Adam Thomas, RPH

Well, it’s official.  I’ve been spouting words of Random Nonsense for a year now.  Hope it hasn’t been too painful for those of you who have followed.  For me, it’s been great; a cathartic way to rant AND write at the same time.

Some dates that marked the way –

July 3, July 6, or July 7, 2012 was when my book  My  Life  As A  Retail  Pharmacist – A  Fictionalized  Memoir  went live on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.  It was launched on July 3 but wasn’t available until July 6 or something like that.  I really don’t care the exact date.  I just want people to buy (read)  the damn thing.  Here’s the reminder if you haven’t done so already.  Click that book cover icon in the upper right hand corner.

July 14, 2012 was the first post I actually kept.  Since I didn’t have a theme or know what the hell I was doing, I was using the blog more like a website.  I would alternate between the cover of the book and the one page synopsis.  Every now and then I would throw a book excerpt in there to liven things up.  What I found was that the excerpts created  great blog topics.  Imagine that!?

August 24, 2012 was my first random, burning question.  YES, it’s fitting that the previous post was a question.  NO, the questions haven’t gotten any more intelligent over the past year.

September 7, 2012 Random Nonsense was coined.  It was then I decided on a theme, but to this day I still don’t know what the hell I’m doing.

Finally on January 11, 2013 I became New and Improved.  Not really.  I just switched processors.  From what I’ve read, all the famous people use Tumblr.  – Beyoncé, Ireland Baldwin and countless others.  Apparently, I’m still in their data base as active because I received congratulations and a picture of a cupcake for my anniversary.  But I’m still happy here.  It’s more manageable for a non-computer geek like me. Though, I think I need another makeover soon.  We’ll see where that goes.  I’ve been trying to add a ‘Reviews’ tab for some time now and that hasn’t worked.  And let’s not even bring up that cutting and pasting stars from the reviews.  As for that cupcake … .

I’m working on a ‘best of’ post to accompany this, but that will take some time, of course.  I remember what I’ve written.  However going back and re-reading what I’ve written  – that’s another story.

Haven’t had one of these in a while.  I actually thought of this one late last summer, but better ideas came up.  By the time I actually wanted to post it, the season was over.  And, considering I just reread what I’ve written so far, maybe it should remain unposted.  But, here it is anyway.

I was watching the movie  Tangled  a few nights back with my daughter.  Personally, I love the movie.  Though I am a sucker for the majority of those Disney flicks.  I even saw this one in the theater IN 3D.  I’m usually too cheap for 3D and the glasses really stress my eyes, but my daughter asked nicely.  What is a dad to do?

There’s a climactic scene* when the evening sky is filled with floating lanterns, the cheesy love song is performed, and everything is right in animated land.  Then, shit happens, the lanterns disappear and everything just falls apart.  Yes, the main characters live happily ever after.  It’s Disney AND animated – of course they do.  But, real life isn’t Disney OR animated.  Shit really happens.   So, who cleans up the mess?  I mean the lantern mess.  What happens when the lanterns drift away and the oohs and aahs  are done?

So, I did some investigating.  Here’s what I found.

What is a Sky Lantern?
Sky Lanterns, also known as Wish Lanterns and Konming Lanterns, can be thought of as a miniature hot-air balloons that can launched in your back yard for a special event or occasion.

100% Biodegradable, 100% Flame-Resistant Paper, Fully Assembled, Non-Hazardous, Guaranteed to Fly

The lantern itself is made of lightweight biodegradable tissue paper on a bamboo frame with a small wax fuel cell suspended in the middle. Just light the wax fuel cell and the lantern fills with hot air, causing it to rise gently into the night sky.

Of course there was nothing on any of the websites defining the length of time the proposed biodegradability actually takes.   In this world of eco-consciousness, it really does matter, doesn’t it? If it’s Flame -Resistant that means it’s not going to completely disintegrate, correct?

Hmmm… . Oh well.  Leave it to me to burst THAT balloon or lantern in this case.  Wait, these are guaranteed to fly.

Remember this blog IS Random Nonsense.

Still, I didn’t feel this was complete without the climactic scene included; cheesy love song and all.

*http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hl4QPh0pmXE

When you do something creative, you open yourself up to absolutely, positively every type of criticism known.  Such is the nature of the Beast.  Through the years, I’ve accepted rejection and pushed on.  Though sometimes it was harder than others, wallowing in self-pity is not all it’s cracked up to be.

Asking people to read a novel is quite an undertaking.  Let me just say a thanks to all who have read or intend to read   My Life As A Retail  Pharmacist – A  Fictionalized  Memoir .  Listening to a new song, critiquing artwork, or visual entertainment is almost instantaneous.  You form a immediate opinion.  Reading takes time.  So I wanted to make sure I expressed my gratitude.  Hope it was time well spent for all.

