Adam Thomas, RPH

First, yes, this post is about time.  More importantly, time pieces aka the watch.  Secondly, since this post is about time and the post title is Time After Time,  I was compelled to include the video link for the song.  Though you may not be compelled to watch it. I started, then … stopped.  While I do love the album, well, because She IS So Unusual,  watching the dated video was somewhat unsettling.  You see,  that’s the way the majority of the trashy, female pharmacy customers look TODAY.  So you can see why I  experienced a little PTWD – Post Traumatic Work Disorder.  Still, some readers may enjoy the eighties flashback.  And, hair.  And, pajama pant outfits.  And, … .  So I will accommodate accordingly.

As penance –  the Hootie link.  I feel much better and truer to my vision for the post.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFLysouG86I   (Time by Hootie and the Blowfish)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdQY7BusJNU   (Time After Time by Cyndi Lauper)

I have a ‘vanities’ file filled with ads torn from magazines of items I really want.  (insert heavy sigh).  If I had shitloads of disposable cash there would be no file -just lots of … watches  and sunglasses.  Tagheuer makes both by the way.  Oddly enough, I’ve never been a watch person; rarely wear the watch ( a classic Movado) I own.  Still, I love watches.  Go figure.

Recently, I was in Detroit for a hockey tournament and mention of touring the Shinola factory was proposed.  Although the excursion never happened,  I realized this company is awesome.  Not only are the watches handmade  in the U.S.A., they are handmade here in Michigan.  Even cooler.  Shinoa makes bikes and leather goods, too.

 The antiquated idiom “You don’t know shit from Shinola” originated during WWII and referred to the American-made Shinola brand shoe polish (the implication being that a person is too stupid to know the difference between shoe polish and feces).

The original Shinola shoe polish is no longer made, but that doesn’t mean the brand is dead. In 2012 the brand was resuscitated under new ownership. Tom Kartsotis, the formerly retired founder of Fossil (you know, that other watchmaker), established Shinola with the intention of bringing quality hand-crafted watch manufacturing back to America, and based it in Detroit – the heart of American manufacturing.

Apparently Mr. Kartsotis was told that he ‘didn’t know shit from Shinola’ , thinking a watch factory would make it in Detroit.  Well, I’m thinking he knew the difference AND the person who said that to Kartsotis is now eating the ‘shit’.

http://www.shinola.com/our-story/about-shinola

Well, that’s about it. Don’t have too much more to write about time except that it’s probably time to end this post.  Do check out that Shinola link.  It’s inspiring.  Oh, one last question regarding time before I close.

Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STS-sZIdhkw

I was going to introduce this clip with another – a woman walks up to the consultation counter – joke/anecdote.  This customer wanted to make sure her mediation side effects wouldn’t be the blame for her ‘agitation’ when her son came into town for Thanksgiving.  Hmm… .

Then I realized that was sufficient.  Besides, this SNL skit  needs no further introduction.

“Hello”  and Happy Thanksgiving.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2zyjbH9zzA

Background:

• centuries ago Peruvian fisherman notice this ‘periodic warming’ around Christmas, naming the phenomenon “little boy” in honor of the baby Jesus
• meteorologically it’s referred to as El Nino Southern Oscillation
• every 2 to 7 years, the waters in the equatorial Pacific between Peru and new Guinea warm and change the weather pattern for North America
• the rise in sea-surface temperature dictates the strength of the system – 3.6 degrees ABOVE Fahrenheit is “very strong”
• 1982-1983 and 1997-1998 have been the strongest recorded
• Currently, the oceanic temperature readings for summer/fall 2015 are MORE than 3.6 above average
•  Godzilla El Nino is coming!

What it all means:

I have no fucking clue.  Moreover, neither does anyone else – especially the meteorologists.  From what I’ve read, even the slightest shift in the Jet Stream can be impactful. To be truthful, the information above was from SKI MAGAZINE  of all places.  Paul Tolme  simplified all the meteorological mumbo jumbo , putting El Nino in terms I understand and can relate too.  Like which resort will have the best conditions this season.  While the jury is still out on my participation in the coveted annual ski trip, the weather here in Northern Michigan can be daunting.   Since my daughter plays travel hockey, a drier, warmer winter would be welcome.

the Weather Channel:

I am a Local on the 8’s junkie.  Really, we only check it during breakfast to plan the day.  However, when the WWA (Winter Weather Advisories) start, we check it a bit more frequently.  Other than that, I’m not a fan of the channel.  I used to be years ago when Marshall Seese and Heather Tesch anchored the morning hours.  Now the attempt to be ‘a morning show’ versus a weather channel is just stupid.  Also, that Sam Champion is a bit much at 7am.  And, those ‘signature’ gym shoes … .  He needs to sign off on that fashion faux pas.

