Adam Thomas, RPH

The sky was a ragged blaze of red and pink and orange, and its double trembled on the surface of the pond like color spilled from a paintbox.  The sun was dropping fast now, a soft red sliding egg yolk, and already to the east there was a darkening to purple. … Across the pond a bullfrog spoke a deep note of warning.  … The rowboat slipped from the bank then, silently, and glided out, tall water grasses whispering away from its sides, releasing it.

Tuck  Everlasting   by   Natalie Babbitt

I will never write a paragraph, let alone an entire novel, as effortlessly beautiful.  Am I capable? Probably.  Will it happen? Probably not.  I have a different style.  And, I am okay with that.

The reason I highlight this particular book is because I just finished reading it.  But, I saw the equally amazing 2002 movie FIRST.

Which brings me to the reason for this post AND an age old matter of contention.  Book or movie? Which was better?  Unfortunately, it’s complicated.  Of course it’s complicated.  Why wouldn’t it be?

Books have been and continue to be a great source of Hollywood material.  The Harry Potter series, Hunger Games, Fifty Shades of Grey – the list is endless.   Oh, did I mention  My  Life  As  A  Retail  Pharmacist –  A  Fictionalized  Memoir  would make a great movie?  Well, it would or will.  As a writer, you fantasize about when Hollywood comes calling.  And, which actor will play the coveted characters you’ve created.  It’s what gets you through the really rough days of writer’s block, editing, and rejection. Look at the actor selection process that went into Fifty  Shades  of  Grey.  That was crazy.  By the way, I think Jason Bateman, Topher Grace, or even that Eddie dude who just won an Oscar  would make a great Adam Thomas.

The reason my situation with Tuck Everlasting is complicated is because, like I said,  I saw the movie first.  Usually that’s not the case.  So, I knew exactly what was going to unfold, which actor played each character, and – gasp – how that gangly, icky guy in the yellow suit died.   My imagination while reading was influenced by the Hollywood version.  I don’t recommend it.  The movie followed the book precisely, changing just a few details necessary to present an equally endearing movie.

See why it’s complicated? If I would’ve read the book first, this ‘complication’  wouldn’t be an issue.

Oh well.  It’s kind of nice to have such trivial things to blog about, eh?

Anyway, to put us both out of rambling misery, I will close with a simple, yet poignant line.  Which, by the way, William Hurt totally rocked the delivery of in the movie.

Don’t be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXbbAbDvifw

Sorry about this, but I found another Babbitt bit.

Nothing ever seems interesting when it belongs to you – only when it doesn’t.

Yes, that is a new word I created.  At least, I think I did.  If not, the origin and definition of  my version of the word is quite original.  First, let me apologize right now for two ‘vocabulary’ posts in a row.   The last post was planned for some time.  This one … was not.

Back to my new word.  Oh, by the way, I would probably choose twalk.  It just sounds better.

Origin            – the combination of the words tweet or twitter and stalk

Definition     – to stalk someone via tweets or on twitter

Simple yet disturbing at the same time.

Let me explain.

In my unwavering attempt to gain exposure, I am constantly trying to think of creative ideas to, ya know, get myself out there.  In the days of snail mail, I would query agencies, inquiring about representation.  That was a long, painful process that yielded rejection and my frustration, of course.  Every agency had guidelines – the ole’ what to do / what not to do.  One what not to do that I never did was harass an   agency/agent with multiple submissions and/or unwanted phone calls.

Today, the internet and social media has definitely expedited the process.  Rejection is still painful, but at least the wait time is shorter.  Did I mention that rejection is painful?

Remember, I am not the social media fiend.  I only opened my twitter account to promote my effort.  Then quickly decided it wasn’t really worth the effort and focused my attention elsewhere.  Until – insert cartoon picture of light bulb – I realized  I could tweet to anyone who had an account.    Even if that party didn’t follow me, the tweet I sent to that party  WAS ALWAYS RECEIVED.

See where a desperate indie author trying to gain exposure could go apeshit over this.  Granted the poor soul on the receiving end probably ignores tweets from random individuals.  Ashton Kutcher has, like, one bizzilion followers.  I’m thinkin’ his finger is constantly positioned over the DELETE button.

