No tricks – just treats

Treats for Kindle / e-book readers, of course. Personally, I still love that book thing. But, for now I have to accept what Kindle can do for that cause. So, in the spirit of Halloween, and because I have a complex about BOGO vasectomies, I decided to run another  promotional campaign.

TODAY October 29, 2019 ONLY –





Just click the book cover icons to download titles. Hell, even Charlie Brown would appreciate this treat. Then again, two of the titles are love stories. Maybe a rock would be better?

Happy Halloreading!

Random thoughts of Autumn Nonsense

Honestly, this post has nothing to do with Autumn. But, it is that time of year. ‘Updates and understandings’ would probs be a more appropriate title. However, that usually referenced previously posted material and I understand less and less as I age. Thus, the title stands as is.  Besides, I missed posting. This blog remains my calling card – need to keep current. Otherwise, the Yoda of all that is Blog might delete my website ass. Can’t let that happen. My buns of steel are one of my best attributes.

So,  incessant rambling aside, on with the Nonsense.

  • my #happynewyear has arrived as it does every September. This is one quirk I refuse to change. January is so cliche. Fortunately, my new writing project started. Unfortunately, Life has challenged progress. I will prevail. Damn it!
  • My daughter loves ice. Personally, I could take or leave ice – buying ice is just dumb. Those bags smell fucking nasty after a few days. Still, I wanted to comply. In the scheme of parenting, ice is really, really low on the concern meter. Therefore, I bought ice trays. Now, I love ice. And, my daughter is happy.
  • I stopped reading my horrorscope. It’s a long story – not even blog worthy.
  • My landscape makeover was a welcome change. I so hated those fucking stones. Best of all, I removed a crusty, broken light post that would challenge even Thomas Kinkade’s creative abilities.   A neighbor did most  of the work. There were wires involved. Yikes.
  • My garden was pathetic. My daughter worked at a Nursery this past Spring. To show support, I purchased my vegetable plants there. Yeah, big mistake. It’s not all bad. I did pick some peppers. But, there weren’t purple AND it was in October. Go figure, eh!?
  • During a recent road trip to Chicago, I found some fun, bloggable billboard bits. A Urologist in Valparaiso, IN is offering a BOGO FREE on vasectomies. (pause) All I ever advertised was a Kindle All three, All free, All day promotional. I feel so … geld.
  • Old people should NOT be allowed to own a cell phone. They have no idea whatsoever on how to use the damn thing. A mandatory shut the fuck up app should be pre uploaded onto their phones if purchased, though.
  • The new Shingles vaccine finally became available. Ugh! Now, there’s a shortage on High Dose Flu Shots. Yeah! I take way too much satisfaction informing the senior population of such a travesty.  (sarcasm intended)
  • Sign lady is officially … retired? Or, she succumbed to a worse fate.  Hmm … . Worse -whomever took over didn’t read the manual. That shit posted on them there marquee ain’t very funny. To add insult to reading injury, the grammar rivals my last sentence. On the bright side, I did see a random marquee around town boost a rather thoughtful proverb – Sign in need of repair. Then again, aren’t we all? 
  • Last, but certainly not least, I am headed to Iowa for my 30 year reunion. Crazy, eh? Neither MasterCard Moment nor Ode will follow. I have moved on.  Besides, I use VISA now.

Well, that’s about it on My Non-Fictionalized Life over the last few months.  Even though I have moved on, some Adam Thomas blogging traditions are fast approaching that I may indulge. If I didn’t, Adele would never forgive me.

In closing – couldn’t resist this ‘ice’ cold blast from the past.

the ultimate BINGE read, … beach

So wanted that to be funnier. Anyway, I guess that’s what happens when you stop the regular blog posting, eh? Thought I would put a shout out about another Kindle promotion today only!




Just click the book cover icons to download titles. Remember, they are FREE!

Summer beach BINGE reading at it’s finest.

That sounds so much better.



A Final MasterCard Moment:

publication duration: July 14, 2012 to June 13, 2019

number of posts: 377 (including this one)

MasterCard Moments throughout the years: sadly, only 11.

Sharing the Random Nonsense that was My Life: priceless, truly priceless

Thanks for following over the years.  Oh, feel free to continue to support the cause to ensure My Non-Fictionalized Life becomes a Reality.  Just click one or all of those icons to download titles. Tell everyone  – PLEASE!

Because I wanted to come full circle, I decided to incorporate that very first entry into this postal sign-off.  I’m a sucker for that shit.  Besides, it’s a good, final plug for the book.

