Adam Thomas, RPH

A few years back, friends from our neighborhood (Stan and Stasia) were relocated to Kansas.  Unfortunately, it took over a year to finalize the sale of their house.  Stan worked, then commuted when possible.  The rest of the family stayed back,attaining normalcy whenever possible. When Spring arrived, another neighbor and I tackled their lawn maintenance.  They lived on a sizable corner lot and the lawn was peppered with trees, making it difficult to navigate with a riding mower.  Stan was the ultimate dude, handling his lawn in minutes with a push mower.  For the average, non-dude, it was more efficient as a two man job – a riding mower for the bulk of the lawn and a push for the hard to reach areas.  Stasia would leave water on the porch.  The system worked well and we were properly hydrated.  The funnest part were the nicknames that evolved – Lawn boy, Mower man, AND Water girl.  I, of course, was Lawn boy. Yes, the sidekick.  Though, I got top billing because Lawn boy and Mower man flowed better than the reverse.  So, … .

Stan and Stasia still live in Kansas.  Thankfully, our friendship continues to thrive. However, the memories of  Lawn boy, Mower man, and Water girl will always make us laugh.

Since this is July, lawn mowing season is underway.  I thought I’d highlight this summer tradition.  Some men and women really take this chore seriously.  My daughter is one of them.  She decided I didn’t do the job adequately, taking it upon herself to complete the weekly task.  Good for her.  Better yet, good for me.  According to her, my lines were never straight and I varied my directions too much.  Hell, I got the job done.  Okay?

Before I get into full rant mode, let me share some ‘tips’ on proper technique:

Set Your Mower High
Cut only the top 1/3 of the grass blades at any one time. Properly mowed grass can grow and support more roots and develop a deeper root system.
Mow a Dry Lawn
Wait for your lawn to dry before mowing. Cutting wet grass can result in an uneven cut, dumping clumps of grass on your lawn which can             smother the grass and result in brown spots.
Vary Your Mowing Pattern
Mow in a different direction every time you mow. By varying the mowing pattern, you help avoid compacting soil. Plus, grass will stand up nice   and tall since it typically leans in the direction you mow.
Leave Grass Clipping on your Lawn
Clippings break down quickly, contributing nitrogen and other nutrients to the soil.
Keep Your Mower Blade Sharp
Keep mower blades sharp for the cleanest cut. Dull blades tear up grass, causing a grayish-brown color.

 http://www.weekendgardener.net/lawn-care/mowing-tips-040904.htm

When I was younger and a lot more anal retentive than I am now, the above ‘tips’ were guidelines that standardized lawn maintenance.  Back then, it was ‘mowing the lawn‘ instead of  ‘cutting the grass‘.  Eventually, it became ‘get the damn job done‘.  Now, it’s  ‘my daughter does it‘.  And, I’m a happy man.

Two parting thoughts. The first is this video clip –

the ultimate lawn mowing musical experience

The second is a marquee maxim from a lawn mower repair shop that is too fitting to ignore –

we’re sexy and we mow it

mile – v-exist  statistics on I-89 in Vermont:     130.34 miles and only 22 exists

days the ‘nude dude’ was turning heads in downtown Burlington:     2 , but then I left before the weekend began so … .

retired Ben & Jerry flavors in the ‘graveyard’:     34

watching an outdoor movie with my daughters at the REAL Hotel-Vermont:          priceless

Recently, I traveled with my two daughters to Vermont of all places for a Hockey College Showcase. My oldest daughter will be a Junior in High School, so this is when the college search begins. Throw hockey into that mix and … .  Ugh! Anything but priceless.  Except for the experience, that is. Who cares about money.  We really had fun.  Vermont was amazing.

Being from Illinois, then moving to Michigan, expressway driving was pretty much the same.  Though I really, really hate that whole  Michigan ‘left’ concept.  Still, in both states, exit numbers correspond with the mile markers.  Driving I-89 North to Burlington was not that way.  Burlington is close to 91 miles from the New Hampshire border, but it’s only exit 14.  Confusing – yes. But I got us there fine.  The green mountain state also has it’s share of yellow highway signs that I had never seen before.   Stay Alert – Moose and Bear Crossing were … concerning.  Lastly, but on a fun note, the State Police drive forest green colored vehicles.  How cool is that? Luckily, I had no run-ins with moose, bear, or green colored ‘smokeys’.

