Adam Thomas, RPH

Okay, okay, okay – it’s NOT the tongue twister without Peter Piper. And, my peppers are NOT pickled.  They are purple.  But, hey, I grew purple peppers in my garden.   I am so excited. They’re beautiful. Before I continue though, I need to qualify one important fact. My garden is properly located behind the garage with other vegetables.  It is NOT random plants haphazardly placed in the middle of the lawn like I ranted about in my last post.

Now that I have that clarified, …. .  I actually have a ‘peck’ of purple peppers. How cool is that?

cultivation

I don’t have the time nor the patience to begin a garden from seeds.  Martha Stewart has an entourage of staff members that can do that shit.  Me – I ain’t got no entourage, baby. Also, living in Northern Michigan dictates planting.  A few years back, we had a frost over Memorial Day weekend. Be the weather as it may, my goal is to have everything planted by Father’s Day.   Since my garden was awful last summer, I wanted this year’s to be more bountiful. I tilled the soil, went to the local Co-Op to purchase the seedlings, and proceeded to plant.  I even anchored the four corners of my garden with marigolds. Nice!

growing season

The weather cooperated better than anticipated.  Still, I had my concerns.  My plants weren’t growing.  I fertilized, added some additional Peat, and – ugh–  NOTHING.  Hell, I don’t even think my plants grew one bit.  Then, the summer got busy and my focus shifted.  Since the temperatures were mild and rain plentiful, I rarely checked the growing progress.

One day, I needed to water.  Holy purple vegetables,  I had peppers.

the harvest 

• Sweet peppers become sweeter when they change colors.
• Peppers continue to ripen after picking; place peppers in a cool place after harvest.
•  Keep one to two weeks after harvest at 50° to 60°F in a moist place.
•  Use a sharp knife or pruners to harvest peppers.
• Leave some of the stem attached to the pepper when cutting vegetable.
• A good pepper harvest practice is to harvest some peppers to serve green and let others mature to red or full color on the vine.
• Harvest peppers when they are the right size for your use.

To be perfectly honest, I’m nervous to harvest.  Premature picking my peck would be preposterous. Though, I’ve read ‘immature’ vegetables enhance entry taste profiles. Still, I wanted to ensure I ate the damn things.  Retail hours hinder potential dinner planning.  I wouldn’t want my harvest to ‘wrinkle’ in time.  Fortunately, we are having company.  Stuffed peppers are on the menu.  I need to start pickin’

Since this post is about said vegetable, I was compelled to close with a fun song by Peppers of a different variety.

RHCP go for a ride

And, the original limerick , of course.  Just in case anyone else forgot how it actually read.

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers;
A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked;
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
Where’s the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked?

– Mother Goose

Another blog year has come and gone.  It’s been good, though.  In general, I still hate 2017.  But as far as my  blog is concerned,  … .  Yeah, It’s been good.

I must’ve been hungry this past ‘year’.  Real hungry.  Cast iron skillet corn bread, chocolate cake, pistachio cake, ramp pesto all made the Random Nonsense topics of postdom.   Hell, even a staple kitchen appliance was highlighted. Though the Aug 26, 2016 oven ready didn’t make the annual cut.  Yes, it contained the recipe for my children’s favorite cake.  But, my MasterCard ‘hood’ moment focused too much on that damn stove my neighbor had in front of his garage.  Since I strive to keep as balanced as possible, the oven was turned OFF.

In 2016, I had a lot of Ode and MasterCard moments. This year – not as much.  Remember, my goal is to keep it fresh and readable.

That being said, I present my annual recap of posted musings.

Sept 10, 2016     a poem written by my mother     what better way to start things off than a poem to celebrate my mother. Well, her poetry skills.  And, it’s about Autumn – very timely, I might add.

Oct 18, 2016       In Pizza We Crust   With sign lady ‘retired’, I may need to look elsewhere for inspiration.  Plus, I think the marquee thing may be getting old. What about … bumper stickers? Hmm… . But I must say, pairing each  marquee entry up with a song or commercial was fun.