Just a few more random thoughts on TWC:

• Jim Cantore is a total boss when it comes to the weather
• Paul Goodloe, Mike Bettes, Jen Carfagno  are some of my favorite Weather Channel personalities.
• never watched any of the ‘Weather Channel original series’ shows  –  it’s a weather channel.  Report the weather and call it a day.
• Did I mention, Sam Champion needs to reconsider his shoe choice?
• Marshall Seese used to coordinate his tie with the color scheme of Heather Tesch’s wardrobe.  It was a nice, subtle detail.

 SNL link from 1997 El Nino skit:

https://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/el-nino/2861308

Godzilla El Nino is coming.

Whether we like it or not.

Whether the weather be cold or whether the weather be hot,
we’ll weather the weather whatever the weather ,
whether we like it  or not.

Condition –

            Resting Bitch Face (RBF) –

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3v98CPXNiSk&feature=youtu.be

a person, usually a girl, who naturally looks mean when her face is expressionless, without meaning to.

“Nah, she’s just got a resting bitch face, she’s actually really sweet.”

… I believe it came to popular usage around the same time Kristen Stewart rose to fame. Stewart, along with Victoria Beckham, Megan Fox, and Renée Zellwegger among others, is a classic example of BRF with her glazed eyes, stern brows, and hardly-there smirk.

Topic Overview –

While I ain’t no one’s ‘Bitch’ by any means, my ‘Resting Face’  has … similarly  unattractive qualities.  Prickish asshole sums it up quite well.  Not really the most approachable face for the most trusted profession, eh? Once a customer actually told me that my  “… eyes were blood shot and (I) needed to shave. (I looked)  like my dog just died.”  Unfortunately for him, I looked better that day than he-will-ever-look on his best day.  Who says that to somebody?   Regardless, I think it’s something I need to work on.  Or at least change up this ‘face’ a bit so it’s less asshole more smolderingly sexy. That’s possible.  Right? Probs not.

In conversation, I’ve  polled friends and co-workers for a  male version/term of RBF. However, the few suggestions offered paled in desired impact.   Nothing had the cohesive sounding flow as the female counterpart.  Think about it.  Resting Bitch Face just has a nice ring to it.  So women get to keep RBF for themselves while we men remain assholes, douchebags, and pricks.  Could be worse, I guess.

Causes –

For me, it’s definitely an occupational hazard.  Working 25 years in retail really zaps that zip from your do-da.  Believe it or not I was a nice guy before retail.  I’ve had conversations with some friends who have actually gotten out and decompressed.  Ya know, be able to go out in public and interact appropriately without developing some nervous twitch.  I’m told it’s possible.  Sadly, decompression time is exponential to the time served. If that’s the case, than I’m fucked.

Treatment options –

• Laughter  – even though my 14 day window has come and gone.  I can still laugh.  Or try to.   ( knock, knock 10-08-2015)
• Letting the color flow, of course. While the trending coloring books are chick-lit, I may have to pay a visit to the dollar store to pick up an old fashioned, less complex version. (the ADULT coloring book 10-25-2015)
• For me, the treatment of choice is a two week notice. (two week notice 09-15-2015)

References –

http://www.elle.com/culture/news/a15323/resting-bitch-face-syndrome/

Urban Dictionary

‘Rosie’ library staff at neighborhood branch

Observational / previously published data tabulated by the author of this post.

*Note: www.ASKrandomnonsense.com  is NOT an actual site

Haven’t had an ‘Ode’* in awhile.  Regardless, if anyone deserves an ‘Ode’ it is Mr. John Grisham.  He IS the pop star of the written word.  Other authors have written equal if not more than 28 novels like Mr. Grisham – Dean Koontz, Steven King, Nora Roberts.  But few have the T. Swift mass market appeal and Madonna longevity.   J. Gri is the man with da’ word; the legal word to be exact.

Entertainment Weekly recently published a ‘cheeky book questionnaire’ completed by John Grisham to celebrate the release of his latest legal thriller  Rouge  Lawyer.   The dude even has a witty sense of humor.  I hate him.  Of course I don’t. I’m just jealous.

http://www.ew.com/article/2015/10/28/john-grisham-books-my-life

Here are some highlights from that  questionnaire and Random Nonsense from me.