So, that ‘nude dude’ caused quite the stir in Burlington.  Fortunately, my daughters and I never saw him, but I heard it was also … concerning.  “Scarred for life,” were the exact words a friend /team mate used to describe her unfortunate sighting.  Though, if I was pressed to decide, I’d probably  choose seeing a Moose over the ‘nude dude’ any day.

http://www.wptz.com/news/naked-man-turning-heads-in-downtown-burlington/40293130

Ben & Jerry’s is in Waterbury, VT about 33 miles ( but only 3 exits, mind you) from Burlington.  We didn’t tour the facility, but we did visit the ‘flavor graveyard’ as I mentioned above.  When a taste concoction retires, it receives a burial plot.  On each tombstone  a fun poem describing the flavor and/or why it was retired is included.  Udderly fun!

http://www.benjerry.com/flavors/flavor-graveyard

 Ironically, we stayed at the Hotel-Vermont.  It was fabulous.  Nothing like that previously posted postcard – try and say that five times fast – had pictured.  Very cool, indeed.

While we didn’t exactly stroll in the moonlight, remember this was a family vacation, watching the sunset on Lake Champlain with my daughters and friends from Traverse was truly priceless.

Here’s an Ode to ‘Vermont’  from ole’ blue eyes himself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRd_JXTthWE

*image found on random, googled postcard site

 Since May and June have come and (almost) gone, the holidays honoring each half of the parenting unit have followed suit.  So, I’m right on schedule to pen a belated post on the subject. I was going to sub-title this – Hollywood style – then remembered that both films are true stories.

Searching for Bobby Fischer – Joe Mantegna and Joan Allen portray Fred and Bonnie Waitzkin parents to Josh, a chess prodigy.   The trailer gives a complete synopsis, including two of Joan Allen’s best lines / scenes. However, “Get out of my house.” is much more emotionally charged watching the film.  While Allen is the commanding, supporting role, Mantegna is constant presence throughout the movie.  He often struggles with the conflicting reality of what he should or shouldn’t do as a parent.   And, more importantly, whether what he should or shouldn’t do is in his or his son’s best interest.  Of course, he always makes the appropriate choice.  I hate him. But, whether it’s chess, baseball, or … hockey, this movie navigates the nuances of competitive activities/sports.

Searching for Bobby Fischer – trailer

Soul Surfer   – This is the be all end all feel good family/sports true story of Bethany Hamilton.  She is a World Class surfer who loses an arm in a shark attack.  Dennis Quaid and Helen Hunt play her parents, constantly making the right decisions and saying all the right things AT the right time, I might add.  I hate them for this, of course.  Because, you know, I always say and do the right thing AT the right time.  Adding to my inferiority complex as an adult/parent is Kevin Sorbo, playing Bethany’s best friend’s father. He saves Bethany’s life after the attack.  I’m not a rock when it comes to Holy Shit Life moments, but I do perform quite well under pressure.  But that scene, … . Wow. I can only imagine it was portrayed accurately. That is a dude I would want in a crisis situation.  After watching you’ll understand.  And, you too will hate them all.  But please do watch.  Haters gotta hate, ya’ know.

Soul Surfer – trailer

Of course these movies ‘highlight’ the stellar parenting decisions and moments in each movie.  The day to day fuck-ups and frustrations are glossed-over, peppered into the story only to show that these people really are human. Though it would be nice to have some of my own fuck-ups and frustrations end up on the ‘editing room floor’.  In real life, family remembers way too much.  And, the details, … .  Let’s not even go there, okay.  Seriously, these are some boss parents that I’m certain are just as boss as they are represented.

Popcorn anyone?

In pharmacy school, we learned to counsel patients on everything from side effects and interactions to nutritional and dietary restrictions. Included in this latter area of concern were items to avoid that contraindicated health conditions.  A good example of this would be counseling a diabetic patient on purchasing a Snickers bar when picking up an Insulin prescription.  However, once you’ve been told – “It’s none of your damn business whether I get this bar or not.  You don’t know what it’s like to be me, okay.” You NEVER counsel another patient on anything again.  Just kidding, but you get the idea.  It’s ugly, but true.  Regardless, the cornerstone of the pharmacy profession remains counseling.

Kind of ironic that this is one of the only real things I remember from school.  Yeah, the technical stuff is up there in the vast abyss that is my intellect.  The reality of retail is not that. It’s the patient buying the Snickers.  In this age of instant information and formidable testimonials (sarcastic tone), the patient IS educated.  Almost  too much.  But then  to what extent?  Furthermore, things have changed SO much in the some thirty years since I sat my sorry ass down in Room 101 Pharmacy Building at the University of Iowa.  If I were to do it all again today, I doubt I would even make it into school now, let alone graduate.  Nor would I have want to for that matter.