Adam Thomas thought he led a charmed life. Happily married with an adorable set of twins he was a member of the most trusted profession in the country. Yes, retail pharmacy had its shortcomings, but Adam handled adversity gracefully. Even though he knew ‘the customer wasn’t always right’, Adam didn’t allow the volatility of such work hazards to permeate his rational thinking and sound judgment. One day, however, everything changes. His once charmed life is turned upside down.

So begins the calamity Adam Thomas endures.

My Life As A Retail Pharmacist – A Fictionalized Memoir follows Adam as he navigates the struggles of standing up for what he believes. Tanya Stenke-Branch blatantly eavesdrops on Adam’s transaction with customer Milton R. Green. She dislikes Adam’s solution to Green’s insurance issue that arises and takes it upon herself to intervene. Adam is vocally upset with the unwelcome advice. But, according to ‘this wife of a prominent surgeon’, Tanya’s interference is in Mr. Green’s best interests. A reasonable everyday situation that Adam has handled numerous times in the past mutates into an unsalvageable disaster. Adam is ultimately terminated from Shaw Drug for his unprofessional behavior and his life begins to spiral out of control. What happens challenges Adam to question everything he once knew. When Tanya gossips to her friends at the local café about the incident, she discloses pertinent, yet confidential information, intentionally violating numerous HIPAA regulations. Fortunately for Adam, Paul Davis, Attorney at Law, just happens to overhear. Adam’s case for retribution has considerable merit.

As the lawsuit begins, the messy repercussions from such sensationalist trash that is so abundant in today’s world surface. Adam’s grasp on his charmed life continues to slip. The legal proceeding strains his familial interactions. His wife, Val, tries desperately to maintain balance, but Tanya and her lawyers just don’t play fair. Could such a random chance encounter ruin Adam’s professional and personal existence?

My Life As A Retail Pharmacist – A Fictionalized Memoir is current and hip and different. A cathartic read for anyone who has ever worked retail.

Happy reading!

Ode to Random Nonsense

I am conflicted. Lately, I have been focused on change, hoping that by shaking up those small things I can change much larger things will follow suit.  You know that whole feng shui concept. I seriously want to yin the yang that is My Life.

Shifting shit around takes time. I realize that. Good thing I’m a patient, dude, eh? Fortunately, Random thoughts of Nonsense continue to swirl about my brain to keep things fun. One recurring thought, which is neither Random nor Nonsensical, is a new project I wanted to begin Fall 2018. Unfortunately, my horrorscope of a shitshow summer happened.  Yeah, … . That was really fun. (sarcasm intended)

Still, I never stopped thinking about that project. In fact, I have a drawer full of notes and thoughts and scenes and everything wonderful needed to begin writing. Over the next three months, I plan to organize those notes, make new notes, then organize even further. Come Sept 2019 I will be all in, baby. #happynewyear

I am a very focused individual. Even though two of my children are away at college, the challenges of Life  are still a struggle. This blog has chronicled every bit of Random Nonsense I chose to share. It kept me sane. More importantly, it kept me writing. As minor as a weekly post may seem, my heart and soul went into each entry. I started this blog in July of 2012, However, the true essence of Random Nonsense was not conceived until Sept 07, 2012. That is almost seven years of weekly blogging. Kinda crazy, eh? I am very proud of what I created here. Even prouder I was a able to sustain content for seven amazing years. Granted, my timing was sometimes off. But, my delivery more than made up for that flaw. In seven years of Nonsense I’ve posted some pretty Random shit, man. But it’s all good.

As I enter the final months before actually writing, I wonder about the future of this blog. More importantly, how I will continue to deliver content, Random as it my be, that will NOT be unfocused Nonsense because my thought process will be elsewhere.  I will not jeopardize the commitment needed for my new project or what I’ve established here in my blog.

See why I am conflicted?

My only regret from this seven year itch is that I didn’t pave the path originally idealized. Every writer dreams of that lucky, fuckin’ break where everything falls into place – my blog goes viral and I’s gots me a new career path. My Life as a Retail Pharmacist is finally done.

Well, I’m still waiting.

My time will come. I will be that New York Times Number One Bestselling Author. In order to do that, I’ve decided I need to produce another larger project. One that people will actually read – more than my previous titles. Yikes! (oh, pauses intended, of course)

So, to feng shui  even further, Random Nonsense will be on hiatus to make way for My Non-fictionalized Reality. If you think about it, it’s much better to decide to stop, than the alternative.

