Green with foliage envy

postal roots
I am the gardener in the family. It’s a genetic thing – on my mother’s side. She insists it’s cheaper than therapy. She should know – I was child #5 out 7. Fortunately, the plants haven’t started talking to me. Yet. When that happens, I think I may need to seek help. Ya’ think?
I posted a few years back about the fact that the ‘greenness’ of my thumb was limited to the outdoors. Translation: I tend to kill a lot of house plants. It ain’t pretty – literally or physically. Hell, one Croton plant lived up to its name – it totally croted. I realize that would’ve been funnier if the plant was a crocus. (pause) Still, all but one leaf fell off. I was so mad I ripped the damn thing off in a fit of over-dramatized despair. That’s a lie. I did nothing even remotely close – I just chucked the dead stalk in the trash can and shrugged.  What a crocus of shitus, eh?!

the dirty truth

My house plants have been looking pretty sad for quite some time now. Thankfully, holiday decorations skewed that focal point. Then, January arrived. Yeah,…  What green I had, went gangrene. Fuck transplanting – time for a fresh start. Besides, it was a New Year and a new decade.

green rules of thumb

To ensure success, I researched best practices AND consulted with experts at my favorite local nurseries. The main error of my ways was that damn size issue – my plants were always too small for their respective pots. I so know the feeling. This time, however, it was more than a personal problem.

  1. Match plants with light conditions – direct sun can actually burn certain foliage. Generally speaking, if you can read unassisted where the plant will be placed, there is sufficient light.
  2. Choose the right container. See – size really does matter.
  3. Use good-quality potting soil.
  4. Water properly – almost better to under water, than over water
  5. Fertilize and control pests. These are house plants. Children and pets are the ‘pests’ here. keep them contained.
  6. Increase humidity and prevent drafts. Good luck with that.
  7. Keep foliage clean – translation: keep the green clean, baby!
Proper lighting in the Garden of Adam Thomas
Well, that’s about it on the whole potted plant predicament. I am pleased with the results. My plants look happy again. Let’s just see what happens in six months.  Who knows. By that time, my thumb will either be so green I’m a fucking leprechaun. Or, I will be medicated and possibly institutionalized because those plants actually started talking. And, I listened!
Keep calm and grow plants 
I know this clip pertains to an outside tree. However, these are Dr. Seuss characters. They all live in, like, Terrariums. So, I’m thinking I’m good.

 

V.D. FREE for All

Actually, it’s an ALL for FREE Valentine’s Day gift. The post title just grabbed attention more effectively. Trust me, I need all the help I’s can get in that area.

In the spirit of the holiday, my alter ego, Robert C. Bradshaw. convinced me to run another promotion. His two stories are about love. (insert: a heavily sighed comment) So, I guess it’s appropriate. Therefore, I decided to offer my title, as well. You know, for those who would rather read a Fictionalized Memoir. ?

(Pause)

I think I should just present the promotion and be done. This whole attempt at humor just isn’t working.

TODAY THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 13, 2020 –

ALL THREE FREE

Just click on a title icon and download one, two or all three books. FREE. It really is that simple. Added BONUS – it makes a nice gift idea. Not as nice as … Shacking up. Okay, that was bad. I am so done!

Happy Valentine’s Reading!

pork chops, cast iron skillets, and Peter Brady?

the scoop
A few years ago, I realized my son liked pork chops. This made me very happy because I like pork chops. I’m not talkin’ that whole butterflied, boneless shit. Give me the true American classic that is the bone-in pork chop. However, I have never cooked pork chops. For some bizarre reason, my wife is convinced pork is the anti-meat rather than the other white meat. (no slur intended – accept against my wife)
the situation
Therefore, I needed advice. My grandmother did pork well. That and pancakes, of course. Sadly, she has been gone for some time now. So, I consulted the next best alternative – Jake the Bald Butcher. The dude has never let me down.
the solution

Not only did he fix me up with the proper cut, but he instructed me so well Yoda of all things Blog would be proud. Best of all – it was really, really easy.

After seasoning the meat, melt a shit-ton of butter in a cast iron skillet. Brown the first side, then flip.  Place the skillet in the over for about 12 minutes.  I decided to flip it again about 8 minutes in to let the juices drain back through.

Wow!

the sizzle

Now, my son is back at school and only my youngest remains at home. She’s not a pork chop fan. Yet. But, she loves steak. Gotta love a woman who likes red meat, eh?