So, what’s the reason for this rambling?

3pm   –    unsettling, random thought about the state of health care attitudes.

Actually that thought really isn’t random at all.  It’s constant.  And, I’ve witnessed its evolution.  Furthermore, I AM convinced no one does get better or really cares.  Patients just continue along complaining about ailments without doing anything to remedy their current health condition.  Then, just because medication DOES fix everything – immediately – another prescription is written to satisfy this ‘illusion’ that has become the hypocrisy that is health care.

Who’s to blame? Everyone BUT the patient.  And, the damn Snickers bar, of course.

Don’t worry – the rant stops here.  I paused, took a deep breath, and sang a few scales. So, I’m better.  As for the state of health care attitudes, I’m not as optimistic.  That’s why I choose Random Nonsense.  Making fun of douche bags with butterfly tattoos is so much more … satisfying.

https://www.youtube.com/user/SnickersBrand

This is how I got through my last 12 hour day, short staffed, on only 3 hours of sleep AND my BF RPh from another store was ON VACATION.

9am     –   I CAN do this.  False optimism, wishful thinking, suppressed denial – Hmmm… .   Ask me at 9pm.

10am   –   Doughnut WITH sprinkles.  Mandatory for every 12 hour day regardless of circumstances.

11am   –   “I’m on vacation and … .”  Shut the fuck up and go back home. By the way, cowboy hats in Northern Michigan look really stupid.

12pm   –   Ring. Ring. “The store across town isn’t answering the phone.  Could you please call there and have someone call me back?”  No!  End call.  Saying good-bye is so overrated.

1pm     –   Comment about my lack of enthusiasm when I tell a customer to ‘have a nice day’.  Okay, then.  ‘Fuck off and go away.’ Is that better?

2pm     –   Twenty-something white male – ?-  with freakish hair AND a butterfly tattoo ON HIS NECK asks where the douches are located.           Two thoughts – look in the mirror and ask the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and see how well that goes.  

3pm     –   Half way there.  Unsettling, random thought on the state of health care attitudes – Does anyone ever get better? Does anyone want to?

4pm     –   Ring. Ring, “I’m here for the summer and need a prescription filled, but it’s complicated.” Two words – indefinite Hold.

5pm     –  When I say, “I’ll be with you in a moment.”  It is NOT an invitation to continue speaking.

6pm     –   “Where are the Preparation H and condems located?”  Aisle 5 – next to the catheters for sick chickens.  

7pm     –   I hate everyone. I could probably use another doughnut right about now.

8pm     –  Ring. Ring,     “Are you still open?”  Why do you think I’m answering the phone?

9pm     –   All of the above.

Now about that Monkey reference … .

Unsure whether I mentioned this before, but I can cook.  And, I love to do it.  I blame pharmacy, of course.  You know that whole compounding, organizational shit I often reference.  In this case, blaming my profession is a good thing.  Cooking is all about timing.  Once you have that down,no meal is impossible. In my opinion, a Thanksgiving feast is almost easier to execute than weekday suppers.

Only two things about cooking intimidate me.  The first is gravy.  Good gravy is hard to make.  I think it’s because it’s one of the last things to be prepared.  By that time, my patience is tapped.  All I want to do is eat.  Besides, gravy is very needy; too much undivided attention.

My second issue is grilling.  I’ve always been a below average griller.  We males have been cookin’ meat on an open flame since, like, caveman times.  Either I’m missing that gene or wasn’t given the ‘talk’.  The fact remains – my grilling skills could be better. Recently, I’ve experienced two words associated with grilling that are … concerning – grease fire.  Oh, yeah, baby, that flame was ‘this big‘ (hand motions included).  The smoke was actually billowing. Yes, I said billowing.  Very scary.  Luckily, I didn’t panic and contained the blaze successfully.

Baking soda is the most effective form of fire extinguisher; it quickly cuts off the oxygen supply to the flame. Keep a box or 2 in or near your grill station, as well as a fire extinguisher. Salt will also work in smothering a flame. DO NOT use flour, or water ever when you need to put out a grease fire. It will explode and can severely injure yourself and damage your home.