Nov 01, 2016      PBJ     this is more a daily ritual then anything.  Therefore, it’s inclusion was mandated.

Nov 09, 2016      as seen on T.V.
Nov 13, 2016       couch potato therapy session     comparing your spouse to the static on the television set is an ultimate, yet classic burn.  No therapist can fix that shit.

Jan 10, 2017        the cast iron skillet     still love my cast iron skillet.  Now that it’s fall,  it’s time to get the lead out and cook again.  Or would that be iron?

Feb 24, 2017        chipped off     this damn chip thing has been around for close to a year now.  People are STILL clueless AND stupid.

April 14, 2017      a condiment conundrum     I guess my son was eating at a restaurant recently.   The steak was so good, he didn’t even have to use ketchup.  No comment!

May 05, 2017       7 things I hate because of others     Damn birds.  Did anyone notice that the pharmacist in the ‘Next’ video included in  TMI (July 25, 2017)  had a mustache?  Oh, the irony, eh.  By the way, it was intentional.

June 01, 2017      MasterCard Moment – only in this ‘hood  
June 07, 2017      creature comfort concerns      Yes, the stove is gone.  Though my neighbor decided to plant a tomato garden – in the middle of his LAWN.  Once again, no comment.

 Aug 01, 2017        Ode to Highway signs     an Ode has to make it into every year in review.  Besides, this was kinda my anthem to travel hockey.  It’s all good.

Contrary to my postal hunger cravings, I’ve gained little weight.  I still exercise –  A LOT.  Though none of my fitness fueled posts made this blog in review cut.  Maybe 2018?

Thanks for reading.

As you probably guessed from the title, this entry is about something few want to talk about – death.  So, I’m thinking it’s a great topic for a post. During a recent lecture, obituaries was the subject discussed.  More importantly,  who would write it AND would you really want that person to write it.  Currently, some have started writing their own obituaries, ensuring the content.  Morbid as it may be, the concept is equally compelling.

Years ago, even if the person was a complete and utter douche bag, the obituary was written otherwise.  Granted, it probably had more factual information than humorous anecdotes about the deceased.  Still, there was an etiquette that was begrudgingly observed.

Not in 2017, baby.  Today, full disclosure is the new norm. Emily Post is long gone.  Nowadays, if the deceased is downright nasty, there is NO holding back.  People are choppin’ at the bit to include their ‘thoughts’  in the virtually Google doc obitchuary.  Then, Dr. Phil would discuss the emotional consequences.  Everyone would cry. Yada yada yada.

Fortunately, I’ve never written an actual obituary.  A few years back, I posted a few words, remembering a mentor that had passed.  It truly is a daunting task, attempting to sum up a life in a brief ‘statement’.

In order to present the topic appropriately, I researched.  Then, decided to add a little commentary, of course.  We’re talkin’ death.  So, any attempt at humor is usually appreciated.

• Be aware of identity theft.  unfortunate this is even a concern
• Strike a balance – it’s not only a notice of the death, but also a compelling ‘life’ story.   I HATE life stories – unless it’s  fiction AND mine.
• Describe the deceased as an individual, in the third person.
• Decide how many family members to include. How many generations do you want to go back? Who was Aunt Edna again?
• Think of three words.  Find three words that sum up the life lived.  Fucking ass hole CAN be three words if you think about it.

http://www.obituaryguide.com/writingtips.php

That being said, who then could be trusted to write such final words?

1. family member – probs the safest bet, especially if you have lots of money to pass on to those ‘loved ones’
2. friend – another safe bet. Usually – Though, you could offend a certain someone by asking a different person instead.  But then you’re dead.  Too late to re-evaluate not only your decision, but your relationships as well.  
3. famous person – Entertainment Weekly always highlights this in the year end issue.  Fun concept to … entertain.   
4. write it yourself – a definite way to get the facts straight.  Not for me.  I want my legacy to be my published fictional works; not some damn non-fictional paragraph.  Boring!
5. opt out – my choice. Unless  Jeremy Piven or even John Cusack have something nice to say. 