Anyway, I targeted an innocent individual that was considered a ‘risk taking movie producer, specializing in literary unknowns’.  Of course, my book would make a great movie.  Thus the twalking began.

Yes, I had fun with it.  Especially at the end when I somehow felt a ‘connection’ may have been made.  No, my harassing wasn’t obnoxious.  It was limited to either ‘replies’ on questions for all the party’s followers or a random tweet about a recent post.   Then one day a tweet was posted by the twalkee  that I thought was directed toward me.  I felt incredibly guilty for what I had done.   I’m Catholic.  We specialize in self-inflicted guilt.  I sent one last tweet, apologizing for my actions.

Then, I continued to follow this party and realized the ‘tweet’ was most likely directed to another party.  Insert sigh of relief.  Though, I am a tad disappointed my ‘connection’ was actually a disconnect.

Oh, well.  I Am officially done with twalking AND vocabulary lessons.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRBoPveyETc

blog

noun \ˈblȯg, ˈbläg\

: a Web site on which someone writes about personal opinions, activities, and experiences.

www.merriam-webster.com

Actually the word blog can be a noun – referring to a specific site or a verb – referring to what I do here.

So, what is it I do here, you may ask?  Other than put people to sleep, rambling on about nonsense?  Hmmm.

Recently, I went for an annual tune-up.  Not the automotive type, checking the ‘vital stats’ of my car, ensuring its performance in subzero temperatures.  And definitely not the yearly ‘turn your head and cough’ evaluation that is just loads of fun for all involved.  Though, I am overdue for both – cough, cough.  Ugh!

I’m talkin’ blog check-up. Ya’ know, tweaking this vehicle of my random rants.   This year I had the privilege to meet with the Blog Master himself – the Yoda of all that is blog.  For simplicity sake, let’s just call him Mark.  I missed Mark in previous years primarily because of scheduling issues.  Also, I really had nothing pressing to discuss.  So, why schedule if there’s nothing to discuss?

This year however, I had a concern.    I work hard on my blog-sense  and wanted to ensure my posts were backed up.  That’s right. I wanted to be archived, baby.  I was assured there is an auxiliary storage system, but I wanted more.  The Yoda master delivered.  Even before I arrived, Mark had a flash drive with adamthomasrph.com already uploaded.     Insert sigh of relief. 

Then he adjusted my settings and panels and a bunch of other shit I have no idea how to access.  So, I am good to … blog on.

Since I referred to Mark as the Yoda of all that is blog here in Traverse City, MI, I googled some quotes from the green guy himself.

• When nine hundred years old you reach, look as good, you will not, hmmm?

–YODA, Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

I may not be nine hundred, but fifty is right around the corner.  However, ‘look as good’ is what I do.  Or at least try to do. Though I am beginning to question my attempt at all that is vane.  I was semi-insulted the other day when someone told me I could easily pass for … 42.  What the fuck is that? 42?  Ugh!

• If no mistake have you made, yet losing you are … a different game you should play.

–YODA, Shatterpoint

This proverb is right up my ‘I Am’ alley.  For, I Am ready for a  different game to play.

•  Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.

–YODA, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

The quote should really read retail pharmacy IS anger, hate and suffering. Ouch!

Sorry, couldn’t pass up an opportunity to slam my non-fictionalized choice of professions.  But, remember, my game is about to change.

Bring it.  Or in this case, blog it!

enhanced Driver’s license :           $45.00

fine for driving 50km/h over the  100km/h speed limit:      $10,000

budget the city of Niagara Falls, NY spends on snow removal:      $0.00

laughing with the parents, watching the kids unwind:         priceless

Yes, another hockey tournament has come and gone.  The outcome wasn’t exactly what we had wanted, but it was memorable.  For some reason the 445 miles each way was the easy part of the weekend.  I did purchase Taylor Swift’s  1989  for my daughter and I to sample as we drove.  Speaking of that, I logged quite a bit of ‘thought time’ regarding the Soundtrack of My Life post.  It’s still in the cocoon stage, but soon.  Very soon.  Note – T. Swift’s  Welcome to New  York  WILL NOT be selected for that post, but I decided to include a link below. I love the retro-ish quality of the song.  Still, I hate New York right now.