Sadly, my next post will be my last.  It will probs only be a Moment, but, trust me, … . It will be priceless.

summer shades

Not to tag team the unofficial start of summer, but I feel compelled to post about another fashion staple popular this time of year – Sunglasses. Unlike men’s shorts, sunglasses are not ‘fraught territory’ by any means. However, there is no rhythm nor reason to the rationale of sunglass frames. Hence the cause for so many obnoxious styling faux pas.  Me, I keep it simple with the classic, non-statement statement look.

Since frames are such the frezi fodder, I decided to focus on the functional purpose of sunglasses – the lens. More importantly, lens color. Choosing the proper lens color can let the sun shine even on an overcast day.

color makes a hue difference

Yellow or orange Heightens contrast in overcast, hazy, low-light conditions outdoors or for indoor sports. Filters blue light for sharper focus.

Amber, rose or red Heightens contrast in partly cloudy and sunny conditions, but causes significant color imbalances. Especially suited for fishing in sandy lake or stream beds. Interesting.

Dark amber, copper or brown(Includes melanin lenses.) Blocks high amounts of blue light to heighten contrast and visual acuity. Particularly useful to improve contrast on grass and against blue skies.  This lens works best when fishing in waters with grassy bottoms. Who knew, eh?

Green Heightens contrast (mildly) while preserving color balance.

Gray Reduces overall brightness while preserving 100 percent normal color recognition. Good for all outdoor sports in bright light conditions. Even fishing.

NOTE: No matter which type of sport sunglass lens tint, consider having anti-reflective coating applied to the back surface of the lenses. AR coating eliminates the reflection of light from the back surface of tinted lenses when you are facing away from the sun, avoiding glare caused by these reflections.

this blogger’s  random sunglasses nonsense: 

  • Ray Ban Aviator are the bomb, though …
  • Revo fit my face best –  But then, I kinda look really good in both. As if there was any doubt.
  • Once you go Polarized you never go back, baby.
  • next on my twice checked wish list – Maui Jim charcoal frames with olive lens.  #ChristmasinJuly?
  • Only douchebags wear white framed sunglasses
  • Mr. and Mrs. Smith is the best movie about marriage. Period. The only reason I mentioned the film is because, Brad and Angelina wore really cool, yellow-tinted glasses in the final fight scene. Very cool!
  • I once tried on a pair of Mont Blanc sunglasses that cost $795. I would so buy them. They were so all that.

Corey really does have Hart

Just because anything retro is making a comeback, I decided to close with a blast from the past that will never be out of style. I think if Mr. Hart changed up those lens, he may see things more clearly. Because, it’s night, of course.

Did I mention that only douchebags wear white framed sunglasses?

The short end of the … shorts?

Well, the unofficial start of summer has almost arrived. Hope it’s Memorable. (pun intended, of course) With that occasion, certain people start wearing certain clothes they certainly shouldn’t wear.  One particular article of clothing under such seasonal scrutiny is shorts. Even worse, it’s not just shorts, but those wonderful short shorts that for some unknown reason have made a fashion comeback. Especially for guys. Yikes!

As far as I’m concerned, no grown man should wear short shorts. Ever. Daisy Duke can wear them, like, everyday.  But according to Esquire Magazine, I’m wrong.  Why wouldn’t I be?

Shorter inseams were the name of the game back in the day, and they’re right back in style today. Call it the modern option or the throwback. Both descriptions are accurate.

However, Gentlemen’s Quarterly  had this to say, offering a glimmer of hope rather than a glimpse of more thigh.

For whatever reason, men’s shorts are fraught territory. When it comes to ideal length, to office -appropriateness, to styling, everywhere the shorts-loving man turns, he is besieged by legislation. Sometimes it feels like the world is terrified of the male leg. (Sometimes it should be!)

All that being said, what is a dude to do?


Just like with swim trunks, it’s crucial that your shorts don’t go past your knees. They should stop at the top of your kneecaps (at the longest). The general rule of thumb is 2 inches above the knee, depending on height.

  • Just like pants, the length of your shorts is measured along the inseam.
  • Men under 5’5″ might want to wear 5″ short inseam.
  • The best length for men under 5’9″ is 7″although you can get away with 9″ short. However, those are reserved for taller men.

Here’s some fun, yet disturbing insight into individual ‘comfort level’ regarding inseam. In the same GQ article, the writer went on to add his own ‘legislative’ input on proper short length.