Serendipidous send off

Well, that’s all I’s got.  Time to put this post to rest.  Hope reading what I’ve written didn’t bore you to …. death.

RIP

I don’t think sign lady is ever coming back.  Apparently, my ‘get well’ wishes back in April were never received.  Either that or … .  She retired? Hmm… .  Hopefully, NOT permanently, if you know what I mean. I’ve never met her.  But, I do miss her musings.  Especially considering that  Friends are the chocolate chips in the cookie of life is the best the establishment’s marquee replacement worker can deliver.  … the cookie of life? Ugh!  Fuckin’ rookie.  Or would that be fuckin’ cookie?

So, I decided to look elsewhere. And, I found some suitable offerings.  Granted these aren’t the best pearls of wisdom, but not everything sign lady wrote was blog worthy either.  I’m a writer.  I’ll make it work.

In the April post, I matched each phrase with an appropriate song.  That was fun.  This time around I wanted to keep it fresh.  I decided to go commercial.  Literally.

Be a fountain, not a drain

Unfortunately, I am surrounded by drains.  Worse scenario – when a drain thinks they’re a fountain.  Hmm… . Deep shit, eh? Well, I have a solution, of course.   Plug the damn drain and watch it implode.  Or just cut the ‘water’ supply.  Either way, that fountain is fucked.  Still, there are those stubborn drains  where drastic measures are necessary.

call a Plumr?

when life knocks you down – do a burpee

 Thank my local gym for this little ‘exercise’ in maintaining mental and physical health.  While I’ve never been a burpee dude, going to the gym is crucial for my well being.  Lifting weights is the ultimate stress relief.  Bonus – few ‘tourists’  frequent my gym.  So, that ,bitch with three addresses stays away.  Though, I’m certain she’s still confused at which house she is actually at.

‘ultra’ burpee

In the word scent, is the -s- or the -c-  silent?

Late Middle English (denoting the sense of smell): from Old French sentir ‘perceive, smell,’ from Latin sentire. The addition of -c- (in the 17th century) is unexplained. So the c is silent and also shouldn’t really be there.

The world according Webster has spoken.  If that’s the case, how would there be a differentiation between sent (past tense of send) and this whole scent with the -c- that shouldn’t be there? Hmm … .

Wow, two deep thoughts in one post.  I need to stop.  Moreover, I really need to stop with that Hmm … shit.

Gain perspective

Just so those that know me don’t think I’ve gone off the deep end, over contemplating meaningless musings.  I’m fine.  These marquees are strategically placed along my commute – at very long stop lights, I might add! Avoiding these messages can’t be denied.  Though it’s NOT the extent of denial as that whole drain/fountain identity issue. For now, I’m just going to crack open a bottle of Liquid Plumr and Gain insight.  Cheers.

 Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow you may diet

BEGIN CONSTRUCTION 

It’s that time of year for road trips.  For me, seven hours or less one way is ideal.  Once you get passed that, it’s no longer an extended weekend excursion.  I often thought having two additional drivers on road trips made driving more manageable.  Sadly, I was wrong. Those additional drivers no longer wanted to go on family outings.  Work schedules complicated planning.  And … .

Actually, I travel less this time of year.  I live in the ultimate summer destination.  Why would I want to go elsewhere? Probably to get away from everyone else coming to the ultimate summer destination. Doesn’t really matter – I get little time off during July/August. Besides, the majority of my vacation days are reserved for travel hockey the other ten months of the year.

Over five years of travel hockey, I’ve become quite the proverbial road map. Fortunately, this blog has served to highlight several of those events – MasterCard Moments.  It’s been quite fun.  In fact, I even decided to dedicate a post to highway travel and those signs that … guide.

So, here it is.  Fasten those seat belts.  I promise nothing posted here will induce car sickness.  Well, not intentionally.  Though, if you do get sick reading this post, that’s your own damn fault.

