Adam Thomas, RPH

We were at church on Mother’s Day. Yes, the entire family.  Rarely does that happen anymore, considering work schedules and … life.  A young family was seated directly in front of us.  The youngest child – probably about 18 months old – caught my attention.  So damn cute. Of course, I thought of my children and how they were once that young.  It seemed that things were so much easier then.  Still, I would never go back.  Hell, I almost have two of my three out of the house.  Why on earth would I ever go back?

My main goal a a parent was to always be around.  Not in that hell-icopter sort of way.  But in an existence way.  So, if anything was ever needed, I was present. I am a huge home body which made this very easy.  I think just being accessible is the the most important part of parenting.  Well, that and listening.  Even when you are not part of the conversation, you can still hear what’s being said.

Another perk to being around is that I accommodate my children’s needs.  Within reason, of course.  If my 21 year old son asks me to make him a sandwich, I willingly comply.  Can he do it himself? Most definitely. Soon, very soon, he will be out of the house on his own for good. I will never say the words,  “I wish I didn’t make that sandwich.” My wife says I am doing a huge disservice to the children by doating too much.  I disagree.

To this day, I have never logged into their school accounts to check grades or progress reports. I don’t even know how to do it. Furthermore, once the kids were in Middle School, I never attended a Parent-Teacher Conference.  Each child knew I would go if requested.  And, if something was needed, I would be on it.  Immediately.

My second child (the hockey player)  is a Senior in High School.  She has had quite the tumultuous year. A fucking roller coaster is probably a better description. Still, it was all good – planned to perfection by me.  She was in Canada for hockey training, hoping that would facilitate better college opportunities.  The world of collegiate hockey is a beast all its own, let me tell you. Often, she would call for advice, especially when it came time to choosing a college to attend. I offered my opinion, weighing the pro/con factor, still remaining … neutral. I did not want to be cliche either, offering false words of supposed wisdom that are a total disservice to the recipient. Besides, how could I ever make that decision? It’s all her.  And, it should be.  I was there for every loop of that fucking roller coaster, though.  She exited the ride stronger – I think. Me, I drank more.  Just kidding?!

Where is all this going? No fucking clue.  I don’t have all of the answers.  Hell, the answers I do provide are often ill-received.  Fortunately, things … work out.  One thing for certain – there will always be another carnival attraction.  Unfortunately, I may not always be tall enough to ride.

https://www.gardeners.com/how-to/peony-care/8106.html

Growing up diva

1. Peonies prefer a sunny location with well-drained soil.
2. Good air circulation around the plant is also important.
3. Proper growing conditions help peonies avoid their only serious disease problem: botrytis – a fungal diseases present in most soils.
4. Kept in optimal conditions, a peony plant can live to be over 100 years old
5. Ants play an important role in helping peonies bloom. When they climb inside the buds, they help them open.

29 ‘shades’ of peonies

The American Peony Society recognizes six broad categories.  However, there are up to 29 different hybrid/grafted varieties – usually limited to coral, numerous shades/intensities of pink, and white.

• Duchesse de Nemours – the peony ‘standard’ – a 150 years old wedding staple – I do!
• Garden Treasure  – the only lemon yellow  bloom – #garden diversity
• Sarah Bernhardht – this heirloom variety dates back to 1906
• Dr. Alexander Fleming – I got nothin’
• Raspberry Sundae and Pink Parfait – no ice cream required

sleeping beauty tips

– In China, the petals are parboiled and sweetened for use as a tea-time delicacy, in summer salads, or as garnish for punches and lemonades.

– To maximize vase life – harvest when bud starts to show color, cut stems forearm length, wrap in newspaper and store flat in the refrigerator (thus the sleeping beauty reference). To rehydrate – trim stem and place in warm water.

– Golf ball-sized buds can yield flowers that are 8 inches across.

– Rinse the flower in soapy water before bringing inside.

peony punch

Apparently, whatever buds remain on a peony after harvesting, the plant transfers its energy accordingly. The resulting flower is quite robust.  If the peony plant can do that after 100 years, I’m going to parboil me some petals, baby.

So, let’s TALK about ‘The Life changing magic of not giving a fuck‘.

