The fall television season is officially underway.  While I watch little prime-time shows, I’m interested in how one particular returning show will continue.  Revenge  follows a really hot chick hell bent on creating havoc in the lives of an aristocratic family that killed her father.  Season one was amazing, but then season two fell way short; borderline lame describes it best.  So I’m interested to see what happens this year.  The reason I reference the show is because each episode starts with a voice over.  The main character – the really hot chick – defines a word that ultimately describes what will happen in each episode.

So, that brings me to intend.  Or, better yet, my intentions for this post.

I am all about intention.  Tell me exactly what you want so I know what I’m up against. It’s really very simple.  Unfortunately as adults we complicate everything.

In day to day interactions, ‘intentions’  I mean true intentions, are very rarely vocalized.  People usually skate around topics, hinting at what each would like to happen rather than being straight-forward with their intentions.  Then, when neither is satisfied, disappointment often results.

I usually don’t have this problem.  Everyone knows my intentions.  The funny thing is that I’m often taken as being too direct because I actually vocalized what I want.  But I gotta’ tell ya’, if someone says to me, ” I don’t care what we do,” I am going to make the decision.  All I gotta’ say is that the other party better not get upset because, ya’ know, there was an out.

There is probably more to say about this as there was with the 121 TCE post.  I feel incomplete with what I have presented.  I originally intended to include a humorous anecdote to compliment my words, but … .  I ain’t got nothin’.*

But I will finish with this. The other day at work someone challenged me to ‘harass’ a fellow co-worker.  Mind you this was all in fun.  Each attempt, though,  was thwarted by my lack of anything funny to say.  When I was prompted to what was taking so long, I  recited each gag-line to evidence my short-coming.

“Of course they don’t sound funny,” the provocateur stated.  “You sound half dead.  Say it in a happy voice.  It’s sure to make a difference.”

So, I did as requested.  To me it still wasn’t funny.  But it gave me this idea – read the post in a happy voice.  Maybe then will my intention be complete.

*a direct quote from an ex-co-worker.  And, yes, she talked to customers that way.

About Kobo

Inspired by a “Read Freely” philosophy and a passion for innovation, Kobo is one of the world’s fastest-growing eReading services. Read Freely stems from Kobo’s belief that consumers should have the freedom to read any book, anytime, anyplace – and on any device. As a result, Kobo has attracted millions of readers from more than 190 countries and features one of the world’s largest eReading catalogues with over 3.5 million eBook, newspaper and magazine titles.

Founded in 2009, Kobo is owned by the Tokyo-based Rakuten, Japan’s largest eCommerce operator. Headquartered in Toronto our over 300 employees are proud of Kobo’s top-ranked eReading applications for the iPad, iPhone, Android, Windows and our own line of eReaders, including the award winning Kobo Touch and Kobo Vox.

As technology continues to push the envelope and break down geographic borders, Kobo believes that reading no longer has to be an isolated activity. We’re committed to making reading a more engaging social experience with such apps as Pulse and Reading Life, which let you share and celebrate every aspect of your reading life – from reviews and recommendations to trends and reading challenges.

So what does this really mean?

KOBO is some good shit, man.  A local book store is where I first heard of KOBO.  Yes, A LOCAL, INDEPENDENT BOOKSTORE.  The owner explained that KOBO was designed to keep booksellers stay in business.  Or at least offer way to compete with evolving technology.  If a consumer purchases an e-book on the independent bookstores KOBO tab, a portion of the proceeds goes directly to the that business.  That’s way, cool.  Below I’ve included the link for my book.  Since there are several independents here in Traverse, I’ve included the KOBO link to remain impartial.

http://store.kobobooks.com/en-US/ebook/my-life-as-a-retail-pharmacist-a-fictionalized-memoir

So, I’m thinkin’ I need another makeover to add the KOBO link in the book icon over there.  Considering my issue with copying/pasting those stars from the FIVE STAR REVIEWS I’ve received, I’ve decided to seek help.  More on that to come – Please be patient.  In the meantime, please KOBO nicely.

This is a  license plate number taken from a book I read a long time ago. The main character – a female – was being chased, followed or in some sort of peril and needed to remember the plate.  Considering her heightened state of anxiety, she decided an acronym would be the best recall method.  Totally Cease Expectation was chosen for the letters.  I have no idea what was used for 121, but that doesn’t matter.   By the way, she was on her way to a date.  So, I’m thinkin’ TCE was appropriate.