Recently, I decided we needed a mid-week pick me up and steaks seemed to fit the bill. Unfortunately, the day was kinda not happenin’. Try as I might, I just couldn’t turn it around either. Since my culinary expertise is NOT grilling, I was destined to be skewered.  Honestly, I just wanted something fool proof and easy – I so didn’t want to fuck it up.
Alas, Jake the Bald Butcher came through.  Again. The same cast iron skillet/oven technique works for steak. In fact, Mr. Jake can be quoted as saying he prefers his steak prepared this way – pan-seared and sizzlin’. Yeah, baby!
the ‘scene’

Here’s cooking for you, Kid.

unplugged

Well, the primary reason for this post is to move forward. Not into this new decade thing. That’s going to happen regardless. Besides, it’s just so cliche. What I’m talking about is this blog. My last post was my annual plug to those that have come … unplugged.

Sorry, that was bad.

Still, I need to keep my site updated. My focus remains my new project. The last few weeks have really shorted that circuit. So, rather than trip a breaker, I’m going … acoustic? This retro classic is a live wire, baby – sure to recharge any outlet gone bad.

Keep calm and unplug on –

a-ha! (pun so intended)

The Adam Thomas Christmas Tradition

Deck the Halls of New Age societal freaks and their need to label everything. Or re-label everything. First,  there was that uncoupling nonsense. Now, there is – wait for it – polyamory. So dumb.

Polyamory is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved. It has been described as “consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy”.

Basically, it’s dating. Just re-labeled. Once again – so dumb. From a guys perspective, that whole non-committal thing is a very nice arrangement. Unfortunately, when the ‘rules’ change someone, probably the woman, is NOT going to be happy. Not sure what that term will been renamed. But, I can guarantee it will resemble one of these conditions listed below.  And, if it’s Christmas time, caroling by the emotionally disturbed will be Harked. They won’t be Angels. But, they will be heralding. Something.

I realize this was not the best lead in for presenting my annual list of those Psychologically Challenged Christmas Carols.  Still, it’s makes you Wonder (as you Wander) if this List will be checked twice then updated accordingly. By the way, I checked – it hasn’t. Yet.

Regardless of your relationship status, feel free to sing along. I’m sure one, if not more, tunes are applicable.

  1. Schizophrenia — Do You Hear What I Hear?
  2. Multiple Personality Disorder — We Three Kings Disoriented Are
  3. Dementia —I Think I’ll Be Home for Christmas
  4. Narcissistic — Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
  5. Manic — Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and . . .
  6. Paranoid — Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
  7. Borderline Personality Disorder — Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
  8. Personality Disorder — You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll Tell You Why
  9. Attention Deficit Disorder — Silent Night, Holy OOOOOOOOh look at the Froggy, can I have chocolate, why is France so far away?
  10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder — Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bell …

Merry Christmas!

Honestly, I’m not a fan of this song. Much to this Little Drummer Boy’s dismay, the  ‘extended’ ending in this version is totally  polyamoriclly correct. Hohoho, no – What would Mariah Carey say?

She’s back and we’re Thankful

What would  a holiday be without tradition? And, Adele.? And, the SNL crew?

Definitely NOT this funny.  Have a nice Thanksgiving!

Gobble, gobble!

No tricks – just treats

Treats for Kindle / e-book readers, of course. Personally, I still love that book thing. But, for now I have to accept what Kindle can do for that cause. So, in the spirit of Halloween, and because I have a complex about BOGO vasectomies, I decided to run another  promotional campaign.

TODAY October 29, 2019 ONLY –

ALL THREE

ALL FREE

ALL DAY

 

Just click the book cover icons to download titles. Hell, even Charlie Brown would appreciate this treat. Then again, two of the titles are love stories. Maybe a rock would be better?

Happy Halloreading!

Random thoughts of Autumn Nonsense

Honestly, this post has nothing to do with Autumn. But, it is that time of year. ‘Updates and understandings’ would probs be a more appropriate title. However, that usually referenced previously posted material and I understand less and less as I age. Thus, the title stands as is.  Besides, I missed posting. This blog remains my calling card – need to keep current. Otherwise, the Yoda of all that is Blog might delete my website ass. Can’t let that happen. My buns of steel are one of my best attributes.

So,  incessant rambling aside, on with the Nonsense.