• senior editor major publishing house
• really, really unhappy
• quit job – moved to tropical island to work for yourself

Good for her! (slight sarcastic tone implied) Otherwise, I’m just totally jealous.

the NOT sorry meTED

 the TALK home message

about TED

The link IS my cited source – cut and pasted right from the About tab, baby.  It has other information, of course.  But for blogging purposes, this is all that is relevant.

I first heard about TED from my children.  Luckily, it wasn’t in reference to a guy either of my girls wanted to date.  Not ready for that yet.  It took awhile to figure out what TED really was without asking too many questions.  I’ve learned that if a child is engaged in conversation with you as a parent, don’t ask too many questions. If you do, that conversation is doomed, man.

After that, I learned all I needed to know about TED.  My daughter actually forwarded me this TALK.  True story. I provided the link for two reasons.  First, it is the introductory idea for this bout of Nonsense. Besides, it’s interesting, yet frustrating.  Second, it’s your Mission. That is, if you choose to accept it. * Watch some, if not all. And, next post I will share my Random thoughts.

Exciting, eh?!

Probably not!

*Another Mission:Impossible movie is on tap for the summer.  I recently watched the trailer. So, I couldn’t resist.

number of days without phone service:   9

voice message statistics:   40* messages  –  191 hours 33 minutes. Oh, and, 17 seconds

longest hold time: 3 hours (that we know of)

the phrase – it’s a known problem and all available resources are working on it: priceless

My apologies for having another Moment this soon.  However, when the material presents itself, it NEEDS to be written.  And, this one really is priceless.

Winter Storm Xanto came to town.  It snowed from Friday night until at least Monday mid-day. Schools were closed on April 16.  I have no idea about snow accumulations.  I don’t care.  The totals that matter are included above.

Like other businesses on the same grid, our phone service was affected. And, that’s putting it lightly. Neither incoming nor outgoing calls could be received.  Bet yet, the Drive-Thru is wired into the intercom system. Translation: Keep on Driving. Thru. No one could even press the fucking ‘CALL’ button. Retail karma’s a bitch, eh?

I can’t make this shit up, man.  And, I write fiction. You would think in this day and age of technology this would never be an issue.  So what was the issue?

 ‘wet’ underground cable –  between two manhole covers – IS that term PC? – busy roadway – buried in 10 feet of snow pack – underground slopes – on-site generators – vacuum company – 2 feet sludge – maybe my job isn’t so bad – new cable ordered – probably from China – estimated delivery 5 days – cable installed – ticket closed –  Who am I kidding? My job really does suck

I realize that 40 messages over 9 days is minimal. Oh, and that * means the mailbox was full. Still, I don’t think that impacted the totals too significantly. Internet E-prescriptions have streamlined communication between pharmacies and prescribers.  So, we were able to process those prescriptions.  In the past, prescriptions were either given to the patient when seen in the office or phoned in.  If that were still the case, we would be under way more more than 2 feet of …  sludge.

I could continue ranting about how dumb this whole situation was – especially the customer that said she was on hold for 3 hours.  Instead, I decided to have some fun and searched all available resources to find musical selections pertaining to this known problem.

1. Ring, Ring – ABBA
2. Answer the Phone – Sugar Ray (Damn it!)
3. Pick Up the Phone – Travis Scott and Falling In Reverse
4. Don’t Pick Up the Phone – Kim Carnes – (I opt for this version, of course)
5. Love on the Telephone – Foreigner (there never was before – after this, never will be either)
6. Call Me Maybe – Carly Rae Jepsen    (probs not – the video is creepy)
7. Hold the Line – Toto
8. Hold On – 24 different artists

 Technically, there were 25 songs with that title.  However, Little Anthony and the Imperials decided to be optimistic  with their rendition – Hold On (Just a Little Bit Longer).

Somehow, they knew that those resources really were working on it!

I grew up watching more weekly television shows than most kids my age.  And, Saturday morning cartoons … . They were the bomb.  Over time, my viewing opportunities decreased, of course.  Though, I still loved the idea of watching a scheduled show. When you’re having a shitty week, knowing that there was something to get you through was nice. Even if it was a 30 minute sit-com.

