Adam Thomas, RPH

… everyone lived happily ever after.  Unfortunately, things have changed.  Now ‘happily ever after’ has morphed into some awful, sad version of reality; a psychotherapists solution to ‘dealing with outcomes’.  Moreover, the consequences to ‘the wish’ being granted resemble ‘maybe I was better off before’.

Why? Why must even fairy tales be tainted with the harsh ramifications of reality? Why on earth would we ever want our children to imagine, hope and dream that there can be happily ever after?

I have no answer – insert heavy sigh.

So, what is the root of this fairy tale rant?

I saw  Into  The  Woods  a few days ago.  Yes, it was an amazing movie to watch on the big screen – the true definition of  Hollywood in all of its cinematic glory.  The singing was unparalleled, especially the kid who played Jack (the Beanstalk Jack).  Though Little Red Riding Hood’s voice did annoy the shit out of me.  Also, who the hell knew Chris Pine – Prince Charming – could sing.  He did an incredible ‘my relationship pain/frustration is worse than yours’ number with his onscreen brother, the suitor of Rapunzel called  Agony.  I searched for a link, but all I found were pirated versions.  I don’t support that shit – it is wrong.  Before I forget Chris Pine’s Prince Charming also delivered the best line in the movie.  When confronted by his new wife Cinderella about a mild flirtatious case of infidelity he promptly quipped, “I was raised to be charming, not sincere.”

Yes, that is a great line, but it was one of the main challenges to  ‘happily ever after’.  Come on! The dude was married for what, one day, and he’s off  into the woods making out with the Baker’s Wife?

Once again – why? Why can’t he be charming and sincere.  It makes us men who are both – that would be me, of course – look bad.  Then the Baker’s Wife  ends up falling off some cliff or something really stupid like that not having to live with what she had done.  I couldn’t help but think of the Don Henley/ Bruce Hornsby song End of the Innocence. 

Remember when the days were long
And rolled beneath a deep blue sky?
Didn’t have a care in the world
With mommy and daddy standing by

When happily ever after fails
And we’ve been poisoned by these fairy tales

Anyway, I tried very hard to streamline my thinking for this post in an attempt to make sense of this unfortunate situation.  But rereading what I’ve written, I failed – miserably at that.  Also, let me qualify my rant.  I’m really not that obsessed over this whole thing, just … disappointed.  Personally, I still hope for happily ever after.  I guess when Hollywood comes calling to make my fictitious life into a Blockbuster, I will ensure creative control.

Until that time I will close with the simple wish that is   Ever, Ever After   by Carrie Underwood

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QAniOB1Ts4k

I AM: The Power of Discovering Who You Really Are   by   Howard Falco

I AM takes readers on a life-changing journey … blah, blah, blah …  finding that the doorway to eternal peace, happiness, and fulfillment lies in one of the shortest sentences in the written word but the most powerful in the universe: I AM.

Blah, blah, blah … .  And the book is done.

No, I didn’t read this book, nor do I  want to.  Though I must say – I really love the power of the statement I AM.  However, before I go on I must share the ‘book review’ I found on Amazon because it sums up my initial impression of the book perfectly.

Grammatically correct, but 75% could have been edited out 

First the negative. As hard as I tried to like to like this book because of the positive reviews, I found the first 3/4 of the book to be comprised of repetitive statements of either the obvious or of what are the most basic tenets of conventional positive thinking such as:

1) We create our own reality.
2) Fear tends to bring about the very thing that is feared.
3) Faith tends to bring about positive outcomes.
4) People tend to be products of their environments.
 5) Failure does not define who you are

So, why am I writing about I am?

I’ve always been a mantra  kinda’ guy.   You know those short, usually positive-infused statements you repeat over and over when your mind wanders and the negative forces in the universe – or pharmacy customers – are trying like hell to bring you down.  So when I came across this bad boy mantra, I liked it – I AM has real power to it.

During a massage a few months back, I commented that I had a blemish around my eyes.  Luckily, the ‘rash’ was minor and went away after a few days. However it randomly reappeared from time to time.  The clinician stated that I might have some unresolved issue that is manifesting itself in the ‘rash’.  Great! I’m fucked.  I’m close to fifty fuckin’ years old – that’s a lot of potential unresolved issues to deal with.

Still, I did think about this.  Remember it’s a rash. And it’s on my face.  Why wouldn’t I try and resolve that, eh?

Just a little back story on me as a person – I really do think alot; maybe too much.  Furthermore, I do care about things I want to care about.  No, I’m not a  fake  when I angrily rant about pharmacy and the stupidity that IS the American customer.  You  just can’t fix that shit.  So this whole introspection / self-blah, blah, blah shit was nothing new to me.

But, you know something – I AM DONE!