I guess the falls are frozen.  Just like the hearts of many New Yorkers – just kidding, okay.  But seriously, they drive like shit on even shitter, unplowed roads and just don’t care.  Oh well.   The staff at the hotel was nice and accommodating.  So maybe there’s hope for the rest of New York.  Maybe.

http://www.inquisitr.com/1851494/niagara-falls-frozen-amazing-pictures-show-waterfall-draped-in-sheets-of-solid-ice/

Speaking of driving, I initially thought the 100 speed limit in Canada was mph.  Thankfully my daughter corrected me, reminding me Canada follows the metric system – 100km/h.   Although driving 100mph would’ve been awesome, paying $10,000 would NOT be … priceless.

Can’t think of too much more to write.  So, I’ll  stop.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bzr5VtFvSyw

For the last few years, sending Christmas cards has not been a huge priority.  Yes, I eventually send them, but it’s usually not until early to mid  January.  Who cares? Besides, a number of recipients have commented that the card actually gets looked at instead of thrown in the heap with countless others.  I’ve contemplated converting to New Years Greetings to co-inside with my timeliness, but realized that would take more effort than I care to expend AND there’s the rebuttal from my wife, contending the discounted rate is better at 100 than 50.  Imagine that!

To answer the next question.  Yes, my wife and I have separate address books.  Some find this unusual.  But I am a responsible adult that can take care of my own friends and their addresses.  Also, remember I am a Hallmark junkie.

Unfortunately, this past season really got away from me.  When it came time to order the cards, I actually considered bowing out this year.  Gasp!  Then decided otherwise and received the 100 count price.  Read my mind, okay.   

New Years came and went.   My cards still sat there.  By the way, my reluctance – maybe that’s not the best word to choose – had nothing to do with laziness.  I am not and will never be a lazy ass.  However, life does throw you lemons; prioritizing is essential.   So is finding a new recipe to make that damn lemonade.  But that’s a whole nother story.

Then a flash of brilliance struck.  It does happen from time to time.  I decided to send my Christmas cards for Valentine’s Day.  A novel idea if I do say so myself.  Our card this year was non-descript – Only Merry Christmas was written on the front with a generic Shutterfly  ‘wishing you blah, blah, blah in 2015’.  Snowflakes where the background.  Perfect.  I decided to slap and address label with the words …

Be our … belated Christmas card*

Happy Valentine’s Day 

… over the Merry Christmas.  The rest just worked – sometimes generic phrasing is best.  For the snowflakes… .  It snows until May here in Northern Michigan.  So, I was golden.

My problem was solved.

Here’s another offering for that Hallmark holiday I recently found in my inbox.  Thx Kimmie.

*Unfortunately my … was misplaced.  The actual address label read – Be our belated … Christmas card.  But it is correct here.  To me, that’s really all that matters.

Originally, I was going to devote one post to the Yak AND its trax.  But I laughed every time I saw the picture staring back at me.  Admit it.  It’s funny to have an entire post devoted to the Yak.

On with this post.

•  When some ‘outdoor adventurer’ dude was in the Himalayas, he spotted this Sherpa dude confidently walking across a slick, icy surface.  – Sounds majestic, doesn’t it?
• Of course, the million dollar idea of some patented coil traction device blah, blah, blah was conceived
• Named after the sure-footed Tibetan Yak – thus, the picture
• Yaktrax  offer a wide  array of ice traction devices for footwear
• I just hope the Sherpa dude is gettin’ a percentage.  Not that he would probably care.  Still, … .

Yes, there are oodles of other companies that have similar patented blah, blah, blah.  The reason I’m highlighting Yaktraxs  is because I received a pair for Christmas and they rock!  I went for a walk the other day and just like Sherpa dude I confidently walked across the slick, icy surface that WAS my subdivision.  AND I DIDN’T FALL.  I wasn’t majestic by any means, but I didn’t fall.  That, in itself, is a huge accomplishment.

Back to the other reason for this post.