As I aged even more, my habits changed accordingly.  I worked 2, if not 3, nights every week. And, Life happened. I attempted to tape/DVR certain shows.  Before long, I was so far behind, it was pointless to continue.

Which brings me to the latest television trend – binge watching.  I’m not wired for binge anything – not eating, not drinking, and definitely not watching television. Sounds boring, but I’m fine with it.

Speaking of trending television tendencies, rebooting old shows has become quite the thing to do.  I’ve always said that original ideas are hard to produce. Sustaining quality is even harder.  Therefore, it’s only natural that freshening up an old  network franchise would work.

Not always.

Charlie’s Angels

Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz, and Lucy Liu had the perfect amount of ‘camp’ to pull off these movies.  The short-lived television reboot … didn’t.

Fuller House

The Bob Saget weekly fatherly ‘lessons’ set to music made me nauseous.  Why would I ever watch it again? Besides, those Olsen twins really weren’t that cute.

Will and Grace

never saw an episode – no real reason.

Rosanne

Not a big fan of Rosanne Barr back then.  Not a big fan of Rosanne Barr now, either.

Murphy Brown

The show ran from for 1988 to 1998 – 247 episodes. Over that 10 year run, the show highlighted a running ‘gag’.  Murphy Brown had a total of 93 secretaries – all referred to by number in the closing credits.

secretarial antics – Murphy Brown

Diane English, the series creator, wrote and director almost every episode in the first four years. Then, she departed the show to produce a spin off – which spiraled downward. Fast  Anyway, after she left, the quality of Murphy Brown took a major hit. Two words –  Dan Quayle – potatoes. Okay, that was technically three words.  About that same time,  I was looking for an out.  It was harder and harder to tune in.  I think I lasted the next season. Then, I was done.

Alas, 20 years later, a reboot is on tap.  Diane English is at the helm and Candice Bergen returns in the title role.  However, I probs won’t watch.  Bergen portrayed a strong, brash woman taking on, like, everyone – especially the system. Back then, it was funny. Now, that’s the LAST thing I want to watch. She’s older, and undoubtedly brasher.  Why would I ever willingly  listen to that?  I hate woman.  Truthfully, I hate everyone. But strong-willed women have really worn me down, man. So much so, that I’m not even curious to see how the whole secretary story line will be handled.

Secretary #94 – Dan Quayle?

“Tempting.  But no.”

A friend of mine works for a popular pharmacy chain that decided to participate in a new fundraiser.  First of all, charitable organizations are a duel edged sword.  Even if a cause is totally legit, I’m still skeptical. Imagine that, eh? What amount of the money donated is actually going to the recipients who need the funds rather than administrative fees?

shot in the … arm

Case in point – flu shots.  Let me rephrase that – fucking flu shots.  It’s been established over and over how much I hate flu shots.  Every pharmacist I know curses the damn things.  However, once I learned what a crock of shit the ‘get a shot, give a shot‘ promotion truly was, my hate escalated.  Escalated hate in any situation is bad – especially retail. (Though inflicting pain on happy, delusional people with a sharp needle does help. Somewhat.) According to the chain website, only $0.22 per shot is eventually donated.  Retail price for the vaccine is $31.99.  That’s not even 1%.  It’s frightening how corporate marketing can manipulate verbiage.

Before I continue, let me qualify something.  I know nothing about charitable organizations and the governmental parameters that dictate what and how much can be donated. That shot promotion campaign is undoubtedly within guidelines.  If it stated something different like – every shot given will help fund vaccinations in under developed nations – my anger would be curbed. Not as much as the joy inflicting pain provides.  Still, … .

what’s UP with that* 

Funny thing happened to a friend of mine – let’s call her Kimmie – a few years ago.  Here in Traverse there is a local organization that is funded by donations from the community. One facet of this Foundation helps people pay for prescriptions if the recipient can’t afford the medication.  Kimmie talked with a man who stated this service was going to pay for his prescription.  All he needed was to communicate to the representative the price of the medication.  Kimmie was upset about this inappropriate allocation of charitable funds. Yet, she had to comply. When the representative called, inquiring about the total price, Kimmie challenged the logic behind payment. The volunteer  stated that  the Foundation  “didn’t pass judgement.” The prescription was for Viagra.  When other people’s money is being spent, executive decisions need to be made.  That is NOT judgement.