How’s that for an I AM statement?  Huh? I am so over myself.  I am moving forward.  As for the rash… .  Well, I am almost fifty.  Weird shit happens as you get older.  Besides, it’s very transient and hydrocortisone cream works.
Now, I just have to wait for the power of that statement to impact some positive change in my life.

Welcome to 2015, baby!

I AM RESOLVED

Sorry, didn’t mean to have so much emphasis on Christmas carols this year.  It just worked out that way.   This was so well received last year it demands to be reposted!

Enjoy!

MERRY CHRISTMAS

1. Schizophrenia — Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder — We Three Kings Disoriented Are
3. Dementia —I Think I’ll Be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic — Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic — Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and . . .
6. Paranoid — Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me
7. Borderline Personality Disorder — Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
8. Personality Disorder — You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll Tell You Why
9. Attention Deficit Disorder — Silent Night, Holy OOOOOOOOh look at the Froggy, can I have chocolate, why is France so far away?
10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder — Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bell …

author unknown

Ho!Ho!Ho!

A friend of mine and I have this running joke called ‘office time’.  Well, it’s really not a joke.  It’s a reality.  Whenever either of us inquires about the other’s day off, only two words need to be said – yep, you guessed it – office time.  When those words are spoken, we both diaphragmatically breathe, knowing the other had a great day off.  If those two words aren’t said, we then sigh heavily and bid our condolences.

Unfortunately spouses, significant others and who ever or what ever you want to call that person you live with, sometimes don’t understand the concept of ‘office time’.  The situation usually involves one partner either not working. working part-time or working ‘from home’ with few and far between visits to ‘the office’.   Before I continue I must emphasize one important aspect of this reality.  Office time has nothing to say about the stability of the relationship.  Really.  Every healthy relationship needs individual ‘office time’.  It’s a proven fact.  Just don’t ask me to prove it right now because, like,  it’s less than two weeks before Christmas and I still have a lot to do.

You see – I’m a huge home body; always have been and probably always will be.  Will I eventually end up  some grumpy old-man-hermit, hoarding useless items in my house?  No.  Well, if I don’t have a positive change in my life soon and get out of retail pharmacy, I may need to get back to you about that.  Even then, my answer would still be – No.  Believe it or not – I am stable.

With retail  pharmacy, everyone wants something from me –  customers, management, fellow employees, that annoying asshole/bitch who wants every fucking immunization he/she can get just ‘because’.  Shut the fuck up and go away.   And to top it off,  everyone’s ‘problem’ turns out to be mine.  How the hell does that make sense?  I can barely solve my own shit let alone the staffs, the greedy-fucking company’s AND the general public’s panic over Whopping Cough or how the flu going around is some mutated strain not covered by the damn flu shot I ADMINISTERED.  Which is, of course, my fault.

Throw  a wife and three teenaged kids into the mix.  The demands can be … trying.

But with ‘office time’ – insert diaphragmatic breath-none of that matters. Do you know I can get more done in 1 hour of office time than in  the entire day when my family is around.  Okay, that may be an exaggeration, but work with me here.

I know none of this is anything new to anyone.  And yes, everyone has their own daily grind / work issues to deal with.  But remember, with ‘office time’  – insert diaphragmatic breath-none of that matters.

I could go on, but some of you are using precious office time to read this, so I won’t.  Instead I will leave you all with my wish for the New Year – Office Time.

I am … stable.  Right?

How on earth could I forget this staple?

A  Charlie Brown Christmas   by   Vince Guaraldi Trio

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLtMgCsGG7k&list=PL40jUNMLrLEQU7dv-FUZV7LKOZFGm6BnT&index=8

I subscribe to Entertainment Weekly magazine.  Often, when some random, yet entertainment-significant person reviews current music  he/she states that the song being reviewed would be on ‘the soundtrack of said reviewers’  life’.   I began thinking of my album/CD collection, especially the ones I grab for road trips and then the staples I always keep in my car.  I then came to the conclusion that I could never have just one soundtrack.

This ‘Soundtrack of My Life’ concept is something that will require much thought, yet something I will enjoy thinking about.  Right now it’s less than three weeks before Christmas and I literally have nothing done.  So I decided to focus on Christmas albums/songs to keep in tune with the season.

When I say I have a lot of Christmas CD’s, that is an understatement.  I blame my mother.  Which isn’t a bad thing.  She has quite the Christmas cassette and 8 track tape collection.  And yes, she probably still has the original cassettes / 8 track tapes AND the devices to listen to them.  Can you tell where I get my techno-savvy from?

Anyway, I do recognize the fact that there are some really bad Christmas albums out there  performed by artists that have now business doing a Christmas anything.  That being said, I want to highlight my favorites – four albums, three artists, two songs, and … a partridge in a pear tree?