Or was it?

According to The Power of Positive Thinking  by Norman Vincent Peale – and every other positive thinking book out there –  you should always  Expect the Best and Get it – a chapter title.

So, what gives?

I’ll tell you – I have no clue.  Other than the fact that this is something I grapple with on a regular basis.  Basically, I consider myself a positive person. You know trying not to get too bogged down with the whole DG – daily grind.  And trying really, really hard to view that ‘glass as half-full’. Often my co-workers and friends disagree.  Maybe it’s my mumbling obscenities and grumbling unpleasentries.  I don’t know.  But, ya’ know, life is  messy. Sometimes that fucking glass is half-empty.  Remember I work customer service.  That alone could suck the zip out of any do-da-day.

Instead, I’ve decided that I am a realist.  I truly believe that both viewpoints are applicable, depending on the circumstances, of course.

When other people are involved, I expect absolutely nothing.  How can you? That has ‘fail’ written all over it.  Even when the task at hand is seemingly uncomplicated, I’m often  left scratching my head, mumbling, “how the hell did that happen?” And that’s with totally ceasing any expectations whatsoever.

As for myself, I always expect the best.  Getting it … , now that can be a work in progress.  But I keep trying.  I will be a New York Times Best Selling author soon.  This book of mine will rock the publishing world. ( Hint – Click the book cover icon in the upper right to buy the book if you haven’t already.) I just need to be patient.

great book August 27, 2013

Like most writers, I started with short stories.  Unlike most writers, that didn’t last too long.  I could never wrap my brain around a ‘shorter content’.  I always felt unfinished or it should be a part of something else.  One day, the idea for my first novel come to mind.  I knew how I wanted the story to begin and how I wanted it to end.  The rest, well let’s just say, I knew it would evolve.  And, it did.  By my thirteth birthday, I had a complete novel.  It was a present to myself.  Now, three novels and a complete screenplay later, the thought of short anything is not even comprehendable.

Recently something triggered the memory of a short stories I had written long ago.   It was about a father teaching his son to drive.  Oh, it was awful.  I tried so hard to parallel the ‘Rules of the Road’  to the ‘Road of Life’.  I failed miserably.  Blatantly obvious is the only way to describe my comparisons. Luckily the piece is either at the bottom of some drawer or  burned in a fit of desperation.

Now, the point of this back story –  my son is driving.

I’m certain those who have – been there, done that – remember the spectrum of emotion that accompanies such an event.  Although he was hesitant at first, the advantages of driving are becoming fast apparent.  Not as fast as his driving, though, but that’s another anxiety attack.

Last night my son was driving home and we stopped for gas.  I, of course, had to be the one to pump it.  I’m not ready to give up the credit card just yet.  I was also informed that the part about pumping gas is in segment 2 of  Driver’s training.  Funny, eh?

Across the way, a man was doing the same.  But what caught my eye was his adorable little girl sitting in the driver’s seat, pretending to drive.  The father didn’t realize the magnitude of the situation for me.  Hell, he probably wanted to be done faster, hoping that she didn’t hit some wrong button, activating something that no adult knew how to reverse.  I didn’t want to be done fast at all.  For one brief moment, I thought of doing the whole  – catching his attention, saying “before you know it … ,” then motion with my head to where my son was seated.

I didn’t.  I hate it when other’s do that to me.  Besides, this moment was all mine and I wanted to keep it that way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qf8OGLqE1s

So, I embellished a bit on the old Steve Martin – SNL catch phrase.  It’s him that this post is about, so I really didn’t think it was a big deal.  To leave the word talented out would be … wrong.  Besides, he just fathered a child at like, what, age 65.  So I’m thinkin’ he is still very wild. He has to be crazy for doing that at 65 but … . Back to the talented part.

I was watching Conan O’Brien last week and Steve Martin was the headliner with Edie Brickell .  I was never really an early Steve Martin fan. I even had to check to make sure that catch phrase was worded correctly and that it was him who coined it.   Not until the late eighties when he wrote the screenplay to Roxanne did I discover how diversely talented he actually was.  After that he did a few more screenplays, even penned a novella.