• The Firm was my first hard cover Grisham novel I purchased.  It was an amazing thriller.  Wasn’t a big fan of the movie, but I love Holly Hunter.  So it wasn’t all bad.
• Presumed  Innocent  by Scott Turow motivated Grisham to complete  A  Time  to  Kill.
• I have a Barnes and Noble mug that has John Grisham’s mug on it.  I really don’t use it.  The gold rim leaves a nasty aftertaste.  Really I just bought it as motivation, hoping I, too,  will have my own mug someday.   Only mine won’t have a gold rim.
• Of the non-legal type – one Christmas , a few baseball, and some other random topics,  The  Painted  House  is the only one I’ve read.  Not a big sports book reader – even if it is fiction.
• Theodore Boone – Kid lawyer was/is a great teen series.  Appealing for both young and old readers.  My mother gave it to my children, but it ended up on my bookshelf – wonderful, yet simple.  Besides it was entertaining research for my next project.   Hmm … .
• John Le Carre  is referenced as a go to book for Mr. Grisham.  This would be where we disagree.  The Le Carre  book I read made me angry.  Maybe  The  Little  Drummer  Girl  is better choice.  I may have to trust Grisham on this one.  But I don’t know. I’m still a bit angry about how the book I read ended.
• The Partner is my favorite Grisham go-to read.  Probably read that story five times.
• I, too, have pretended to read numerous books.  Faulkner isn’t one of them.  I just never read him.
• There’s a great ‘cheeky‘ blurb about how J.G. had to go into a book store to purchase his own book for some reason.  He paid with a credit card.  The clerk never said a word and  ‘never looked up’.   Ah, customer service at it’s finest, eh?

When Entertainment Weekly asks ME to complete a  ‘cheeky book questionnaire’ ,  I will be honored.  I will totally rock it.  While I’m drinking coffee out of a Barnes and Noble mug with MY mug on it, of course. Then the only aftertaste will be that of perfectly sweet success!

*Because this is a literary based post about a literary ‘rock star’ I need to qualify one thing.  An ‘Ode’ is technically a ’emotionally enthusiastic poem’.  I’m not a poet, okay.  But I like the word ‘Ode’ and the ‘Ode’ posts are usually emotionally enthusiastic.  So … ‘Ode’ this!

First things – mind out of the gutter, people.  This relatively new craze is all about serenity and stress relief not Jenna Jameson’s new film.  Since the majority of the coloring books have drawings like the previous post, the female gender IS the target audience. So the gutter is safe.  Besides, who else would color tea cakes?  Though there was a coloring/activity book ( BadASS Buttocks) with some 38  bare butt cartoons. The objective was to color/create underwear for those ‘fannies’.  Really didn’t care to research that book any further.  Butt, I will say, none of those drawings resembled Ms Jameson’s derriere.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/13/coloring-for-stress_n_5975832.html

According to the article link, the adult coloring book is supposed to “… let the color and the lines flow.” Apparently, your stress is supposed to ‘flow’ away too.  Well, isn’t that special. (sarcastic tone implied).  Not if all the drawings to color are similar to that in the previous post from SECRET PARIS  Color Your Way to Calm  by  Zoe De Las Cases they won’t.  That’s some pretty detailed artwork.  And that was the least intricate offering.  That type-A female personality will surely experience panic attacks attempting to finish this calming activity in the allotted I – Phone next generation scheduled timeframe.  Throw in the 152 crayon choices and  Xanax will no longer be reserved for gay summer weddings.

I’m kidding, okay.  But there is some validity in what I presented.

Now for some Random Nonsense on this waxing topic:

• Crayola is my crayon of choice.  Rose Art is a cheap imitation in my opinion.  Once I snatched a four pack of triangular-shaped crayons – CrayAngle from Classy Kid, Inc. –  from a restaurant .  Way cool.  However,they remain untouched in the box.  I suck at folding maps, so removing the crayons from the box is probably a bad idea for me.
• No BadASS  Buttocks about it, I’m a COLORING BOOK snob.  None of this activity/coloring book shit.
• I have a completion issue.  I will not leave a picture unfinished.  Usually I assess the time I have and chose the picture to color accordingly.
• In the film  The  Last  Holiday ,  L.L. Cool chases after his love interest, Queen Latifah, who jetted to Prague.  Unfortunately, Mr. Cool’s character was NOT cool on flying.  The passenger next to him – a child – sensed his apprehension, offering his coloring book and crayons as distraction.  It worked.  Of course it worked.  Its’ a Romantic Comedy.
• As with the texting thing (ADM THMS July 15, 2015), I started this craze long ago.  In high school and college, a coloring book and crayons was always within reach.  I’m sensing a pattern here.  If only I can cash in on these ideas of mine BEFORE they become ‘the next craze’.  I’m trying with this Fictionalized Memoir stuff, but … .  I could use a little help.

Well, there you have it.  I could continue, butt Jenna Jameson, I mean,  SECRET PARIS is, ah, waiting.

I need to … flow.

I finally unpacked the Halloween decorations and started the festive makeover process.  I’m quite late this year; actually have been for the past few years.  As the kids grow, the urgency to decorate the house for every season/ holiday kinda falls to the way side.  It’s sad though.   Decorating breathes new life into the house, making it fun.  You know – shake up that daily routine a bit.  I really don’t miss those damn window cling leaves.