*pun totally intended

celestial rivalry

Back to the incident that started this whole rant. The new promotion at this retail company mandated that every time a vitamin product was sold, 1 % of that sale would go toward providing “life-changing vitamins to undernourished children around the world and here at home“.  Here’s the best part – each store was provided a greeting card that employees could sign to send to a randomly selected child.  The promotion is called Vitamin Angel.

Thankfully, I’ve already ranted enough.  To wrap my brain around this ‘gesture’ is too much for me to put into words. Instead, I laughed. And instantly thought of an ex-technician. She once told a customer that the reason her prescription wasn’t done was because the Prescription Fairy was off duty.

Red Nose anyone?

Life is a book and there are a thousand pages I have not yet read.                                                                                                                  – Cassandra Clare

My youngest daughter is fifteen and just had her very first blind date.  Why am I blogging about such an event? Moreover, why am I so calm? She IS only fifteen.

Well, to be perfectly honest, she has literary-ly been dating for years.

Fictional characters, that is.  William “Will” Herondale from Cassandra Clare’s The Shadowhunters series was her first ‘book boyfriend’. Oh, and the blind date?  It’s with a paperback.  So, that potential parental crisis was resolved even before it began. (sigh of relief)

a different kind of … blind date

This is my reader.  The one who sports graphic t-shirts with such phrases as Mentally dating a fictional character  and  the definition of a Book Hangover.  Any potential non-fictional boyfriend could never measure up to these beautifully written characters she so willingly angsts over.  Trust me, it’s a good thing. Each character is quite the proverbial train wreck.  Poor Mr. Herondale is the quintessential conductor. My daughter would never mess with shit like that in real life.  I’m confident she will be quite discerning when it comes to actual dating. (even bigger sigh of relief)

One must always be careful of books.
– Cassandra Clare

Back to this Blind Date with a Book idea.  I think it’s way fun.

• book dating is less stressful than the ‘blind’ version.  Though emotional connections to fictional characters can cause lasting impressions.  As a parent, books are definitely preferred – for now, at least.
• stop reading if you’re disappointed.  On a real date, you at least have to make it through the appetizer course before bailing.
• inexpensive – this particular ‘date’ was a BONUS deal  leftover from Valentine’s Day.  Nowadays, separate checks are becoming the accepted protocol in certain dating situations – that can get expensive.
• you can request a ‘second date’ in either scenario.
• No awkwardness – chances of ‘bumping into’ a fictional character in a public place are slim if not none.

Her ‘blind date’ was a Harlequin Romance.  Even though she is not a fan of the genre, she will probably read it in one evening, enjoying the entire meal. She may even have tea.  Then, she will cast it aside, waiting for the next ‘boy’ to come along.  Oh, the drama!

Never trust a duck.                                                                                                                                                                                                      – Will Herondale

It’s been  almost 2 years since I posted about my hair raising experience when ‘Barber Fred’ had surgery. In that time, I’ve gone through my share of wanna be coiffure creators. More recently, I’ve even decided to let the ‘fro grow. For the record,  I’m still friends with Jake the bald butcher. Yet, I rarely ask him for advice. Remember, he’s bald. Though, he did recommend a very nice, affordable fish selection last week – Canadian Red Fish.  It was quite good.

Fred’s final farewell

When Fred returned from his medical leave, he changed – he got pissy.  Can you believe he was mad I found a substitute barber in his absence? As if the whole experience wasn’t hair-iffing enough. After that, I was done with Fred. I’m already surrounded by pissy people in several aspects of my life. Why willingly add another? A haircut is a cathartic experience to be enjoyed.  To piss on that is just wrong.

Thankfully, I found  ‘Barber Jeff’ – a basic dude that, like Fred, knows his hair. Interesting fact: Jeff actually cuts my hair the way I ask.  Odd concept, eh? He also encouraged my growth.  I’m talkin’ hair growth, okay. Personal growth is highly overrated.  Something, that just doesn’t work for me.

