to purify.
• Though the Chinese grow the most tea, the United Arab Emirates drink nearly 14 pounds of the stuff every year, putting them ahead of Morocco and Ireland residents. Brits come in seventh.
• It was the American Thomas Sullivan who accidentally invented the teabag in 1904.  Nowadays, the teabag is the by far the most popular way to make tea, with over 96 percent of the tea drunk in the United Kingdom being made in this fashion.
• Green tea that has the best reputation as a super food.
• Black tea has 14-70 mg of caffeine – green tea has 24-45 mg – white tea has 30-55 mg – coffee 95mg – Mountain Dew 55mg
• Lastly,  afternoon tea at Aqua Shard in London would put the MadHatter’s party to shame.  Served from 1pm to 5pm daily

https://www.timeout.com/london/restaurants/afternoon-tea-in-london

 last sip, sip

No one, not even the English, say ‘pip, pip‘.  And, that ‘cheerio‘ shit.  I’m thinking that doesn’t happen either.  One last personal teabit.  I have never raised my pinkie when drinking tea.  There’s only one finger I raise and it’s all in the name of customer service, of course.

Johnny’s gone Mad

Johnny Depp has a tendency to frighten both children AND adults; even when he’s drinking tea.  Therefore, I included the link to Disney’s animated version as well.

Wonderland ‘unbirthday’

Sip, sip, Cheerio

Lets’ face it, the general public is just stupid.  Plain and simple, people are dumb.  While the majority are this way from birth, the remaining few are converted to dumbness by advances in technology. Take going to the pharmacy and the seemingly simple task of ‘checking out’.  It’s horribly complicated in today’s society.  Worse, you receive miles of receipt tape offering everything from Depends coupons to ‘points’ for signing up for some damn retail program that promotes unwanted inquiry.  And, random comments about said programs … .  I hate listening to people bitch and moan about things neither of us can control.  I actually hate talking to people in general, but it’s kinda part of the job.  So, … .  I keep telling everyone to buy my book so I can move on from My Life As A Retail Pharmacist.  But it’s not happening as quickly as I would like, okay.  Trust me, I NEED to move on.  Let’s get this shit to go viral.  And, everyone, especially me, will be happy.

Semi-rant on stupidity is over.  Back to this amazingly complicated retail task of purchasing items.

The newest advancement to baffle the struggling consumer is the chip called the EMV.

• Banks/credit companies are issuing new cards, which look like their old cards but are fitted with a small metallic high-tech chip
• EMV, which stands for Europay, MasterCard, Visa — the three companies that created the standard
• The chip’s goal: keeping thieves from easily accessing consumers’ personal information
• the high-tech chip creates a unique code for each transaction, making it difficult for criminals to duplicate consumers’ information
• if fraud occurs when a magnetic stripe card is swiped at a chip-enabled terminal, the bank is responsible for the fraud
• EMV technology won’t protect consumers with online purchases
• Gas stations have until 2017 to replace readers at pumps

Yes, I believe the intention with this concept is good.  It’s decreasing fraud.  Unfortunately, the ‘conversion’ is not so good.  Few establishments are chip-enabled.  And, if they are enabled, the chip reader is so damn slow.  It’s just agonizing.  The impatient customer complains and the innocent cashier is trapped in retail hell, listening to the customer’s opinion about technological advancements.

Me, I handle every interaction like the person is, in fact, stupid.  I tell everyone what to do in the fewest words possible, thwarting comments and questions with the look of  ‘don’t even think about it’  on my face.  And, it works.  I buck the system.  Most actually prefer my method – I ask what is needed and handle things from there.  My goal is to streamline each transaction.  Unless, the customer is on the phone, of course.  Then, then I talk so much the customer gets really mad and has to end the call.  Once the person hangs up, I complete the sale swiftly, grinning at my ‘little’ success.

Hopefully, my rant was too … painful. Though nothing can be as painful as a Depends coupon.  When you’re only 51.

It’s ALL about the money

Let me qualify something first –  I am going to sound like a thirteen year old drama magnet when I say this, but …

“BuzzFeed knows me better than I know myself.”

Okay, I apologize.  It’s over.  On with the post.

Technically, it IS my thirteen year old daughter’s fault I was even introduced to the site.  But it is fun. We sit on the couch together and take quizzes.  It’s time I get to spend with my daughter.  So I’m going to take some quizzes.  Hell, I’ll do as many as she wants if it means spending time together.

BuzzFeed –

•  is the leading independent digital media company delivering news and entertainment to hundreds of millions of people around the world. The global, cross-platform network includes the site and mobile apps, Facebook, Snapchat, YouTube, and many other digital platforms.

• is the irreverent US news and entertainment website taking the social web by storm. The site is said to be one of the fastest-growing on the internet, with more than 40 million people a month viewing viral hit.

•  is accused of using other people’s content. But its mix of the serious and stupid poses a fresh challenge for traditional media companies as they battle for web users’ time and attention. Its flexible approach to advertising – shunning the tired model of banner ads in favor of sponsored content – makes it a trailblazer in the rise of the social web.

 quizzes – 

How can picking one out of nine different donuts predict this?

You have a very kind heart and a generous spirit. You’re always taking care of everyone else, even when you don’t realize you’re doing it. Just make sure to take care of yourself along the way. Take a little “me” time and treat yo’ self!

“That so totally describes you, daddy,” said my daughter. Smart kid. And, I didn’t even have to pay her to say that.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/alivelez/pick-a-doughnut-and-we-will-reveal-a-deep-truth-about-you?utm_term=.on1gMbJqXK#.miMqNa90wJ

This Picture Test Will Reveal Your Deepest Fear

Your deepest fear is failure. The thought of not succeeding or achieving your goals and dreams lingers over you a lot and it’s always in the back of your mind. Sometimes you work extra hard to make sure that doesn’t happen, but sometimes you can cave and fall into the mindset of “what’s the point of even trying?” Everybody fails at things in life though, and the beauty of it is you can learn from your mistakes and try again. After all, some of the most powerful and richest people in the world failed before they succeeded.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/benhenry/this-emotion-test-will-reveal-your-deepest-fear?utm_term=.mdErXBZ58d#.hwLZp754b2

I decided NOT to include the fucking quiz that revealed my correct age.  No one wants to test fate with that link.  I guess I should be happy it didn’t predict me older eh?

Damn BuzzFeed! I hate you – (drama implied)