Grease fires are a rare and unexpected phenomenon and can happen to any griller on any grill, advanced or novice. But with proper maintenance of your grill, they should never happen to you. Just remember that you’re cooking with fire, so never leave your grill unattended. Besides, you don’t want to burn your steak do you?

http://www.napoleongrills.com/blog/articles/id/609/how-to-prevent-grease-fires

Unfortunately, there was a mess to clean up.  That Easy Off method wasn’t as easy as the testimonial proclaimed.  Imagine that.  Instead of focusing on cleaning woes again, I feel the need to share my random thoughts about grilling.

• I prefer side by side burners for indirect heat cooking.  That front-back set up is a pain in my ass.
• during summer, I use the grill as an oven – I just center the top rack appropriately and I am good to go.
• once used wood chips to smoke a turkey – a lot of work, but so well worth it
• never did the beer can chicken … . Yet.  Though the closing-the-lid-over-an-upright-chicken-clearance concept  still puzzles me.
• our first grill was a wedding present.  The funnest part was the dinner party we hosted to assemble it.

Lastly, I have never used the word ‘billowing’ to describe anything.  Quite frankly, I never want to use it again.  By the way, the smoke definitely got in my eyes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvUK4xqUBFs

Hotdogs anyone?

Initially, I was going to make this post a two-parter.  The topic of ‘stress’ can fill volumes of textbooks and keeps big Pharma in business, of course. Still, I had it all planned.  WebMD had a Top Ten list of way to combat stress.  At first glance it looked interesting enough. I would exclude the one point I wanted to highlight for  the follow-up post.  Stressed Out by twenty one pilots was the perfect ballad to complete the masterful post. Then, I realized  …

it sucked.

Like, waste of time sucked. The Top Ten list I mentioned was really lame. Worse – a life coach wrote the damn list.  A-Life-Coach. Finally, I actually listened to the words of the twenty one pilot song.  That dude has some serious issues.  Life can be stressful, but this dude wants to, like, crawl back into the womb. Wow.

Solution –

8. Crank Up the (Good) Tunes -better yet  sing at the top of your lungs!

Obviously, this was the point  I intended to highlight. And, it’s exactly what I’ve been doing lately – in my car.

Background –

I have always wanted to sing.  Unfortunately, I am horrible.   I’m not sure whether I’m tone deaf or just toneless.  It just doesn’t work for me.  Added bonus – my son chides me about my inability to carry a tune on a regular basis.  Nice kid, eh?  Though for all my failed attempts, one constant ‘positive’ has emerged – I sing scales very well.  Yes, you read that correctly – scales.  Warm-up exercises. That whole “let’s start at the very beginning”  because, you know,  it really is “a very good place to start”.

do – re- mi Sound of Music

One of my last failed attempts at an international singing career was with a local college instructor.  According to her, she was the answer for the want-to-sing community.  Her arsenal –  an entire CD collection of warm-ups for every AND all vocal ranges.  In my zeal to succeed, I purchased both medium-high and medium-low for the ‘male voice’.  Range is key.  Just not for me.  Let me clarify, I have range and can totally kill these scales.  But when I attempt to actually sing a song – Hmmm …. .  Not so much killin’ goin down there.

It’s all good, though.  I like singing scales in my car. It bothers no one and I feel accomplished, succeeding at something as simple of mastering do-re-mi.  Within minutes, my thought process is on a different track and it’s … good. Besides, I could give two shits about an international singing career.  Right now, only one goal exists – New York Times Number One Best Selling Author.

How do you end a post about singing in your car?  Just ask James Corden.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nu9bHK4b6j8

Random question – What would your porn star name be if you had no pets growing up and lived on a numbered street?

Hmm …. . Interesting.

I realize Spring is almost over, but I’m still cleaning. Besides, I mailed my Christmas cards out in April. So I’m thinkin’ this whole time issue is pointless.

I AM a very organized person.  Some might contend that I am a little too organized.  A few snide remarks probably come to mind for those that know me, but … fuck off, okay. Life is messy.  With the complications of mere existence, being organization is practically a necessity.   As a pharmacist, such skills are a prerequisite.  And, remember, I have three kids.   Any questions? Oh and that ‘fuck off’ was not intended to be offensive.  I wrote that with the utmost sincerity.

Some twenty years ago, I heard an anecdote about a key.  The teller of the story found a key, but had no idea what that key unlocked.  He must have been an organized dude, or just very obsessed about this particular key because he really wanted to know its origin.  He wrote the date on a piece of tape and attached it to the key.  If in a year he didn’t find the ‘lock’ to which said key belonged, he would throw it away.  Alas, the riddle was never solved and the key was discarded.