I was at the gym on Thursday a few weeks back.  Every Thursday the owners play country music in the gym.  The majority of the time I don’t even realize what station is playing.  I have a wife, three kids AND I work retail.  I can tune anything out. However,  there was a particular moment when I was listening to the station.  Apparently a new album was coming out featuring country singers performing rock songs.  The announcer rattled off what star/group did what song.  All I remember was that Psycho  Killer  was remade as was  I’m  Gonna  Be (500 miles)   by the Proclaimers; a duet by Hayley and Michaels and it is awesome.

Since this post is devoted to the leisurely activity that is  ‘walking’ , I was compelled to share the link to the remake.  I was going include the link when the Proclaimers appeared on Letterman back in 1989.  But it was, like, over six minutes long.  Just couldn’t do that.  Besides, this is actually better than the original.

Track on!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPK9wpRl8Sw

By the way, I’m lucky if I even walk 500 miles in a year.

I know, I know – not ANOTHER ode.  But I really haven’t  had one recently – Ode to Idaho August 20,2014 to be exact.  Besides, this is a very special ‘Ode’.  Every year around this time I devote a post to … the  ANNUAL  ski trip.  Once again, I will have to sit it out.  Let’s just say it’s a long story, that’s … complicated.

Anyway, the word ‘ode’ was never even considered for the title.  Then, I read, really I just flipped through the pages, of the December 2014 SKI MAGAZINE.   An article entitled  Keeping It Real caught my attention.  It was basically a compilation of ‘thoughts’ and memories paying homage to skiing and basically everything related to skiing – from $18 burgers to parents reminiscing about watching their kids grow up on ski.  In fact, there were actually six entries with the word ‘Ode’ in the title.  So how could I title this post anything else?  It would be wrong.

Before I begin my rambling, I want to highlight my favorite entry.  It’s not an ‘ode’ it.  But, damn it, it should be.

LAST CHAIR –

First chair gets all the glory, but last chair is a better gauge of attitude.  Heck, anyone can set an alarm to roll out of bed.  But staying on the hill for the last run just ahead of the patrol sweep? That takes dedication. 

I am not a great skier.  After the first two days, the rest of the group attacks the ‘untamed territory’ on the mountain, while I peruse the groomed trails.  We meet up for lunch and heckle each other if we cross paths either skiing or from the lifts.  For me, I’m usually the recipient of said heckling, especially when I’m searching the immediate area for the fuckin’ pole I lost in my last wipeout.

But that’s okay.

For me it was and never will be just about the skiing.  These are my friends.  Friends that don’t live near the tundra that is Northern Michigan.  Friends that I’ve known for over twenty years.  And friends that are just that – my friends.  Fortunately, over the last few months I’ve seen a few on separate occasions.  But, it’s not the same.

I’ve e-mailed them all and they will not only carve it up, BUT drink very heavily.  All in my honor, of course.  Yeah, right!

Oh to be part of … the ANNUAL ski trip instead of just writing the Ode to … .

This youtube link is supposed to be ‘ the best skiing video ever’ .  It’s not.  But it is fun and appropriately compliments my post.

Also,  a snowboarder is included in the video.  Our group has one ‘boarder and the ‘Dude’ who does both – ski and snowboard.  Of course he does.  Why wouldn’t he?

Enjoy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcaUcL8MiKk

So, one day at work, at like 11:43am, I turned to my coworker and, well, … we both sighed heavily.  Somehow the topic of alcohol came up and, of course, the infamous words – well, it is 5 o’clock somewhere – were spoken.  After a moment, I had a thought.  Yes, that does happen from time to time.  Usually I keep these random thoughts to myself or write blog posts about them.  On that day, I decided to say –

“But is it really 5 o’clock somewhere? How many time zone can there actually be?” 

Fortunately for the pharmacy staff – note: sarcasm – another coworker decided to answer the question AND join the conversation without permission.  Luckily, his answer was a simple “24 “- note: nothing with this person is ever simple.  Then the attention had to shift back to filling prescriptions and that was that.

Until … I decided to create this post. Besides, I love the song link I included, so I had to find a way to incorporate it. Right?

Currently there are 24 official time zones in the world. There are 16 others too but they are not usually taken into account in official international matters. Official time zones are divided into units of one hour each but the unofficial time zones may have 15 min, 30 min or 45 min as their base unit. Ideally speaking, there should be 24 time zones in the world but this is not the world of our dreams and there are political factors at work too! For example, China and India don’t have any time zones but if speaking scientifically, China passes through five time zones and India through two, but the ruling politicians who don’t want to divide their country into time zones in order to protect its integrity! The result is: one has to adjust his/her watch by 3.5 hours when one crosses the border from China to Afghanistan.