DETOUR

Below are a few staple items I need to ensure an uneventful trip.

 bubble gum   –  always have a stash in the glove compartment. Hmm… . Maybe I should rephrase that.  Regardless, I learned that gum chewing decreases the yawn complex.  Who’d a thunk that, eh?

pbj   – never go anywhere without a pbj, baby.  Pitch the sandwich bag on the floor –  good for another 100 miles.  Unless I have to pee, of course.

MapQuest –  still don’t trust that GPS.  Remember that whole Canadian map fiasco back in December?  Besides, I’m totally old school.  I like having a hard copy of directions to my destination.

PROCEED WITH CAUTION

Here are a few of my favorite highway signs; for various reasons.  Some of those reasons are obvious.  Some, … not so much.

SPEED LIMIT 75   – the speed limit in most of Michigan changed from 70 to 75 AFTER hockey season was over.  Go figure.

KEEP RIGHT EXCEPT TO PASS   –   I hate people who camp out in the left lane.  So frustrating.  Get the fuck over, bitch.

BRIDGE ICES BEFORE ROAD   –   even in summer, this sign scares the shit out of me; some latent form of PTSD related to customer service  no doubt.

 NO U TURN –  the Rule of the Road I break most often.  Other than speeding, that is.  I even banged a U-ey on an exit once.  Don’t ask.  Probably not my best idea, okay.  But remember – a hockey road trip is not a hockey road trip until at least one ‘Rule’ is broken.

ROUGH ROAD AHEAD   –  Rarely did I run in to this sign while driving – thankfully.  Though I think it’s a permanent fixture on that other ‘road’ .  Unfortunately, there is never a WARNING designating said fucking ‘bumps’.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLm3HMG8IhM

Well, there’s my Ode.  Think of it as a postal SCENIC OVERLOOK. (Pause) Sorry, that was a bit cheesy. Oh, well … .  Just know, I hope all who travel in these remaining days of summer are safe and happy.

END ROAD WORK 

“Welcome to Shaw Pharmacy. What can I help with?”
I’m picking up a prescription.
What is the name?”
“Meyer, Elisabeth.”
” There are two prescriptions ready for Elisabeth Meyer. Verify the address or date of birth.”
May 11, 1955.” *

That is how the previously posted conversation should’ve transpired.  But, (heavy sigh), it didn’t.  Sadly, none do.  If every interaction went that well, I would truly have nothing to rant about.  Actually, I would, but that’s not the point.  The point is that even the simplest task is complicated when too much information is provided – especially when said information is neither warranted nor welcomed.

The whole thing makes me fucking crazy.  People, mostly woman, talk way too much. Once again, that whole address question … . I don’t care that you have three houses, bitch.  Just answer the question and shut the fuck up.  When I check out customers, I always opt to verify the date of birth – it never changes and can never be disputed.  Hmm … .  Let’s just leave it with – it never changes, okay?

The concept of providing too much information is older than … me.  Remember that old saying about not asking a certain person the time because ‘she will tell you how the watch is made‘.  Yeah, … . Much to my, and every other customer service associates, dismay, the situation has gotten totally out of control.  You would think with the advances in technology this issue wouldn’t be an issue.  But it is.  Look at texting. The goal is to be as brief and to the point as possible. Why can’t that be adhered to in conversation?

I don’t know. Maybe people are just overcompensating.  Thankfully, I don’t.  After fifty-two years, my ramblings have decreased significantly.  I still rant random nonsense.  But, the information I provide is never … too much.

next

* , bitch wasn’t necessary. Hell, I don’t even think the ‘adjective’ crossed my mind.  Well, that’s not true.  They’re all bitches.

“Welcome to Shaw Pharmacy. What can I help with?”

“I just flew in from Florida … .”

“Were you dropping off or picking up a prescription?”

“Well, it’s complicated.  The prescription was originally filled in Florida, but I requested it to be filled here.  I just landed in Traverse.  My flight was … .”

“So, you’re picking up a prescription.  What is the last name?”

“Elisabeth Meyer. Elisabeth spelled with an -s not a -z. I was named after my great-grandmother.  But I go by Beth.  My really close friends call me Liza.”

“There are two prescriptions ready for Elisabeth Meyer.”