Anyway, he and the host did their witty banter routine and started talking about his latest album.  Yes, he’s musical, too.  The Jerk! That was a joke, by the way – remember a title to one of his movies.  Then I remembered he toured a few years back, mixing some bluegrass music into a comedy type routine.  I heard that was amazing.

Now, he is all music, strummin’ his banjo with Edie Brickell singin’ along.  Once again – The Jerk!  She sounds wonderful, of course.  The bluegrass, banjo twang was  a tad twangy  at first, but it grew on me.  I included the title track to the album below.  But  Friend of Mine  is truly my favorite track.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aAy6YPCe-4

By the way,  Roxanne  and L. A  Story were both creative, fun movies.

Correction – the link is for the entire album.  As you can see, my copy/paste skills have improved.  Maybe not?!

Well, it’ August.  And, I’m panicking.  Those who know me take my panicking in stride, of course.  But, it’s August.  I should be panicking. Actually, I think everyone is.  I’m just admitting the fact.

Summer is almost over.  I’m still this awful pasty white color, the family vacation plans were bust, and the weather really has sucked.  The low tonight is like 47 degrees.  It’s August!

I blame retail.  Not for the weather, that is, but for everything else.  I need to blame someone or something.  Since I’m not a woman, I can’t blame the man – that would be me.  There’s no way I’m blaming myself.  So, I blame retail.  Retail can never be in the moment.  It’s always looking forward, accelerating time.  The instant a holiday is over, the Clearance items are marked and the aisle is set for the next calendar ‘event’.  What’s worse –  we expect this ritual.  Prime example – Just days after the Fourth of July a customer actually asked me where the school supply items were located.  Before we know it, Christmas in July will just merge with the regular Christmas season.

On the flip-side, it is only the second week of August.  Living in a tourist haven, that is a major bonus.  All of the vacationers have to vacate.  For them, the school year begins soon.  We here in Traverse don’t start until after Labor Day.  Translation – we get our town back.  Not totally, though.  We still have those snowbirds.  They don’t leave for what seems like an eternity.  Or until they get their fuckin’ flu shot.

                                                   There are a few new freckles on your shoulders                                                    

                                                   The hammock swings lower and touches the grass

                                                  The apples are ripe and the corn is past

                                                   Everyone says summer goes by so fast.

                                                   And we just got here 

So, we enjoy what we can while we can, I guess.

                                                   Put our faces in place for September’s dance

                                                   If your willing, I’m willing to take one more chance

                                                     … we just got here

from We Just Got Here  by  Carly Simon

The builder in our subdivision attempted to be ‘creative’ with large boulders, grouping them on various properties.  Whether these boulders were meant to be ornamental, picturesque or just land markers, I’m really not certain.   Moreover, the majority are situated along side of the utility boxes.  The three on my property are just big rocks that I have to mow around.  Since I can’t move the damn things, I decided to modify their appearance. So, I built a flower garden around everything.  I even incorporated an Arbor Day  pine tree sapling one of the kids brought home from school that had actually matured.  It looks great.  An added bonus – everything  survived the winter.

Even the chipmunk!

Yes, that’s where this IS going.  Damn chipmunks.  I almost twisted my ankle on a new hole mowing the lawn.  Something needed to be done.

I tried chewing a big wad of Juicy Fruit gum and throwing it down the hole, hoping the rodent might choke and die some horrible death. Nothing!

I tried those stupid poison pellets.  I think I empty the entire jar into the holes.  Nothing!

The Bill Murray – explosive plan wasn’t approved by the condo board. (see clip below).  Besides, that was a gopher.  This is a chipmunk.

My neighbor had quite a few one year and caught each one.  When I inquired how, she said she stuck the hose down the hole and just waited for it to emerge.  Then she clubbed the thing on the head with a bat.  I’m kidding, okay.  She was humane about it.  Grumble, grumble. The varmint was easily detained, then relocated.

Personally the clubbing with a bat works well for me.  But, believe it or not, I am also humane.  Now I had a strategy. So, I just waited for the opportune time.