  • my #happynewyear has arrived as it does every September. This is one quirk I refuse to change. January is so cliche. Fortunately, my new writing project started. Unfortunately, Life has challenged progress. I will prevail. Damn it!
  • My daughter loves ice. Personally, I could take or leave ice – buying ice is just dumb. Those bags smell fucking nasty after a few days. Still, I wanted to comply. In the scheme of parenting, ice is really, really low on the concern meter. Therefore, I bought ice trays. Now, I love ice. And, my daughter is happy.
  • I stopped reading my horrorscope. It’s a long story – not even blog worthy.
  • My landscape makeover was a welcome change. I so hated those fucking stones. Best of all, I removed a crusty, broken light post that would challenge even Thomas Kinkade’s creative abilities.   A neighbor did most  of the work. There were wires involved. Yikes.
  • My garden was pathetic. My daughter worked at a Nursery this past Spring. To show support, I purchased my vegetable plants there. Yeah, big mistake. It’s not all bad. I did pick some peppers. But, there weren’t purple AND it was in October. Go figure, eh!?
  • During a recent road trip to Chicago, I found some fun, bloggable billboard bits. A Urologist in Valparaiso, IN is offering a BOGO FREE on vasectomies. (pause) All I ever advertised was a Kindle All three, All free, All day promotional. I feel so … geld.
  • Old people should NOT be allowed to own a cell phone. They have no idea whatsoever on how to use the damn thing. A mandatory shut the fuck up app should be pre uploaded onto their phones if purchased, though.
  • The new Shingles vaccine finally became available. Ugh! Now, there’s a shortage on High Dose Flu Shots. Yeah! I take way too much satisfaction informing the senior population of such a travesty.  (sarcasm intended)
  • Sign lady is officially … retired? Or, she succumbed to a worse fate.  Hmm … . Worse -whomever took over didn’t read the manual. That shit posted on them there marquee ain’t very funny. To add insult to reading injury, the grammar rivals my last sentence. On the bright side, I did see a random marquee around town boost a rather thoughtful proverb – Sign in need of repair. Then again, aren’t we all? 
  • Last, but certainly not least, I am headed to Iowa for my 30 year reunion. Crazy, eh? Neither MasterCard Moment nor Ode will follow. I have moved on.  Besides, I use VISA now.

Well, that’s about it on My Non-Fictionalized Life over the last few months.  Even though I have moved on, some Adam Thomas blogging traditions are fast approaching that I may indulge. If I didn’t, Adele would never forgive me.

In closing – couldn’t resist this ‘ice’ cold blast from the past.

the ultimate BINGE read, … beach

So wanted that to be funnier. Anyway, I guess that’s what happens when you stop the regular blog posting, eh? Thought I would put a shout out about another Kindle promotion today only!

ALL THREE

ALL FREE

ALL DAY

Just click the book cover icons to download titles. Remember, they are FREE!

Summer beach BINGE reading at it’s finest.

That sounds so much better.

Enjoy!

 

A Final MasterCard Moment: adamthomasrph.com

publication duration: July 14, 2012 to June 13, 2019

number of posts: 377 (including this one)

MasterCard Moments throughout the years: sadly, only 11.

Sharing the Random Nonsense that was My Life: priceless, truly priceless

Thanks for following over the years.  Oh, feel free to continue to support the cause to ensure My Non-Fictionalized Life becomes a Reality.  Just click one or all of those icons to download titles. Tell everyone  – PLEASE!

Because I wanted to come full circle, I decided to incorporate that very first entry into this postal sign-off.  I’m a sucker for that shit.  Besides, it’s a good, final plug for the book.

Adam Thomas thought he led a charmed life. Happily married with an adorable set of twins he was a member of the most trusted profession in the country. Yes, retail pharmacy had its shortcomings, but Adam handled adversity gracefully. Even though he knew ‘the customer wasn’t always right’, Adam didn’t allow the volatility of such work hazards to permeate his rational thinking and sound judgment. One day, however, everything changes. His once charmed life is turned upside down.

So begins the calamity Adam Thomas endures.

My Life As A Retail Pharmacist – A Fictionalized Memoir follows Adam as he navigates the struggles of standing up for what he believes. Tanya Stenke-Branch blatantly eavesdrops on Adam’s transaction with customer Milton R. Green. She dislikes Adam’s solution to Green’s insurance issue that arises and takes it upon herself to intervene. Adam is vocally upset with the unwelcome advice. But, according to ‘this wife of a prominent surgeon’, Tanya’s interference is in Mr. Green’s best interests. A reasonable everyday situation that Adam has handled numerous times in the past mutates into an unsalvageable disaster. Adam is ultimately terminated from Shaw Drug for his unprofessional behavior and his life begins to spiral out of control. What happens challenges Adam to question everything he once knew. When Tanya gossips to her friends at the local café about the incident, she discloses pertinent, yet confidential information, intentionally violating numerous HIPAA regulations. Fortunately for Adam, Paul Davis, Attorney at Law, just happens to overhear. Adam’s case for retribution has considerable merit.

As the lawsuit begins, the messy repercussions from such sensationalist trash that is so abundant in today’s world surface. Adam’s grasp on his charmed life continues to slip. The legal proceeding strains his familial interactions. His wife, Val, tries desperately to maintain balance, but Tanya and her lawyers just don’t play fair. Could such a random chance encounter ruin Adam’s professional and personal existence?

My Life As A Retail Pharmacist – A Fictionalized Memoir is current and hip and different. A cathartic read for anyone who has ever worked retail.

Happy reading!

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