“Is it spelled with that -s? Someone tried to change it once and I got really upset.  My granny… .”

“Verify the address or date of birth.”

“Well, what address do you have?  I have three houses you know.  One here, one in Boston and I just flew … .”

“Then, verify the date of birth.”

“Silly, that’s embarrassing.  You never ask a woman her age.”

“Well, you know, the address question seemed so complicated and identity needs to be verified.  Fortunately, your date of birth n-e-v-e-r changes.”*

“Hmp.  May 11, 1955.”

*insert:  , bitch.  Silently, of course.

Disc golf is played much like traditional golf. Instead of a ball and clubs,  players use a flying disc (Frisbee®). The sport was formalized in the 1970’s.  The first known instance of anyone playing golf with a flying disc occurred in Bladworth, Saskatchewan, Canada in 1926.  The object is completing each hole in the fewest throws.  A golf disc is thrown from a tee area to a target which is the “hole”  – the most common is an elevated metal basket called a Pole Hole®.  In 1975, Dan “Stork” Roddick  invented the Disc Pole Hole. Then one year later, he created the DGA. He installed nearly 800 disc golf courses in 20 countries.

Disc golf provides upper and lower body conditioning, aerobic exercise, and promotes a combination of physical and mental abilities that allow very little risk of physical injury. Concentration skills increase by mastering shots and negotiating obstacles.  It is designed to be enjoyed by people of all ages, male and female, regardless of economic status.  A professional quality disc costs less than $15, and it only takes one for basic play.

disc golf 101

 Unfortunately, frolfing has acquired some, how should I put this, negative stereotyping over the years as well.  The following of the sport has gravitated to the ‘hippie’ and/or ‘hick’ sect of the population.  And, from what understand, these individuals partake in other recreational activities while frolfing. Translation – they smoke a lot of weed, okay.  The reason I bring this up is because … my son does throw the occasional Frisbee now and then.   BUT, he usually does so BEFORE work.  So, … I’m thinking, hoping, and any other positive action word with an -ing ending that he makes good decisions. Recreational activities of the twenty something crowd have kept generations of parents and office managers saying the words – “Damn kids”.

“I live to frolf”

Anyway, let’s focus on the positives.  He is getting outside and exercising.  He’s with friends.  Granted some of those friends may NOT  be as skilled an athlete as my son. Pause – dramatic sigh.  Hell, who am I fooling?  I went to college and I’m not that delusional.  Side note: do NOT check the Urban Dictionary for the definition of the word frolf.

Be this all as it may, throwing a Frisbee is a fun summer activity.  I’ve been told I should engage in such activities.  I’ve also been told that I should be an empathetic customer orientated employee who’s end goal is the excellence in service.

That really doesn’t work for me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXCLDj9tBBM

Let’s frolf!

Adam Thomas thought he led a charmed life. Happily married with an adorable set of twins he was a member of the most trusted profession in the country. Yes, retail pharmacy had its shortcomings, but Adam handled adversity gracefully. Even though he knew ‘the customer wasn’t always right’, Adam didn’t allow the volatility of such work hazards to permeate his rational thinking and sound judgment. One day, however, everything changes. His once charmed life is turned upside down.

So begins the calamity Adam Thomas endures.

My Life As A Retail Pharmacist – A Fictionalized Memoir follows Adam as he navigates the struggles of standing up for what he believes. Tanya Stenke-Branch blatantly eavesdrops on Adam’s transaction with customer Milton R. Green. She dislikes Adam’s solution to Green’s insurance issue that arises and takes it upon herself to intervene. Adam is vocally upset with the unwelcome advice. But, according to ‘this wife of a prominent surgeon’, Tanya’s interference is in Mr. Green’s best interests. A reasonable everyday situation that Adam has handled numerous times in the past mutates into an unsalvageable disaster. Adam is ultimately terminated from Shaw Drug for his unprofessional behavior and his life begins to spiral out of control. What happens challenges Adam to question everything he once knew. When Tanya gossips to her friends at the local café about the incident, she discloses pertinent, yet confidential information, intentionally violating numerous HIPAA regulations. Fortunately for Adam, Paul Davis, Attorney at Law, just happens to overhear. Adam’s case for retribution has considerable merit.