Four albums:

A Christmas Album   by   Amy Grant

http://www.allmusic.com/album/a-christmas-album-mw0000190155

Home for Christmas   by   Amy Grant

http://www.allmusic.com/album/home-for-christmas-mw0000088569

Christmas Portrait   by   The Carpenters

http://thetunetube.com/2014/11/carpenters-christmas-portrait-full-album/

  December   by   George Winston

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5qGUhWPi6w

Three artists:

• Amy Grant is like the queen of Christmas albums.  And she should be.  I’ve never been a Christian Rock fan.  It’s like Country for me.  Though I am slowly getting into some cross-over Country.  Regardless, her voice is just amazing.
• Karen Carpenter has always been a favorite of my mother’s.   What more needs to be said?  Her voice was simple, classic yet precise. A true raw talent.  Did I say my mother really liked her?
• I saw George Winston in concert once.  I fell asleep.  But that’s kind of … a compliment?  It was a very nice, peaceful nap.  The only other thing I remember about the concert was that after every song he would stand, walk out from behind the piano and bow.  Quirky, but who cares.  Also, some of his songs can be ‘tinny’ – especially Carol of the Bells, but who cares.  There’s always the ‘next selection’ button.

Two songs:

“Some Children See Him” performed by James Taylor.  I’m a huge JT fan.  Yet when he released his Christmas album I was hesitant, thinking that he was one of the artists that should not do Christmas albums.  But, I was wrong.  It’s different and well done, especially this song.

“Do You Hear What I Hear” performed by Jim Brickman, featuring Anne Cochran and Tracy Silverman from Peace.  It’s simply beautiful.

Now, about that partridge thing … .

Well, it is hunting season AND I hear it taste like chicken.

I’m kidding – okay.

Enjoy

So, when your book is sold exclusively through Kindle – Kindle Direct Publishing or kdp select – Amazon offers various promotion ‘events’ for authors to generate business and exposure.  In the past, I’ve taken part in the FREE book promotion.  Nice as that is for the consumer, the author hopes that free sales will bolster others into actually buying.  Sometimes that happens; moreover, not.  Readers usually hoard the free books.  Some Good Reads or Shelfari users have thousands of books ‘on their shelf’ .

Kindle has another promotion called Kindle Countdown Deal.  During an allotted period of time, the book is discounted at various price increments.  Now, both the reader AND author can get something.  The reader gets a discounted book and the author actually gets a sale.

That being said – My Life As A Retail Pharmacist – A Fictionalized Memoir  is currently on such a deal.  Over the next 7 days – YES, SEVEN DAYS – the book is offered at a discounted rate.  So just   CLICK   that book cover  to the right.   Yes, it’s that easy!

Now that’s what I call  Cyber Deal!

Robert C. Bradshaw decided to list his book  In  Your  Eyes  on a similar promotion.   I agreed to advertise his special here, also.

Nice guy, eh? For his title, click the purple/blue over the title of the book.

Buy both – books are a great gift idea, too.

For the longest time I’ve searched for a distinguishing feature, I guess you could call it, for myself.  I’m a pretty basic guy.  Actually, I’m so boring it’s rather pathetic.  I don’t drink, smoke, gamble, or golf.  I don’t even watch sports unless one of my kids is involved.  Shit, even the annual ski trip has become … compromised.  Ugh!  Insert heavy sigh.

So, to spice it up a bit I wanted something cool – just for me.  Ya’ know, like that dude … any cool dude that has a signature drink or line or move – think James Bond with the whole Vodka Martini – shaken not stirred scenario*.  I realize I will never be that cool or even close.  However, I rarely think about it any more.  Like I’ve said before, there are days when my primary goal is to get through the day.  Thinking about my cool quotient is so far down my ‘to do’ list, it-will-never-happen!

But all of that is all behind me now.  Without realizing it, I have found my poison.  Unfortunately, I drink alone.  Fortunately, that’s not a bad thing and it’s not poison.  So, it’s all good.

Apple Cider Vinegar  with THE MOTHER – is the mud in my eye.

Apple cider vinegar is a type of vinegar made by the fermentation of apple cider. During the fermentation process, sugar in the apple cider is broken down by bacteria and yeast into alcohol and then into vinegar. Like other types of vinegar, apple cider vinegar contains acetic acid and it also contains some lactic, citric and malic acids.

This is some good shit, man.  From weight loss and acne to diabetes control and cardiovascular benefits, the list is diverse and inclusive.  Better yet, I haven’t had a sore throat since I started my ‘thang‘.  Though, it is acidic.  Vinegar that contains the Mother can cause indigestion, heartburn, and damage tooth enamel. Boo-fuckin’-hoo

Usually 10ml to 15ml is diluted in water and sipped over a period of time.  Sippin is for sissies, though.  And those that have the time and energy to think that hard about things – primarily women.  I take mine like a man, bitch – one shot glassful straight up every day.  Grit teeth and inset manly grunt.

http://altmedicine.about.com/od/applecidervinegardiet/a/applecidervineg.htm

There’s a link if you want more information.  Not all ACV products have ‘the Mother’, which is a live culture base that is never pasturized.  Therefore,  it can ‘yield’ more.  I guess ‘the Mother’ really is an appropriate name, eh?

* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUUq5mRCimo

So, I was surfing the Twitter scene.  Okay, okay, I realize I once posted that my attempt to Twitter had failed.  However, I still ‘stalk’ it occasionally to keep current.  Wow, am I glad I do.

An old college mate* posted something interesting about a Walgreens pharmacist in Indiana who really fucked up over… love and HIPAA?!

The lawsuit alleged that a female pharmacist improperly reviewed the prescription history of the defendant and divulged that confidential information to her husband that had previously fathered a child with the defendant.  The husband/baby daddy then blabbed the information to a few others AND threatened to use the ‘confidential information’ in a paternity lawsuit.

This is some good shit, man.  I write fiction – my story also involves HIPAA, but totally higher road – and I can’t even think something like this up.  Maybe if I could I would be selling more copies, eh?

Anyway, my favorite part of the whole story is the following –

The pharmacist who divulged the information  “received a written warning for her unethical actions and was required to retake a computer training program regarding HIPAA rules.”

Unless you work retail you have no idea how funny and insanely stupid this punishment is.  Retaking a computer training program regarding HIPAA rules.  Are you fucking kidding me?   That’s like saying that  all available resources are working on the problem.  Moreover, I must side with my college friend when he stated that the burden of this ‘proof’ should be the responsibility of the pharmacist NOT the employer.  Though when I read the ‘punishment’, my opinion was challenged.

http://www.indystar.com/story/news/2014/11/14/m-award-upheld-walgreen-pharmacist-shared-patient-data/19035783/

I realize this story happened in 2010 and the lawsuit/appeals is still in progress.  The integral part of my story happened in 2008.  It took me two years to conceptualize the incident, then another two years to write.  It went live on Kindle in July 2012.

So in this case, life imitates fiction.

*Thomas Halterman started a wonderful software tool to facilitate the patient/pharmacist/ prescriber  interaction.

http://www.outcomesmtm.com/about-us.aspx

The title of this post was a direct quote from Mr. Winston.  I’m not really sure who ‘Mr. Winston’ was, or still is for that matter, but he was referring to the Grandest Meeting 0f the Corduroy Appreciation Club that was held on Friday 11/11/11 – the date that most closely resembled corduroy – ever.

The Corduroy Appreciation Club? Why am I blogging about something that happened three years ago? Does the rain in Spain (really) fall mainly on the plain?

Yes, there is such a club.  It IS a November tradition – corduroy day, 11/11 that is, and it’s just fun.   Lastly, I have no clue and could give two shits about the rain in Spain thing.  I was just messin’ around.

One last thought before I continue.  I was wanting another ‘November’ holiday/tradition to compliment last years  Novembeard  post (11/25/2013).  I’m thinkin’ this works!?

Anyway… , some back story.

The exact time when I first learned about the Corduroy Club is unclear, but details surrounding my learning about said Club definitely are  not.

One day I arrived at work wearing a pair of corduroy pants.  Yes, I owned corduroy pants, okay.  I usually only wore them to work.  Anyway. In an attempt to make small talk, the manager at the time – side note: this is a man that should NEVER attempt to make small talk – commented on my clothing choice, mentioning that it would be good attire for 11/11/11. Since I never want this man to continue talking, I didn’t ask any questions, yet he did continue on, rambling on about the Corduroy Club and the Grandest Meeting.

After he left we rolled our eyes, questioning the validity of everything he had just said.  “Do we look that stupid?” was the collective response.

The next day  a technician verified everything  and provided even more information.  From then on it was a free-for-all.  We had a blast.  We work retail pharmacy – our lives are that dull.  So something mindless and silly can get you through even the worst of days. Consider it the pharmacy version of water-cooler talk.  When word that ‘the Grandest Meeting’ was going to be held in Chicago our gears for a road trip started spinning.  When we realized that the previous years ‘meeting’ was held at some street corner in a seedy part of New York City, those gears stopped – thankfully.

Some time past, but every now and then the topic resurfaced.  It was fall in Northern Michigan; corduroy and flannel are a staple.  A few of us had been wanting to get out.  We were all married with kids – what more needed to be said.  So we decided to use 11/11/11 as an excuse.  It WAS  corduroy day.  That was reason enough.

So, we went out and had a great time, sportin’ some ‘roy and drinkin’ some brew.  The goal was to stay out until 11:11 ON 11/11/11, but I don’t think that happened.

It didn’t matter.  Our ‘wales’ had aligned.   All was good.