On the other hand, there are eleven time zones in both France and Russia and the government of Russia is trying to bring the number down. In Iran, the government prefers to divides the time zones into 30 minute units

Furthermore,

Until 1972 all time zones were specified as an offset from Greenwich Mean Time (GMT), which was the mean solar time at the meridian passing through the Royal Observatory in Greenwich, London. Since 1972 all official time services have broadcast radio time signals synchronized to UTC, a form of atomic time that includes leap seconds to keep it within 0.9 seconds of this former GMT, now called UT1. Many countries now legally define their standard time relative to UTC, although some still legally refer to GMT, including the United Kingdom itself. UTC, also called Zulu time, is used everywhere on Earth by astronomers and others who need to state the time of an event unambiguously.

This whole ‘leap second’ thing is under constant attack.  Why wouldn’t it be, though? It sounds really stupid.  Personally, I think these time zone analyst people need to just fuck 5 o’clock and have a drink.

But that’s just me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfqtO88ZlBQ

Yes, that is the name of the restaurant I open in My  Life  As A  Retail  Pharmacist – A Fictionalized Memoir.  However, in my real life I would do no such thing.  At least at this stage.  I really do hate people right now and would never think about cooking, let alone serving, them breakfast.  But, this is a happy post.  So we can’t bring up the c – word* right now.

Back to the reason I am writing – breakfast.  I love everything about breakfast.  Except those stupid Jimmy Dean commercials where that guy is dressed up in that sun costume.  Stupid.  Just the thought of that sausage/egg sandwich thing in the microwave is just wrong.   And gross.  And … wrong.  That is not breakfast.

So here is a quick run down of my breakfast favorites.

1. Bacon – recently started cooking in the oven: 375 for about 20 minutes, flipping once – use parchment paper
2. Baked Oatmeal – an amazing recipe that was given to me by a friend
3. The Egg Bake – basically hash browns, a shit load of eggs, and lots of cheddar cheese
4. Over easy – my egg preference, in case anyone wondered
5. Stuffed French Toast – cream cheese and jam sandwich French-toasted – peach preserves rocks
6. Coffee – no additional comment needed – it’s amazing
7. Eggs Benedict – my favorite breakfast indulgence
8. PANCAKES – I only eat my grandmother’s recipe.  Which I included in my Memoir, I might add.
9. Ruby Red Grapefruit Juice – my favorite but if I drink too much I get a small rash on my … .  Sorry, TMI.
10. Bacon – Roy’s marquee once read: Everything in moderation – except bacon

Okay, I’m officially  hungry.

So what more is there to say about breakfast? Hmmm… .

• I love going out to breakfast.  It’s always so laid back; no rush.
• I  met my wife at a Sunday Brunch.  She was my waitress.  She was a very stressed waitress. So brunch was perfect for her.
• According to my sister, you should always over-tip breakfast servers.  I do.
• A waitress back in Chicago had a name tag that read – Oh Miss
• Eating an omlette at 2am with D Law (Hill) while studying for finals at Perkins in Iowa City  – best college memories.  Ever!

See, there are so many reasons to love breakfast.

To close this post I decided to include an excerpt from  My … Fictionalized Memoir

             The Morning Scramble was open for business. 

            Val actually thought of the name, claiming those words best described most weekday mornings.  Kurt still lobbied for The Pancake Palace, but was overruled.  The restaurant is open Tuesday through Sunday 7 a.m. to 11 a.m. Kathryn waitresses on the weekends and is looking forward to summer when she can do it more regularly.   Meredith Yates came to the Grand Opening and presented me with my very own Customer Etiquette Proclamation.  It was even framed. But everyone knows what is expected in my establishment.  If not, they find out soon enough.

            Well, there you have it.  My story is over, but my life has begun.  I never thought anything remotely resembling the events of the past year could or would ever happen.  In retail pharmacy, anything is possible.

            Order up!

*customer IS the c-word