So after you receive enough rejects to wallpaper your house, you self-publish.  Pretend you hear lots of imaginary fireworks exploding.  The dream becomes a reality.  Then your first sale.  It’s all good.  I have Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP) on my favorites and click on it to see the Reports of books sold, borrowed, and, yes, even REFUNDED.  Since that word is in capital letter,s you can only imagine where this is going.

Yes, I experienced my first REFUND.  Talk about the cluster fuck of self-pity.  Wow! It sucks.  When you receive a form rejection letter from an agent, publisher, or some other schmo you thought, hoped, and prayed might help you advance in some way, however small that may be, it’s hard.  Sometimes,  you actually READ the rejection and come to find out the letter doesn’t even correspond to the submitted piece.  Then, you just light that fuckin’ piece of paper on fire and watch that baby burn, realizing the person who sent the reject was a complete moron.  But, this.  Did I say it sucks?!

In my dismay, I read the reasons KDP may allow refunds.  And with a few frantic e-mails to ‘contact us with questions’ I was somewhat – but not much – comforted to learn that refunds are usually offered for clarity issues, wrongful purchases, and the dreaded ‘circumstances that are deemed necessary’ or something to that nature.  Okay, I’ve worked retail long enough to know that means a pissed off, unhappy customer.  So, I’m just banking on the fact that since the refund was within a close time frame to a purchase, I was the wrongful purchase or clarity issue.  Don’t judge my coping technique, okay.

Then I went to the KDP Community.  A bitch fest for all us self-published writers that are experiencing the same thing.  Here, I was comforted.  Especially when I read a New Thread Post from an author that ‘decided’ she liked refunds because “refunds were better than a 1 star review”.*

Those positive-thinking people are good for something, eh?

*she wasn’t able to get her star to paste either

That last post was way too serious.  So, I figured a little funny was in order.  Besides, I’m out of town at a graduation party and I ain’t got nothin’ else.

Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dd7FixvoKBw

So here it is.  The post I eluded to in ‘catching shit’ .

Believe it or not, I just finished the book  MEN ARE FROM MARS, Women Are from Venus   by John Gray.  By the way, that is exactly how the title is presented on the cover.  I’m thinkin’ there’s something subliminal behind that, but … .  Let’s come back to that.

I’ve often thought of myself as a good communicator.  As you gathered from this blog, I usually speak my mind AND listen to what others have to say.  Lately though, I feel I have faltered.  I needed help.  Many have referred to this Mars/Venus scenario; especially women.  Come to think of it – only women.  Besides, the book sold a gazillion copies so I figured maybe… give it a try?

Bad decision – Good blog material.

What a bunch of shit.  Yes, I know (and I am reminded on a daily basis) that men and women communicate differently.  But for women to look to this book for the answers?  It almost insults their intelligence.  I had good intentions on reading the entire book, but realized that after only a few chapters that WAS NOT POSSIBLE.  So, I skimmed the subjects presented in each chapter and read what I could.  But I did take notes.  For the sake of keeping this post as tightly worded as possible, I will present only a few and keep my comments to a minimum.  Unfortunately for you all,  that will be hard.

– the constant reference to Martians(men) and Venusians(women) was unbearable.  There was even a Martian/Venusian Dictionary and a Martian/Venusian  Phrase Dictionary.  One dictionary wasn’t enough?

– Men are like rubber bands ;  women are like waves.   Anyone?

– Why women don’t ask, Why women panic  and, of course, How men are confused.  Why wouldn’t men be confused if women panic and never ask?

– Then there was this whole ‘cave’ concept explaining how men withdraw into ‘the cave’ to cope, think, … .  The ‘How to support a man in his cave’ section strongly urged women to wait patiently, providing a list of things to do while the man was in the cave.  Furthermore, the author strongly urged women NEVER to go into a man’s cave or “you will be burned by the dragon”.   Yes, this book is ‘dated’ amongst other things, but urging women to read a book or paint their nails until a man came out is insulting, maybe even infuriating, to say the least.  And that’s comin’ from a dude IN THE CAVE!  This is also a good time to bring up how the title was typeset.  No women’s group had a problem with that? This was a huge bestseller remember.  If women want men to relate, give us some good material to work with.  None of this Martian/Venusian Dictionary shit.  To be quite frank,  if the ‘real dragon’ was allowed to come out a bit more, men would definitely listen.  Well, at least until we fell asleep.  AND there would be less secret reasons to argue – yes that was another sub-chapter.

– There are more; many, many more.  But I am done.  Remember I wanted to keep it tight. I will, however, leave you with what I consider the fundamental evil of all Martian/Venusian communication.