 Taming of the … mane

At 52, I have a thick, unruly head of hair.  I’m grateful every day for the familial good hair gene. However, with my recent decision, my mane remains untamed. Barber Jeff does NOT believe in thinning shears either. Once, he attempted to explain his reasoning. I stopped him before he even started.  I don’t care that much. For me, though, it’s a problem.  I really don’t want to spend time ‘styling’ my hair. Contrary to what some may think, I’m not that high-maintenance. Therefore, I must deal with my do.

• baseball caps work great – the IOWA hat is my favorite, of course. I also have a SKI Hawaii hat. Where does one ski in Hawaii? I have no idea.  I just liked the hat.
• I finally bought a  comb AND a brush. The instruction manual needed to be downloaded, though. (Pause)
• I cannot do any hair products that are scented.  So, this limits product availability.  And, if there is a hold scale, I need  it firm and strong, baby.  Hmm… .  That’s sounded … questionable.
• Jeff recommended hair oil. I’m still getting used to it, but it’s very cool.
• I will never, ever, sport the man bun. I hate those fucking things.  Besides, my hair really doesn’t grow ‘long’, per say.  It defies gravity, growing every which way but down.  Think Whoopie Goldberg hair in the humidity  of Mid-August. On a white male.

parting thought

Considering that my kids  are the pulse of what is hip and trendy, they are hesitant to encourage my new look.  So, who knows.  My hair today could very well be gone tomorrow.

Here I Go Again

Don’t worry, this post has nothing to do with the Academy Award winning movie The Shape of Water.  Rewording the title totally worked for this entry, though.  I chose Easter candy because the celebration is, like, next week and I needed to get my annual fix.  Throwing shade at retail commercialization of holidays is quite fun.

let’s hop to it

A friend of mine started as a technician, went to pharmacy school, then climbed the store ladder to become management. For the record, I tried to talk him out of every career advancement.  He didn’t listen.  No one ever does. And, yes, we are still friends.  He’s a good guy.  Eventually, he grew weary of the retail side and decided to become a corporate suit.  Unfortunately, that ‘suit’ didn’t really fit either.  Why doesn’t anyone ever listen to me?  Fortunately, he is quite motivated and more resourceful than me, so everything worked in his favor.

Once I asked him if there was anything he missed about working retail.  He thought for a moment, then responded, “holiday shaped candy.”  Sounds funny coming from a grown man, but we all have our indulgences.  When working retail pharmacy, it’s the little things in life, or the promotional aisle in this case,  that get you through long ass days. If an egg-shaped Snickers bar makes you happy – go for it!

eggistentially shaped 

Every holiday has it shapes – some scarier and more questionable than others, of course.  I’m pretty basic – Santa and snowman shaped chocolates for Christmas stockings, hearts for Valentine’s Day, and egg shaped Easter chocolates.  Once I indulged in green-sprinkled, shamrock shaped butter cookies.  Those were from a bakery and don’t count. To be perfectly honest, I have issues with chocolate bunnies. (Pause) Let me rephrase that.  My children dislike bunny shaped chocolates because the ears break off too easily.

confectioner peer pressure

Let’s face it – every candy company ‘shaped up’, realizing that fun packaging made it into Easter baskets.  In my opinion, there is too much fake peanut butter in the Reese’s egg.  It’s all about the ratio, man.  Snickers eggs just taste different. And, I prefer Milky Way Dark eggs over Milk Chocolate for some reason. Don’t ask me why. Thankfully, none of these manufacturers hopped on the ‘bunny’ bandwagon. (pun intended).  Or ducks for that matter.

the bunny laid that egg

A friend from college loved Cadbury eggs. Gross. I just can’t do that creamy, liquid center thing – sounds and looks absolutely disgusting.  Besides, the thought of that much the sugar in one treat is … gross.

my peeps love Peeps

When I was young, marshmallow Peeps where the family bomb.  It was our Easter basket staple.  Peeps could do any damn shape they wanted as far as my family was concerned.  Peeps did bunnies good.  I think they even did ducks. (Pause)

Well, I think my rant is over.  Whether it’s done or not, it should be over.  I was pausing way too much.

Jelly Bird Eggs anyone?