Close your eyes. Wade into the swamp of your own body hangups and come back out having honestly considered how much you like your legs. Assign that love a number from 1 to 7, where 1 equals “my legs are too beautiful for pants,” and 7 equals “I’ve had at least one calf-implant consultation.” This is your Leg Love Quotient (LLQ).


  1. avoid the trapezoid silhouette – where your shorts are wider at the bottom than the top. This happens when the leg opening (or circumference) or your shorts is a lot wider than the circumference of your leg.
  2. avoid making your legs look thin and weak because they’re being swallowed up by your shorts.
  3. try to achieve a nice gentle taper that follows the line of your body.


Here’s a quick list of what to avoid:

  • Cargo pockets
  • Large, bold patterns
  • Obvious branding/logos
  • Distressing (tears, rips, holes, stains)

Stick with solid colors and small scale patterns or prints. For example, if you like polka dots or floral prints, that’s totally fine. Just make sure they’re small in scale (small dots or flowers).

Wow! Shorts really are a ‘fraught territory’, eh? Though, I think if certain men actually looked in the mirror before leaving their residence, the world certainly wouldn’t be that  frightened. But then there will always be those men who need to rethink their certain LLQ.

it is what it is

Those were the exact words I used to finish a recent message to my daughter. She was flying home for the summer from college. Her bags were overweight. I care not to disclose the price needed to complete her check-in process. This blog is my happy place. That price was not.

According to the amazingly insightful Urban Dictionary, this incredibly versatile phrase can be literally translated as “fuck it.” In this case, it is totally appropriate. “We got fucked,” is probs more accurate, but what does it matter? She arrived safely.

it is what it is

Oddly enough, this phrase was on tap for future postal glory. Considering the circumstances, publication status was updated from drafted to active. You see, over the last few years, I’ve spoken those words often. Maybe too often. Life Lemons got harder and harder to squeeze. Sometimes, catch phrases were the best way to deal with the proverbial Grand Illusion.

Regardless of usage, the meaning of that sentence is quite intriguing. Think about it –

it is what it is 

Hell, I’m not even sure if it’s a complete sentence. Unfortunately, the phrase usually has negative connotations. A situation needs to be dealt with. The options for dealing with said situation are few. Consequently, those options will not yield a desired, positive result. Negative overtones are sure to resonate. Some actually think those words are a cop-out, halting a conversation.

I disagree. A conversation must continue in order to adequately arrive at a solution. The situation isn’t going away. Something must be done. Like paying an exorbitant amount of money at the checked baggage counter in order to board a flight.

Follow me?

Recently, I’ve been toying with the idea of changing ‘it’. Better yet, looking for more positive, yet viable solutions for those permanent ‘its’ that aren’t going away.  Then, I found this article from Psychology Today entitled The Hidden Meaning of “It Is What It Is”.

The phrase “it is what it is” is itself in a state of potentiality. In some contexts it can indicate an acceptance of complexity and ambiguity. In other contexts it can indicate an acceptance of limitations. It’s a phrase that may well have yet other shades or meaning, or be evolving new shades of meaning as I write this. It’s not one static thing. It is what it is.

This may seem like a simple phenomenon but it has profound implications for how people think and how they conceive of the world they live in. It enables them to continually re-conceptualize things in new and creative ways.

I was unexpectedly validated.  There will always be those ‘it’ moments and the acceptance of limitations. However, the affirmation that potentiality actually exists is … refreshing.  Like lemonade on a warm summer day, baby.

Well, I think I need to STOP. I have a tendency to get caught up in my ‘creative ways’. Besides, I need to seriously re-conceptualize MY overweight baggage.

It is what it is

Rock on!

Thankfully, I’m done dealing with this colonoscopy Nonsense. At least for 5 years, that is. More importantly, I  have moved on.  To rocks. (pause) I live such an exciting life, eh? Alas, these are no ordinary rocks, mind you. These are Butler Arts  Smokey Mountain Quartz – a decorative landscaping gravel that is a natural stone from the deserts of California which will add a dynamic element to any garden landscape.

Who am I trying to fool? They are just ordinary rocks. So ordinary in fact, that I am so over them. That quality description above did help ‘sell’ my rocks, though. First, a little back story.

Over the last few years, the landscape surrounding my front porch has become … problematic. Translation: it’s ugly as fuck.  Weeds and moss have taken over, strangling what perennial flowers actually survive these wonderfully long Northern Michigan winters. I’ve sprayed every damn chemical known to gardeners. Much to my wife’s chagrin, I might add. She’s a bit ‘sensitive’ about that whole Round Up situation. Yikes!