To fully express their feelings, women assume poetic license to use various superlatives, metaphors, and generalizations.

Which single-handedly explains why –  Men respond like this (another sub-chapter) .

Though I must say, knowing this communication technique explains a lot.

Working retail for so long has aged and jaded me.  My toleration for the general public is virtually nonexistent.  And, rightfully so.  People are pain in the ass.

Take this past weekend for example.  My daughter had her yearly dance recital.  A staged event to showcase the work each dancer has done throughout the past year.  All attention is supposed to be on them.  Not the fucking bitch changing seats after every number to entertain her two year old that is ‘just so cute’ dancing in the aisle. Or the several people who have no idea what the words – please don’t leave the theater unless it’s an extreme emergency – mean.   There was actually one woman who went on stage after a number.  I’m not privy to the specifics of said situation, but I’m certain the success of the show teetered on her intervention.

I’m sure everyone has been there – the stage mom, the t-ball dad, the perfect couple that insist Johnny is the next ‘big thing’, etc.   They make reality shows about these idiots.  Unfortunately, people watch.

Oh well.   I’m just thankful for this – my writing; this blog, my next project.  By the way, there is a next project.  I just have to get this current project a bit more exposure.  Remember just click that book cover icon.  Then there’s reading, of course.  Neither can be influenced by any one else unless allowed.

So, read on!

P.S.  I raspberried the bitch.  And, to be perfectly honest, her kid really wasn’t that cute.

Memorial Day always make me think of a friend of mine – for the sake of this post, let’s just call him Paul.  His birthday always falls within a few days of the holiday.  And there was always some celebration of that day in one way or another.
Back in my college days, road tripping for no apparent reason was just the thing to do.  Besides, it was way fun.  Since The University of Iowa was conveniently located on Interstate-80, road tripping was beyond easy.  Now I live in Traverse City, MI.  Nothing from here is either convenient OR easy.

Back to Paul’s birthday.

My roommates and I decided to travel to Omaha for some silly, yet extremely important excuse for a road trip over the long weekend.  As we were approaching Des Moines,  IA on our return to Iowa City, the idea of crashing Paul’s house for his birthday celebration just had to be done.  No, Paul was not having a ‘birthday party’ by any means.  It was his birthday and his mother was making cake.  We were in college.  There was cake.  You can see why this was a needed stop.

Before I continue, I need to explain Paul.  He’s a lawyer.  An outwardly calm, reserved person that is amazingly unselfish in all aspects f his life.   He does, however, take communicating seriously, asking direct questions and actively listening.  Remember he is a lawyer.  Taken out of context, an innocent bystander might view any interaction with Paul in full attention to the conversation that has gone off course  as … hostile. But soon the laughter begins and it’s a fuckin’ free-for-all .

When the cake was finally served, I, of course, had a piece shoved in my mouth with another on fresh plate.  Paul approached with a gracious host smile and asked the infamous question.

“What kind of cake is it?”

“It’s good.  You should have some,”  was my immediate response.  I actually think I even raised the plate in his direction.

Immediately the gracious host smile galvanized.  He leaned forward with intent.

“I didn’t ask you how the cake was,” he insisted, rapping the fore side of his right hand fingers into his open left palm. “I asked you ‘what kind of cake it was’!”

“Lemon,” I responded.  “It’s good.  You should have some.”

There  was a moment of silence.

Then, Paul took the plate with the cake and starting eating.  The fuckin’ free-for-all of laughter ensued.

5.0 out of 5 stars *

More from this author please!
Excellent character development. I would like to hear more about
Adams life after because of the rich context and character interaction. This
book has humor, drama, close relationships and relatable experience that just
pulled out my own memories. This book is for everyone.

*Yes, I’m a computer putz. I tried numerous times to Copy/Paste the damn stars and it wouldn’t co-operate.  Maybe this planetary alignment Sunday will help, but I’m not holding my breath.  So just imagine five wonderful stars atop this review/post.  OR just click the book cover icon and see for yourself.  There really are five stars there.

A good friend of mine has three children.  I highlight this fact because the circumstances surrounding the children’s birth is fun and especially fitting for this time of year.  The Thomas twins were delivered at 9am on a Tuesday in June in a scheduled C-Section.  So, for me, this is awesome!

The first child, a son, was born on a Saturday the day before Mother’s Day at 1:44pm some sixteen years ago.

The second child, a daughter, was born on a Saturday the day before Mother’s Day at 8:44am three years later.

The third child, a daughter, was born on a Saturday at 12:44am at the end of March another three years later. But, believe it or not, it was the Saturday before ‘Mothering Day’ in England.

God really does have a sense of humor!

Happy Everything to everyone involved.