It was early evening.  My daughter was helping me water the landscape and clean up the floral debris around the yard.  As I made my way to the ‘boulder’ garden, the chipmunk ran past and scurried into a hole.  I mumbled  a few choice words quietly – my daughter was within earshot.   Grabbing the hose and a container, I shoved the hose in the hole.  Within seconds the blasted thing was inside the container, scrabbling for its life.  I cherished the moment, wallowing in my success.  My daughter on the other hand was gathering grass clippings for her new pet.  Insert more choice words mumbled quietly here.  Before anything else could go wrong, I secured the holding cell, drove off, and released the pesky critter in the open lot behind alternative high school.  Poetic Justice on my part for the location choice.

Though, if I had only been a bit more patient.  The neighbor cat has stepped-up and contributed to the … chipmunk body count.  I’m thinkin’ Alvin is rethinking the disadvantages of relocation right now.

Still, Bill Murray had the right idea.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lYm0c7gYyU

Damn condo association by laws.

Well, here it is.   My walk down memory lane; favorite post picks  from the last year.  Once again, thanks to all who have followed.

The posts are in chronological order.  It was easier that way.

11-30-2012     Fine, thanks.  How are … you? 

I’m still fine. Though, lately I’m thinkin’ I want more.  That mantra excerpt on 10-25-2012 is looking pretty good right now.

12-07-2012     Horrorscope? Not really.

Still no magic or succulence in this voice.  As for that ‘active control of my unfolding adventures’… .  Maybe next year.

01-07-2013     Normal two-parter

That is my favorite quote from the book.  That definition; now there’s a work in progress.

02-21-2013     You Light Up ‘My Life’

Talking book always gets me psyched.  I was going to give this post an honorable mention, but  Stand  by  Rascal Flatts is such a great song.  Besides, messing up the whole chronological order thing would bother me.

04-27-2013    HWWMR

Walter Mitty rocks.  He just had to be included.

05-27-2013     The Cake Test

What kind of cake was that again?

06-10-2013     Mars, Venus and the root of communication evils

That was a well written post that makes me proud.  Besides, ‘Men respond like this’.

Well, there you have it.  When I first created the blog, I was advised to block comments.  Nothing personal, but comments complicate things.  Or so I’ve been told.  Who needs that shit anyway? Things get complicated enough often without trying.  However, there are times like this when I would actually like to know what a reader’s poll might produce.

Maybe next year?!

PS – I still want to clothesline Bonnie (10-15-2012).  With flu season right around the corner, those CVS ads are certain to resurface.

Consider the following interactions with customers.  And the post title proposed by a friend/co-worker that knows I blog.

– An elderly man handed the word Alleviate that he clipped from a magazine ad – think old fashioned ransom notes where all the words are cut out from magazines – to me, wondering if we had the product in stock.  I asked the manager on duty.  She stated, “that’s not a product it is a word; a part of a sentence.”

– When I asked for an ID for a Pseudoephedrine purchase, the customer stated she had a Drivers License from every state and for me to pick one.

– A man slides a piece of masking tape toward me, asks me to identify the microscopic bugs he collected from his body attached to the tape, then wonders what he can take to get rid of the bugs. Or, better yet, if smoke bombing his house would help.

Of course there’s more.  There always is when you work retail.  David Letterman had his ‘Stupid Human Trick’ segment.  Wal-Mart has that YouTube video of shoppers in their pajamas or whatever the hell it is.  The list goes on.  But to blog about it regularly … .  No thanks.

With pharmacy, the majority of the interactions are funny, often hilarious, but only to the personnel involved.  The customer really is  serious and/or that fucking stupid.  When the anecdote is told out of context, the humor falls flat.  The statement – ‘you had to be there’ – always resounds.

A perfect example is my book   My Life As A Retail Pharmacist – A Fictionalized Memoir.  Yes, that shit really happened.  No, I didn’t get fired – yet.  And No, I don’t have 4.4 million dollars.  But the uber-bitch really did butt into a transaction with a patient and I seriously did lose it.  It bothered me for two years before I formulated a way to conceptually present the situation in a readable fashion.  Then it took another two years to write about it. That’s why I formatted the book as I did.   Limiting the pharmacy scenes allowed for a more enjoyable end product.  Or so I’ve been told.

As for this blog, it took a while to find it’s rhythm.  There are numerous other pharmacy websites and blogs that ‘blog about that’, presenting everyday situations on a humor intended basis.  Personally, I work that.  I don’t want to read about it on my down time.