Halloween has really come a long was since I was a child.  Unfortunately with that, the retail powers that be have attempted to make changes to the standards that have been around for decades.  Case in point, the decision to include  purple as an alternative to the traditional black and orange.  Purple?  Why the hell would purple be the chosen color?  It doesn’t even have anything to do with autumn.  Who knows. Frankly, who cares? Black and orange probably offended some demographic minority somewhere somehow.  People are such whiny pansies now days.  Boo-fucking-who.  Deal with it.  I’m a traditional black and orange dude myself.  But enough of this purple shit – next Halloween topic.

A few years back, being “Ghosted” was the ‘in’ thing.  It’s like ding-dong-ditch without the angry, ‘damn kids’ neighbor backlash.

http://www.ghost-a-house.com/

If you are looking for a fun way to get in the Halloween spirit, start the You’ve Been Ghosted game in your neighborhood. In the game, one person secretly tapes a picture of a ghost on the doors of two neighbors. The person also leaves a bag of candy and a note with instructions. The note says to leave candy and a ghost for two people within two days. The picture of a ghost shows everyone whose house has already been ghosted. If everyone plays along, the neighborhood is full of ghosts within a short time

Lastly, my favorite Halloween costume memory – a college friend and I decided to be each other for a Halloween party.  I totally rocked it.  My friend, who was me, of course, didn’t.  I AM a hard one to duplicate.  This is probably a good thing.  Still, no one can pull off being me better than …me.  I had the easy costume/personality to mimic  -small town Iowa – double Engineering major – farm boy.  All I had to wear was jeans, a flannel, work glove, and a olive ‘slicker’ and I was good.  The hardest part was the nerdy engineer persona.  I was a pharmacy major, so I was kinda half-way there.  It didn’t matter though.  After everyone started drinking, no one really cared.  But it was way fun.

Well, that’s my trick-or-treat take on the first of the many holidays this time of year.   Happy Fall!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_Nzw2Z3YDA

By the way, my mother-in-law makes the best pumpkin pie I have ever had.

You may laugh more in the next fourteen days than you have during any comparable fourteen -day period since you were five years old.  At least I hope you will.  It will be the best possible tonic for your physical and mental health.  Even more than usual, laughter has the power to heal your wounds, alert you to secrets hiding in plain sight, and awaken your dormant potentials.  Luckily, I suspect that life will conspire to bring about this happy development.  A steady stream of antics and whimsies and amusing paradoxes is headed your way.  Be alert for opportunities.

That was my horoscope for the week of Sept 21 – Sept 27.  The dude who penned the above prediction, Rob Brezsny, is quite … different in his weekly offerings.  To be perfectly honest, I enjoy his odd, yet often profound insights.  Yes, it’s still reading a horoscope, I get that.  But when the observation provided is presented as such, I’m gonna stop and … laugh a bit.  Mr. Brezsny is correct – I do need to laugh more.

Unfortunately during this fourteen day stretch, I failed.  Don’t get me wrong, I had my share of ‘life conspiracies’ and ‘amusing paradoxes’.  And, yes I did chuckle at the irony.  But saying I laughed more than when I was five would be slightly incorrect.  I’m not sure I remember five that well.  Be that as it may, I tried though.  Really.  However, retail pharmacy kinda numbs the ability to laugh outwardly at ‘antics’ and ‘whimsies’.  If I laughed, I would probably be fired.  Hmmm … .  Tempting, but not wise at this time.

Example:

(By the way, this is better than a ‘a man walks into a bar’ joke.)

A woman walked up to the consultation window.

“May I help you,” I asked as politely as humanly possible.

“Yes, I have a sick chicken,” she responded gravely, then continued.  “And, I need a lubricant so I can cath  my chicken.”

Since I have never had to catheterize a chicken before, I knew little about this topic.  However, being the staunch professional I am, I instructed her that “all available  lubricants are down aisle 5.”

She thanked me and was on her way.

Yes, once she left I tried to enjoy the moment, but there were three other people in line that were irritated that she even asked a question, regardless of its content.  Come on, “I have a sick chicken???”  That’s some funny shit, man.  BUT I COULDN’T LAUGH!  See the dilemma here?  Furthermore, trying to laugh about the ‘silly woman and her damn chicken’ two hours later is pointless.  Don’t even get me started on my futile attempts to recreate the scenario for co-workers and a possible stand-up routine.  Three words – lost in translation.

So, what do I do?

I’m still trying to figure that out.    In the mean time, if you know any good knock, knock jokes send ’em my way.  Remember, I need to be ‘alert for opportunities’.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1d7vrmeF-nY