Unfortunately, everything applied was just a temporary fix. When the deterrent main ingredient weakened, the overgrowth only got stronger. A drastic makeover was necessary. I was up for the challenge. However, removing fifteen years of moss covered, ‘natural stone from the deserts of California’ is a rather daunting task – not to mention physical demanding.  Fortunately, I had an idea to facilitate my impending Random rocks.

On the Traverse City Facebook garage sale page, I posted my rocks. Technically, the rocks were FREE. All the buyer had to do was … remove them. People like the word FREE. Within a week, a dude hauled away the rocky remnants.

My gardening task is now quite manageable. Let the makeover begin!

Since talkin rocks is about as exciting as colonoscopies, I’ve decided to stop here. It’s still too cold to plant anyway. And, like most makeovers, it’s a process. In a valid attempt to salvage my postal reputation (it was rather ‘rocky’ after the last offering), I decided to provide various rock references – all in the sake of comic relief, naturally.

The Rock – Dwayne Johnson. Like that would ever be questioned?

a rock – size of a diamond ring center stone- regardless of what women say, size really does matter.

box of rocksWhen a person, usually a male, has brain matter equivalent to a cardboard box containing a assortment of rocks with absolutely no street value. Leave it to the Urban Dictionary for such succinct definitions.

Rock of Gibraltar –  The Rock of Gibraltar, also known as the Rock, (sorry Dwayne) is a monolithic limestone promontory located in the British overseas territory of Gibraltar, near the southwestern tip of Europe on the Iberian Peninsula

“I got a rock!” Charlie Brown’s infamous Halloween treat. Or was that a trick?

Bedrock – the only town that actually has more rocks than my landscaping.  Besides, Barney Rubble IS my cartoon doppelganger. Which reminds me … .

And, last but never least, Rock and Roll, baby.

Rock on!

the colon cleanse

In my quest to continue my Spring cleaning ritual, I decided to look inward as well. Yeah, right, that will never happen. Even the idea I would consider such a thing is a complete crock of … shit. However, that ‘reference’ does serve as the perfect introduction to a routine  procedure I have been putting off  since I turned fifty.
the screening colonoscopy
Normally, I AM a protocol follower. I have an annual physical. I change the car oil every 5000 miles. Hell, I swap out the damn furnace filter every two months rather than three. Therefore, a colonoscopy should be a no-brainer for an anal-retentive (pun intended) dude like me. But, it ain’t. It’s that whole fasting thing. I could give two shits – literally – about drinking that bowel prep kit.  But to fast, … . Yikes. I eat like 7 times a day. See why I’ve waited so long?
I inquired about Cologuard – a somewhat similar screening you do from the comfort of your own home. Send a sample of your shit off to some far away place for analysis and you’re done. Sure beats having some light saber shoved up you ass.  Best of all, I wouldn’t have to fast. Yeah, baby! Unfortunately, the procedure was not covered on my insurance. And, I ain’t getting any younger.

the procedure

A colonoscopy is an exam used to detect changes or abnormalities in the large intestine (colon) and rectum. During a colonoscopy, a long, flexible tube (colonoscope) is inserted into the rectum. A tiny video camera at the tip of the tube allows the doctor to view the inside of the entire colon. If necessary, polyps or other types of abnormal tissue can be removed through the scope during a colonoscopy. Tissue samples (biopsies) can be taken during a colonoscopy as well.

the reasoning

… to  screen for colon cancer. If you’re age 50 or older and at average risk of colon cancer — you have no colon cancer risk factors other than age — a colonoscopy is recommended every 10 years.


  • water, flavored water, and pretty much anything water related
  • decaffeinated tea
  • weak coffee – why even bother, eh?
  • juice, drinks, clear sodas – nothing red or purple. What would Barney say?
  • chicken and/or beef broth  diluted with … water. Imagine that!

the Nutty end to this post

When I first thought to post about my anal, un-retentive cleansing experience, numerous fun ideas about how to present this not fun material went through my mind. However, when it came time to write the post, those ideas continued right through me. Just like everything else, eh? Damn Clenpiq. Needless to say, this post is not as creative as originally anticipated. My sincere apologies, of course.  Few people can take the fart of colon cleansing and make it entertaining. Case in point – Eddie Murphy, Eddie Murphy, Eddie Murphy … . Oh, and Jamal Mixon?!

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