As the lawsuit begins, the messy repercussions from such sensationalist trash that is so abundant in today’s world surface. Adam’s grasp on his charmed life continues to slip. The legal proceeding strains his familial interactions. His wife, Val, tries desperately to maintain balance, but Tanya and her lawyers just don’t play fair. Could such a random chance encounter ruin Adam’s professional and personal existence?

My Life As A Retail Pharmacist – A Fictionalized Memoir is current and hip and different. A cathartic read for anyone who has ever worked retail.

July 05,2012  my book went live on Kindle.   Five years. That’s crazy.  But good.  Be even better if people actually read it.  Yeah, things didn’t go exactly as …projected with book sales.  Translation: I’m still working that damn day job. Fiction is so hard to sell.  Everybody has a story. Now, it’s easier than ever to get that story published.

I’m quite proud of what I’ve accomplished, though.  I truly believe my time will come.  A random click or prestigious bookshelf placement might help that cause.  My ‘shit’ will go viral and My Life ... .  Well, that my friends, will be the ultimate – Memo … ry.

Until that time, I will continue to blog.  And, I hope you continue to read.  Thank you!

Well, it’s officially summer.  However, I started my ‘beach’ reading a few month back.  My daughter recommends the majority of the books I read.  She knows what I would like and primarily, what I would tolerate in a story.  CAUTION: she has specific criteria for loaning a book.  In fact, I’m not allowed to borrow her hard covers. She insists I manhandle books, dog earring pages and creasing spines – even if it is ever so slightly.  Gasp! Yes, I’ve even spilled  a few drops of coffee on a page … or two. Bigger gasp!  That’s how I roll, man.  In this case, that’s how I read.  Anyway, I respect her nuances.  She cares for her books, enjoying everything about the reading process.  What more could an author father want?

Geekerella   by Ashley Poston

A retelling of the classic Cinderella story right down to a food truck named the Magic Pumpkin.  Geekerella is a modern day version where the characters are enthralled in the magic of  fandom. Elle is a second generation geek who grew up watching Starfield, the classic sci-fi series, with her late father.  When Darien Freeman, a teen super-star who is really a closet fandom geek himself,  gets cast as the male lead in the blockbuster movie, fandom, led by none other than blogger Elle, is in an uproar.  As fairy tale luck would have it, the two accidentally connect via texting.  Their relationship flourishes as does the pratfalls that complicate both their lives.

My daughter definitely liked this story more than myself.  But, it was fun and enjoyable.

Murder on the Orient Express   by Agatha Christie

This was a collaborative want-to-read.  Entertainment Weekly showcased a ‘first look’ at the movie of the same name opening in November.  My daughter read the book first, as always.  Since it was available in paperback, and the library version was checked out, she allowed me to read the copy I purchased for her.  Yes, I totally manhandled it, okay?  Unintentionally, of course.  I often fall asleep when reading.  The book drops out of my hand, I drool … .  It ain’t pretty.

Express is a classic read still able to hold it’s own in today’s tech savvy world.  The best part, we now have a father daughter date for the movie come November.

 Camino Island   by John Grisham

This choice was all me.  Contrary to popular belief, I AM capable of such decisions.  I haven’t read a Grisham book in a while. The story lines he has chosen for his last several novels weren’t of interest to me.  Don’t get me wrong, this dude can write a great tale.  But, … wasn’t feelin’ the last few books. I’m certain this read won’t disappoint me though. A priceless book is stolen from the Princeton library vault.   The insurance company, government, AND whomever else want it found before it is sold on the black market underground and never seen again.  There’s probably a love story weaved in there somewhere.  Since he IS Grisham and NOT Nicholas Sparks, I can totally deal.

Well, that’s it for the recap on my summer bookings.   The only other thing that would make my summer complete is My Life on a few Kindle bookshelves as well.

Keep cool and read on!