I liked this thought process and decided to apply it to my household belongings that have acquired over the years.  Unfortunately, I have a wife … that doesn’t agree with this ‘philosophy’.  Consequently, my basement is a complete mess, amassing heaps of  ‘we need to save that’ crap on every available piece of floor space.  I accept it for what it is and I am certain my day to clean will come.  Luckily, her embarrassment of ‘the basement’ is getting the best of her.  Hmm … . Imagine that.

Until that day of  the dumpster occurs, let me indulge my Freudian organizational observations about myself –

• my e-mail inbox is empty – everything has an appropriate file or is answered within 24 hours, then deleted
• likewise, I have a file drawer for important papers.  My wife, on the other hand, has piles of shit stacked on the counter top, causing it to slope accordingly. I exaggerated slightly, okay.  But I’m certain the counter will eventually sag from the load.  Really.
• I prioritize everything and can multitask as well, if not better, than any woman.  Bring it, bitches!
• on a random, but similar cleaning-type topic, I hate cleaning up peanut butter.  My daughter loves to eat it on ice cream or out of the jar.  She deals with that mess herself.  The residual smell seems to get EVERYWHERE  and lingers obnoxiously.
• I ‘m a closet slob in hotel rooms. I ain’t no Joe Walsh, tear(ing) out the walls. But I do need that – DO NOT DISTURB sign. You see, I DON’T   have accountants that pay for it all.

Joe Walsh – Life’s Been Good

Caution: this is a live version of the song that might be a good jam for longer cleaning jobs – like my basement.  Luckily, the verse referenced is in the first two minutes.  With that said –

Clean on!

Meet Your Next Favorite Book

Goodreads’ stated mission is “to help people find and share books they love… [and] to improve the process of reading and learning throughout the world.”  (Wikopedia)

Timeline:

• Otis and Elizabeth Chandler created Goodreads in 2006.
• In October 2012, Goodreads announced it had grown to 11 million members
• In March 2013, Amazon.com announced that it had reached an agreement to acquire Goodreads in the second quarter of 2013 for an undisclosed sum.
• In January 2016, Amazon announced on Shelfari.com that it would be merging Shelfari with Goodreads and closing down Shelfari.
• In April 2016, Goodreads announced that over 50 million user reviews have been posted

https://www.goodreads.com/

Think of it as the Facebook for book lovers.  And authors, of course.  Since the e-publishing world exploded, the connection between reader and author has grown stronger thanks in part to Goodreads.  The site allows both parties to interact, discussing the nuances of style and what readers want to read.  Don’t get wrong, nothing can replace an actual book signing in a book store.  Everyone there wants to meet you, inflate your ego to the nth degree, and have you sign your book – a hard cover copy fresh off the press that just smells heavenly.

Pause – I need a moment, please.

Until events such as this happen for me, Goodreads offers the exposure that is often hard to tap into.  When I started writing, the first thing anyone said was – ‘writing the book is the EASY  part’.  Wow, there’s an understatement.  That’s where this exposure thing comes into play. Goodreads helps navigate the e-publishing vault of looking for that perfect read.  Granted, using a search engine to narrow your inquiry could never compare to spending hours lost in a book store, asking well read staff members their ‘secret recommendations’.  But Good reads attempts to fill this void.

People are still …odd, though.  Even on a site such as this, ‘the line’ still needs to be walked – very carefully, I might add.  Once I queried a reader, asking about the three star rating posted for my book.  “I have no idea,” he replied flatly.  “I read it two years ago.”  And you’re just posting it now because why? I wanted to counter. But I refrained.  For a writer that ‘attitude’ can be … frustrating to say the least.  Warning: Readers can change their ‘star rating’ with the click of the mouse.

Ugh – damn lines.

The site itself is very user friendly.  Everyone has their own Bookshelf.  The Community tab links up to Groups, Quotes,Trivia, and Quizzes.  There’s even an  Ask the Author section.  No one has ever ‘asked me a question’  , but I have received five star ratings.  So, I’m good.  As for those quizzes… .  Sounds like something from my daughter’s American Girl magazine.

There’s more.  Hell, from some of the conversation threads I’ve followed, people spend a-l-o-t of time on here.  Who cares? Just as long as people buy and read MY books.

That’s about it for this post.  I will sign off with a wonderful Quote from the site –

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”

Dr. Seuss

Goodreading!